Pearls of Amicus

Really...do clothes make the person?

2011-12-20T21:47:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: Have you guys seen this coffee sleeve put out by Piperlime.cim, a "chic" website that sells trendy clothes to 20somethings, that states every time a women wears sweatpants in public, a man leaves NYC? Implying that a women has to be dressed to the nines in order to grab that man. Is this true? If a cute girl is dressed in sweats does that mean that she will be overlooked by men just due to her dress?!?

I gotta be honest I'm going through a mid life style crisis, which is a distant cousin to the mid-life crisis. Through out my life my personal dressing style has definitely been more thrown together than thought through. I'm not the girl who has her wardrobe planned for the week. I'm more the stand in front of the closet, morning of, wondering why I didn't do laundry the day before. So is there a direct correlation between my lack of effort in dress and the current state of my dating life? Hmm...seems possible..actually...probably more than just possible. If I appreciate the guy who has the fresh hair cut and is wearing clothes that fit properly, then I can't be the hypocrite that says that clothes shouldn't matter. I texted Holly earlier this week after catching my reflection at the mall. Though not dressed horribly, I did feel like I looked like a soccer mom, picking up Christmas clothes for her kids than a single woman on the "prowl." So what to do? Well, it is the end of the year and the time for making resolutions...so here we go, I resolve to make a real effort to dress better and look the best I possibly can. So if you see me looking bumming...call me out for being lazy, sure I may initally curse you out, but know deep down I appreciate you caring.

Holly: Wow, well if clothes do indeed make the person, I suck. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about creative expression however one chooses to do it. Me: well, I happen to be more along the style of Jenn (insert birds of a feather saying here), and love my Uggs, jeans and the occasional sweatpants in public. Sidenote: I think it's worth mentioning that if you are wearing leggings as pants, or especially jeggings, you too should look at upgrading to even a sweatpant).

Perhaps it's true, if you're not putting your best foot forward on the initial meeting, where does one go from there? I recall many of debates with my hubby and I when we first started dating on "why is it that I never hear you say you're going to get your hair done?" or my favorite questioning: "you said those boots were calls what? Uggs, short for ugly?". The truth is, yes I enjoy my comfort and it all boils down to being lazy. It's so much easier to slip into that "no-iron ever required" favorite pair of pants, than it is to be tugging and pulling on clothes all day long. But laziness in all areas of life produces the same result: nada. So looking for a man? Put for the effort and put on some clothes (eh, at least for the first 3 months). Looking for a new job (I speak from experience)? Still have to put for the effort to dress to impress. I for one, will not be the one calling Jenn out b/c honestly, I don't know if I want the redicule coming my way in return.

I'm not your friend.

2011-12-06T14:07:00.001-05:00

Holly: I was surprised at the level of transparency, ahem, soul selling if you will, that reality stars are willing to uphold just for a dollar. Makes me wonder, do these people have friends in real life? Truth be told, I'm not one of them. Honestly, I'm not even a fan. Moving forward, it would probably be in your best interest to consider folks like me (ahem 80% of America) you're worst enemy...I'm only in your business when things go wrong, it's the only time I care.

Let's take for example the most recent headlines: The KKK (otherwise known as Kim, Kourtney and Kloe) has filed for divorce, got pregnant by a baby's daddy (albeit one with great fashion choices), and got served with assault charges. Dude, this isn't a good thing. And why do I know all of this? My guess, its because they weren't hugged enough as a child and therefore constantly seeking outside attention. Real people with real friends don't share the ugly with everyone, even for a dollar.

Then we have Guilianna Rancic. Don't get me wrong, her story is quite touching and personal. My heart goes out to anyone battling that evil devil that is cancer, coupled with fertility problems; however, we're really not close at all for me to so involved in having to know your uterus so intimately. People I ask that you realize that Ann Curry, despite her warm nature, isn't your friend either. So stop taking up air time with your personal crap.

Jennifer: Hmm, there is a lot of anger from that post above...especially surprising as I've seen her DVR recordings. Humans by nature are a voyeuristic group. Does this mean that I need to know every little part of your life? No, but it also doesn't mean I'm not going to watch when you over-expose yourself. It is sad to realize that you probably know more about what is going on with people on tv than you do with people in your own life. The reality shows provide an easy view into other's lives without the trouble of emotionally getting involved or responsibility of maintaining a relationship. It's an attractive relationship where you can watch, and fulfill the need to see what is going on with someone's life without having to use much effort. I think that is a huge attraction for reality show watchers. This is why some people get so worked up over the behavior of these psuedo-entertainment stars.

There is the over used phrase of not being able to turn away from a car-wreck. It certainly applies here... I've been on the road many times, to find traffic slowed just to find out that it's a rubberneck delay. People are overly curious...it's kind of what has kept your ancestors alive over these thousands of years. The ease of TV and the Internet had now given people instant access into what was the private lives of people. It's not that the Kardashians or Guilianna are that entertaining or interesting. Its just the curiosity of seeing someone live a life unfamiliar to our own. This blog fits under that umbrealla as well...granted, on a much, much, much (much) smaller scale, but the stats on this blog show that the posts that get the most reads are the ones that include our personal experiences or details about our personal lives. Sorry, Holly, personal crap, sells...and until that market dries up, you're gonna have to put the TV on mute.

We missed you too

2011-11-28T15:52:00.001-05:00

Holly: I surely wish there was a good excuse for the lack of postings lately. Maybe something dramatic as the "breakup of Jen and Holly", or that maybe Jenn decided to move to Belize after she wrote about her vacation. Alas, there isn't. Just pure life getting in the way...

I kind of view blogging on PoA similar to the upkeep of any worthwhile friendship, there's a ton of things that you want to share and say to the person (or write for this matter), and you really miss them when time goes by and you haven't caught up, but something happens to cause the distance: I like to call is just life. But just like a true friend, I've missed you Blog fam and now that we're back in touch its just like old times again. Here's a rundown on what's been going on with me the past 2 months (which likely looks like every other month):

I'm still fat. I'm sorry, obese according to that dreaded BMI. Still not attending the gym, but in my latest "adventures to spend money", I've committed to an eating plan of Medifast. Stay tuned for future blogs of Holly's eating restrictions v. Jenn's gym attendance
I'm getting a hang of this mom thing...and successfully tricked Jenn into babysitting one night. And yes, happy to report, we're still friends; despite Braxton's attempt to make her run
I'm changing careers. Looking for a real estate agent? Well, I'm your woman! Contact me before I contact you...because yes, I will begin the stalking soon of looking for friendly referrals

So there you have it, we're now officially caught up, and back to old times. What's been going on in your world?

Jennifer:

Yes, it is nice to be writing again. Life is definitely ticking away...super fast. Holly and I are still friends...no break up. I was telling my brother that it has been at almost 2 months since I've called Holly on phone(true). His response, " It's because you guys see each other all of the damn time." This is partially true...we are on a minimum once a week face to face and still texting like teenagers mutiple times a day.

We are still working on getting ourselves together...physically. I guess the good thing is that we haven't totally thrown in the towel. I had surgery a couple of weeks ago and now I'm good to go back to the gym. I also ordered swimming goggles and swim cap from Amazon as I've decided I'm going to become a lap swimmer. I'm a pretty good swimmer right now. I just have never learned how to do the breathing thing....so check back for that one.

I did babysit Braxton for Holly and Jason's anniversary. He was super cute and happy before they left. As soon as Holly left, he was still cute, but definitely not happy. It was a long battle, but in the end I won....he was fed, bathed and asleep when they got back. You know it's been a long night in babysitting when you give a hard look of having kids in the future;).

Hope all is well with everyone out there. And here is to Holly and I doing better with the blogging.

Belize and solo travel...check and check!

2011-10-24T09:59:00.003-04:00

Jennifer: Yes, I finally did it! After many years of hoping and dreaming, I made the trip to the country that I have an ~~obsession~~ fascination with for many years. I'm not sure where this attraction to this country in Central America came, maybe from pictures of the aqua colored water, gently swaying palm trees, English speaking natives. Whatever it is Holly can attest that the country of Belize has popped up many times in conversation over that last couple of years.

After subscribing to this airfare email service, AirFare Watchdog, which sends you the low rates of flights you want to take...love it and it's a good way to plan for that trip you've always wanted to take. Belize flight came in, lower than it's been for years and I had to book it. Why wait? I find myself waiting for things hoping that the perfect situation will present, but sometimes it doesn't so you gotta go with what you got.

The day quickly came and finally found myself in the country that I've been thinking of for so many years. My first impression…well....it's a gorgeous country, and reminds me of some of the other Caribbean places I've visited…places with lots of concrete homes and people moving about with their daily lives. The plane landed in Belize City and I was picked up at the airport by a driver sent by the place where I was staying on Caye Caulker(a little island off the coast). My driver was Jason, native Belizean, who held a sign with my name on it, indicating that he was my driver. I follow him out to the front of the airport where I think his car should be waiting, but we end up walking, across and down the street from the airport. We walked over to his van, which was parked in a overgrown, motel parking lot...gulp. His van looked about 20 years old, dented with broken glass. As he took my backpack(which was my only luggage), I noticed Jason was wearing a necklace of perfectly round, plastic boobs. Yup...I was feeling all types of secure in this foreign country. But my worry was for nothing, Jason turned out to be a capable driver, who didn't murder me. As planned, Jason drove me to the water ferry, where I waited for the boat that would take me to Caye Caulker.

Belize City-Water Ferry Waiting Room

It's a 45-minute ferry ride from Belize City to Caye Caulker (pronounced Key Cork-er). I land at Caye Caulker and it was as I imagined. This was the Belize that I've pictured in my minds eye all of these years. Locals, hanging around the water ferry station, greet me, and inoculate me to the slow, friendly way of the culture of the Caye. I'm met at the ferry by my "taxi" which is a golf cart, driven by my driver Adrian, who takes me on a quick tour of the island, which is only 3miles long and at it's widest 1 mile...approximately 1500 people on island. It was low season too so there were not that many tourist on the island. I arrive at CayeReef, which is 6 unit apartment building. I check in and get a quick tour of the apartment, which is upscale and a splurge for me ( I figured probably safer to spend a bit more money). I settle in and start to adjust to the island way. I spent the next couple of days, swaying in a hammock, walking the island, and just soaking in the atmosphere. It's low season and there weren't that many tourist on the island, which allowed me an intimacy with the island.

Typical street--no pavement on whole island

I was able to go snorkeling for the first time, which was pretty great. I went out with 7 other people who were all super friendly and from all over the world. I met a Brazilian couple on their honeymoon, a native Belizean woman, her sister and her 4yr old, and a young American couple. I got a chance to swim with nurse sharks, sting rays and several other types of ocean life. Maybe next time, I will go back to the Caye to get certified in diving. I also took a trip to San Pedro, another island, 45 mins on the other side of the Caye. San Pedro is a larger island, more tourist-y with actual paved roads. On the trip over met another fellow traveler, Susannah from Norway, who was going around the world for the 2nd time at only 27 years old, ended up grabbing dinner and drinks with her. It was a cool part of the trip, getting out of my element and talking to people that I wouldn't normally meet or interact.

Where I stayed

Finally, my time on the Caye was done and it was time for me to head back to the US and my everyday life. In looking back over my trip, I did enjoy it and loved the fact that I was able to complete something that I've wanted to do for a long time. It proved to myself that I can do things on my own and still have a good time. It also helped a lot to have Holly and my brother checking up on me via email during the trip. It reassured me that if something did go wrong that there was someone who would come looking for me or at the very least make an appearance on Nancy Grace.

This trip definitely signifies a new phase. I did miss traveling with my favorite travel partner, but feels good to be the ~~crazy ass~~ traveler who was able to make it happen on her own.

Example of mangroves that surround the island

Piers are everywhere

Waiting for taxi in CC

Sea grass surrounds island for at least 50ft
from beach--this is reason for the piers

He was nice enough to bring to surface for us to touch.
I kept thinking about Steve Irwin.

Private pier with a view

Sting Ray that was at least 4ft wide that swam below me

Yes--that is a shark--nurse sharks are not man-eaters, thankfully

Bittersweet

2011-10-18T14:14:00.000-04:00

Holly: I'm having a mixed emotions kinda day.

On one hand (and likely the larger), I'm SO excited for Jennifer. In case you've missed the countdown, she's officially in Belize!! Ahh-mazing! This marks not only a success in getting one of her "most longed for places to visit" checked off the list, but she's doing it alone. Yup, you read that right...crazyass, er, I mean, bold and courageous woman has traveled out of country alone. I personally, still struggle the alone trip to Target, let alone, making it through customs alone. But this is why she's so awesome, hope you're having an awesome trip, Jenn!

Yet, on the other hand (slightly smaller), this trip marks something new for our friendship. I always thought I'd be there to take the first pic with of Jennifer stepping onto Belizian soil. Alas, life has changed a bit in the most splendid of ways, however, has twarted my 'get up and go' ability.

Nevertheless, it's not about me and my semi-bitter state, its about the sweetness of Jenn making it happen for her self! Congrats sisterfriend, we all expect a full post with pics on your safe return

How good of a best friend am I?

2011-10-11T12:06:00.001-04:00

Love this cartoon

Jennifer: Holly told me a couple of weeks ago about Amanda Knox's best friend, Madison Paxton who moved...that's right moved, to Italy to be near her during the trial and to help keep her spirits up. This wasn't a childhood friend, but someone she had known for only a couple of years. The question inevitable then popped up was, "would you do that for me?" Hopefully, I will never have to face that question and Holly wouldn't be in a maxmium security prison in a foreign land. I've seen "Locked Abroad" and I'm pretty sure Holly would not do well in prison...domestically or abroad.

The idea of moving to a foreign country where you don't speak the language, to set up vigil for your friend accused of something as horrific as murder is pretty crazy and should be reserved only for Lifetime movies. BFF Madison was coming to see Amanda like every other day (granted did read that she was doing video diaries of her regarding her visits with Amanda, can someone say chi-chang!)...that is some serious devotion. Like what kind of connection and love do you have to have for someone to make that kind of a move. It's fairly impressive, and rarely seen that a connection like that is had and then actually proven. To call someone your best friend is one thing, to prove it by your actions is something all together different. So would I go to a foreign country if Holly was wrongly accused of murder...I would like to think I would, and definitely the possibility rises with yearly average high temperature and proximity to great beaches.

Holly: It's pretty badass to pick up your life for a bestie on trial for murder. I mean, there's many holes in the story, as I don't recall seeing this bestie anywhere during the press conference when Amanda was released, but hey, maybe I'm reading too deep into it.

As I was trying to justify to Jennifer, why I would expect her to take up a new residence in {insert country here}, it just seems it makes sense to save the money from the constant plane tickets and take the opportunity to see the world at my expense. Well, providing she truly believed I was innocent, which a bestie should right? Or at least find a way to justify why the sentence should be reduced.

So, maybe moving to another country shouldn't be on the checklist of "how awesome is your best friend?"; but at least entertaining the thought of a frequent visit schedule and carefuly crafted care packages (complete with the nail file and other escape tools) is a must.

First friend?

2011-09-29T16:05:00.000-04:00

Jennifer:

Who was my first friend? That's easy...Michaela T....kindergarten..circa 1982. She was probably the best friend, a five year old girl could have...Michaela lived on a horse farm....a horse farm..that's like crack to a five year old girl. Michaela was funny and the perfect mix of girly and tomboy. Always managed to sit by each other during snack, and at nap time we always had our blue mats lined up by each other. Everything was sunshine, pudding, and monkey bars until the dreaded day our friendship took a turn. It was a warm, spring day and Mrs Tolley, our teacher, had us out on the playground for the good part of the day. I distinctly remember what happened next...now almost thirty years later. Michaela asks the teacher to go inside as she had to use the bathroom. Mrs. Tolley tells her we will be going inside soon and to hold it. I remember seeing, Michaela leave the teacher's side looking pained, and dejected. The next thing I remember is seeing Michaela come from behind a tree on the edge of the playground where she had...you may have guessed it...took a huge poop!

Ok, now me being five didn't mean I didn't have any sense of decency or idea of what was right and wrong. I knew that Michaela taking that poop behind the tree was gross and totally uncool....and that from her decision to take that bathroom break au natural had changed our friendship. At that moment I had decided that could no longer be friends with her...horses or no horses. At five, I knew that I had things about friends I could accept and things I just couldn't get down. I was good at sharing toys, took my turn on slide, and knew that once someone pushed you on the swing that you owed them a good push too. These things were within my boundaries of acceptance...

But to this day, I still remember her as my first friend...despite our abrupt ending..think back...do you remember who your first friend was?

Ah, so that's the problem...

2011-09-20T15:22:00.000-04:00

Holly: Ah ha, I've discovered the holy grail of successful friendships: being good looking and in shape. Well, this is according to our 30-something personal trainer by way of Bulgaria. (Maybe his real meaning got lost in translation?!? Doubtful.) Last night, Jenn and I embarked on round 3 of finding a personal trainer that meets our basic needs:

1)appears to be physically fit{thinness by way of suspected Meth addiction doesn't count}
**sadly only 2 of 3 have met this requirement

2) reads through the bullshit and excuses and make us work {no, Jenn doesn't really have Spina bifida, 2 more reps please}
**a different 2 of 3 have met this requirement

3) isn't going to require the U.S to once again raise its debt ceiling due to costs
**only 1 met this one, and go figure, its likely because she's only looking to pay for her next hit

So, 3 trainers later, and legs over capacity of lactic acid, we got the best advice ever last night: "you need to lose weight so people want to be around you and you'll get more friends that way".

Got me thinking, is that true? Do we really only want to be around attractive people? Would this fall into the realm of "birds of a feather?", or maybe just downright shallow? I'll give him this much credit, it's never fun to look around and be the fat girl of the group (these are friends I don't have pictures with), or when together with friends, you don't want to be the 4th square that's doing her own thing (AKA looking a mess). However, I've yo-yo'd on this ever lasting journey of weight loss/fitness and even at my lowest weight and "skinny for me" standards, I didn't have a different group of friends. Not a single additional friend was added to the list, nor has anyone left when my pant size increased...yet again.

Where is Marty McFly when you need him...

2011-09-12T11:54:00.005-04:00

It can go for ova too, right?

Jennifer: Ok...here is a little secret, I totally do not like past Jennifer. This Jennifer had no problems causing problems for future Jennifer. Past Jennifer doesn't see the problem in hitting snooze button five times...I mean that's future Jennifer's problem if she has to rush, drive like a maniac and still be late...who cares?!?. Past Jennifer was cool with hanging out and not studying hard in undergrad and now future Jennifer is not able to get into her first choice of grad schools. Past Jennifer has no problem ordering the wings, with the cheese fries and hell, yeah, let's do the Chocolate Explosion dessert with fudge and ice cream...and gym...we don't need no freakin' gym...so what, if future Jennifer is a contender for heaviest woman in US and has to watch the nurse at Dr's office slide the scale further and further to the right. Past Jennifer could care less.

But here I'm with present Jennifer, who has been screwed out of things as past Jennifer didn't give the thought to the future and how even the small choices can have a serious impact. Like not pushing through dating someone because they weren't that "perfect match", has left future Jennifer wondering about the status of her ever dwindling egg supply( Yes, those eggs...definitely thinking of getting that poster with the kitten--this is definitely a hang in there type of situation). Past Jennifer apparently thought there was infinite amount of time to meet, her model/scientist future husband. Guess what?! She was wrong...again. Present Jennifer is willing to let go of the model and go for average. And the scientist part has been downgraded to someone who can count over a 100.

Now, I hope that when future Jennifer looks back at the present Jennifer (soon to be past), she concedes that there have been improvements made (it's a bit confusion...should have a flow chart). I'm hoping that life lessons, maturity and just an appreciation for how fleeting life really is shows that procrastination(my sworn enemy) and focus make for a more fulfilled, easier lived life. Hoping these lessons are taking into the future where they can do some good. That is until they create the time machine, then I'm going back and kicking some major past Jennifer ass.

Is filtering a way to save or destroy a friendship?

2011-09-06T14:05:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: I usually like my drinking water filtered. And my searches on google are set to filter any crazy content, and my email is set on pretty high filter to prevent my receiving any spam..but friendships? Does filtering comments deemed to explicit, harsh, or "stirring the pot" remarks can make for a stronger friendship or prove a weakness in a friendship? I'm a person who typically filters to co-workers and to those in the outer circle. It's my nature of being a fairly private person to take a pause before relating a story and check what setting I have this particular person on. Are they no filter, moderate filter or strict filter?

Most people are on the moderate filter, because believe me there is nothing really going on like that where I have to have a strict filter on my personal business. That setting is purely for strangers, my supervisor and my grandmother(What did I do this weekend, grandma? No, I absolutely did not spend anytime at a bar and was in the front row of church all Sunday Ok, this is more like a lie than a filter, but you get my point). On the "no filter" level, there are probably on a couple of people who are on this level. For people on this level, there is nothing that I'm purposefully hide. This does not include having diarrhea of the mouth and just spitting out every little detail going on in my life. But is more of if you want to know..ask and it will be answered honestly. Not trying to hide anything, just don't want to give you information I don't think you have interest. The "no filter" people have an all access pass, which is an indication of the level of trust and the bond. Now, for those people who are filtered, the filter may be in a attempt to save someone's feelings on a topic. Saying exactly how you feel all of the time, is not necessarily helpful to a friend in need...and is maybe a bit selfish(the need to share because you want to share). If a person, is not in the mental space to receive what you have to say...gotta set them at a higher filter, maybe just until they are in a position to receive(A friend who just lost their job, may not need to hear that in fact they have gained weight.) There is a time and place for everything.

Filtering can be the protective bubble for a relationship set on the moderate filter. But for a friend on the no filter...a sudden downgrade to holding things back can be a notice of problems or issues. So when a close friend asks you what an issue is or asks to expound on an issue, they probably notice that you're holding something back and at the end of the day really just want you to provide a full, honest answer...not doing so causes space where there previously was none and changes the nature of a relationship.

Holly: In spirit of analogies, have you ever had coffee grounds in your cup after brewing coffee? Despite the filter that's used, something always seems to spill over on the occasional pot? Yes, that's kind of how my personal filter works. No matter how much I try to monitor my reactions or bite my tongue in conversations with friends, sometimes my listening ear leaves behind an opinion...or two.

I have rarely encountered a friend that has been too harsh with their opinions to me, it could also be a result of my ever thickening layers of skin; so in saying that I don't really get the idea that true friends of mine would want me to have a filter...I call those folks, associates. I associate with them socially, and am careful of my interactions with them, because I like to keep it at a happy surface level where feelings don't have to come to play.

30 days to celebrate!

2011-09-01T12:51:00.000-04:00

Holly: Today's the 1st of September, are you aware of what that means? (Besides rent is due). It's the official first day and kickoff of International Friendship Month!

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure if that means we're to only celebrate our international friends, or the importance of friendship is now recognized beyong just the US borders. Which our readership shows, shoutout to our girls (we think) in Brazil, China and Russia!! Oh, and Abu Dhabi too...Jules, make sure you're spreading the good word to your new friends in the sand :)

Just coincidentally happens to be that Jenn and I are together on such a day of prestige (ok, too far?). We're spending the week at the beach: enjoying the peace that the ocean brings, the contentment that a healthy breakfast adds and of course the morning after headaches that 4 trips to the store to re-up the wine supply brings. And in the short words of Jenn this morning, as she looks up from her Kindle, slightly annoyed I continue to talk to her while reading: we are friendship month.

So, if this is what the month will look like (beach, pool, sleep, repeat), then thank you and amen for the best month of the year!

Jennifer: See how much we love our reading public...willing to take a break from the view, sun and the gentle lapping of the waves on the sand to write a post commemorating International Friendship month. Yes, I commented that "we are Friendship Month", because she did interrupt my sunning and reading to ask me my feelings on the subject and to ask why aren't we writing a post on the subject. I was actually hoping that response would allow me to get back to my reading faster...but alas,no.

I didn't even realize that International Friendship month existed. Is this a call to find friends in different countries or is this our opportunity to celebrate friendship as a world holiday? Either way, I think Holly and I couldn't get any further into the "friendship celebration" realm. Friendship is a regular topic of conversation for us...even outside of the blog. We are fascinated by the subject and will often ask other friends, about their friends...it's not just about being nosy, but really about understanding the thoughts and behaviors of other people when it comes to friendship.

Just the other night, we started pressing Jason, Holly's husband, on the subject of his male friends, purely out of true interest about the male psyche and friendships, and only a tad bit, because we were drinking. It's all encompassing subject to us, because it's important relationship. With all of the changes, the arguments, the therapy...we still recognize and appreciate the importance that our friendship has in each other's lives. So Happy International Friendship Month...and congratulations to all of those people who are lucky enough to share their lives with good friends!

If Eharmony does it, shouldn't we all...

2011-08-23T19:42:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: On those, oh so cute, and ~~sappy~~ happy eHarmony commercials, the announcer states that the couples who are now smiling and staring deeply into each others eyes, were matched on the top things eHarmony has found that are important for a relationship to work. It makes me think...in my friendships, how do my friends and I match on the top things that make a friendship work? And what are those things?

When I think of the important...let's call them tenets of my friendships, I came up with a pretty long list of what I feel I need to match up with on another person in order for us to be friends. Not to say that we have to match up on all of them, but the more matches definitely implies a stronger possibility of a close friendship. And then when I think about it even more (no, I don't just think about friendship crap all day...I do other things...I got stuff going on), I know that even in my list somethings are weighted more heavily than others. I think similar backgrounds are important, but they don't weigh as heavily as strong chemistry, which is another of my tenets. I think having similar education level is important, but so are having the same moral or ethical levels of reasoning (like no, girl, I don't think it's horrible that you only went out with him for a free dinner as opposed to that is really quite a whorish dating approach). If our personalities match, is it really important if we aren't on the same socioeconomic level? (We are both have laid back personalities, but yours has you staying at home receiving government assistance).

How important are race and cultural? This weekend went to WV with a friend( yes, WV is random, but I had a good reason why I was there...rock climbing and rappelling), who happened to be white and we stopped for a dinner at a local non-chain restaurant in a very small town...like a town that probably hasn't seen a black person in months and that was Oprah on TV. You know those scenes in a movie, when the person walks into a room and the music stops and everyone turns in sync to look at the person coming in....well, I kinda of felt like that happened...it didn't though. Was it something I felt comfortable sharing with my friend even though we share another tenet of friendship such as similar interests? No, I didn't feel comfortable sharing my discomfort with the surrounds...didn't want to make it more of an issue than it was.

I'm not using a checklist with friends, but I think if you look at the friendships in your life and think about what makes your friendship what it is then you probably will find you have your own matching system....what is important for you in and what creates the perfect storm of the perfect fit for your friendship?

Holly: I almost feel that making friends at this age is just as complicated and worthy of a matching system, like eHarmony. Hmm, is a new business idea?!? Nevertheless, we all have a subconcious checklist for most things in our lives, who we decide to award the title of "friend" is no different. Keeping with Jenn's term of tenents, I think our basics match exactly, its just the weight assigned to it that becomes a personal decision.

I'd weigh loyalty/trustworthiness higher than say, shared interests. I can think of a few women off hand that I have close to nothing in common with for activities, but if I ever needed an ear to bend in confidence, they'd be a go to. But there's the debate of education and socio-economic status...should I really care of prospective friend? I mean, its not like we'd be linking our 401k's together, right? But I guess I see it as "like company"...I'm sure there's not too many Ph.D in Molecular Biology Oxford University alum that are looking to befriend a state educated girl like myself. Dinner/cocktail conversations would be a definite struggle. Nor do I imagine that the heiress of Proctor-Gamble, or the like, is looking to me for future travel opportunities to Bora Bora...there's just no way I could ever hang...I'm sure paying for me would get really old quickly. How many of you have removed "that girl" from your invite list to dinners or happy hours because she seemingly never has the money to cover.

So let's say this phantom checklist really did exist, and you matched up perfectly on paper with someone. Is there still the possibility, like in dating, that the chemistry would just be off, no matter how hard you tried? Someone can be so perfect on paper, and there's just something missing that makes it a natural fit? I think so, and it makes me almost as disappointed as I was when dating.

The Social Network: Revisted

2011-08-01T15:40:00.001-04:00

Holly: You may not get the irony of the title, so let me try to explain without losing the punchline. I never finished seeing the movie The Social Network, and historically have never finished (ahem, or started for that matter) the Jenn/Holly friendship challenges. But this time, I'm aiming for a change. With the movie ready to go thanks to cable's On Demand feature, I'll get through it this weekend. And with a new challenge ahead of me, I'm ready to start and finish this month's friendship test:

Objective: Meet new people by initiating contact (yes, thats right: become an Aggressive friend seeker!)

Challenge runs from August 1-August 31. The rules are simple:

Initiate new contact with female friends, contact described as exchanging phone numbers, email addresses and facebook connections are optional (and garner extra credit)
New prospect friend must be a TOTAL stranger; meaning no 3rd party connection through other friends or co-workers. You must not even know her name or have cared about her existence prior to introduction
Once information is exchanged, take the friendship on a test run: (i.e. a frate [for definition, see earlier posts] of lunch, dinner or as simple as coffee)

It should be known that this isn't going to be easier for either party. Both Jenn and I are typically exclusive folks, keep to ourselves with an occasional smile to a stranger for good measure. However, I'm determined to finish this social challenge and expand our network, if only for the month of August.

Come September/October, we must report on the number of relationships that are still in existence, beyond "yeah, her phone number is saved to my phone contact list".

Jennifer: Yeah, I don't know if I'm on board with this one. I'm really horrible with meeting people. I'm one of those people whose charm has to grow on you...like for several weeks, months or years. Picking people up in the store is so far out of my comfort zone. I am not an approacher. It's not in my genetic makeup. I come from a long line of unfriendly people who do not seek out other friends. What can I say it's in my blood? So this bet is not fair from the beginning.

The real reason this idea has materialized is that Holly has picked up a couple of new people in the last month. A couple of weeks ago she picked up another new mom while at the mall, and then just the other day a couple while walking around her neighborhood. So it's not as hard for her as she may say...she also has this really easy conversation starter in the form of a super adorable baby. Me...I would just be out there with my slow starting charm and cute smile...yes, there is that.

I think about the group of people that I'm currently friends with and really think I could probably just concentrate on improving those friendships. I could probably be aggressive and add other friends, but I see so many holes and places for improvements in my existing friends that why would I seek out others. But for the blog...I will try at least once...maybe a workout partner?

Going solo...

2011-07-22T15:35:00.000-04:00

Jennifer: There is an art to going places by yourself. A confidence and self assured manner that carries you through the crowds of couples and groups of friends while being able to keep your head held high and not crumbling from the solitude. I have found that the older I get I definitely appreciate being alone and going out alone. A lunch in a cafe with a book or heading to a museum to peruse the art without a friend. I think that being able to be alone with your own thoughts, as scary as it may seem, is a nice way of reconnecting with yourself. When you are out with a friend, sometimes their thoughts and feelings, interrupts your own thoughts or changes the path in which your thoughts were heading.

In the book "The Artist's Way," which I'm not reading, but a couple of co-worker/friends have been doing the exercises has a section where they encourage the reader to take time to do something alone. The act of going out and enjoying your own company. I think this is an awesome idea. I have lately been thinking about making the jump to traveling alone...maybe even internationally. I'm not sure if I could do a week, but feel like I could handle three or four nights alone. Definitely, would help me discover what I'm truly made of...sometimes the company of others is a crutch and when you are alone you are forced to face a true self. It's easy to get mixed up in other's identities and to lose your place in the world. I think moving outside in the real world alone can help a person reconnect and take stock of the internal instead of the external.

Aggressive friend seeker

2011-07-11T05:53:00.000-04:00

Jennifer: She's the girl, that is always looking for someone to hang out with...you get her random emails sent to everyone in her address book. It could be for dinner, for a museum outing, or for a random vacation. She's available for any thing you want to do and she lets you know...often. She's the aggressive friend seeker. I know a couple of people like this...I get their emails and usual skim over it before deleting. It's not because they are bad people. It's more that I'm a bit skeptical of people who I don't know well who are so eager to keep my company. I guess I could quote Tupac by saying, "Hate to sound sleazy, but tease me. I don't want if it's that easy." Granted, fairly certain he was talking about sex and not friendship.

I think friendships always parallel any other type of relationship. People are interested in people who are available, but not too available. The always eager to please person who wants a friend, any friend, shoots themselves in the foot with their neediness. Where they may think that they are providing the perfect overture to create a relationship what they are doing is make themselves appear unworthy. Needy desperation is never a great personality quality when looking to create any kind of relationship.

Holly: Isn't the start of a new friendship just like dating in many ways? The dance of "who calls who first" or "should I call, since we only have spoken via text and email"..its way complicated. And slightly intimidating when you're being actively pursued. Even the cute guy loses a few cool points when he calls back too soon, right?

Yet, on the other hand, whats the point of playing the games? Is it to save your own ego that you don't want to readily admit that you are indeed free tomorrow night to go to that museum opening that was sent out via mass email? Or maybe its the pressure to perform when out on a new friend-date: new term alert, from here on out, we'll call it a frate. Coming up with new conversation while on this frate can be nerve-wrecking...I mean it was a lot easier to just be an address on the "to" line of an email...and most of the time with aggressive friends, the odds are you were just included on the "to" line out of courtesy...she probably would be floored if you replied back with a "YES, I'm in! Meet at my place at 6?"

Can Siblings Be Adult Friends?

2011-06-22T11:02:00.003-04:00

Jennifer: Adult relationships can be difficult. Even those relationships that you've had years to cultivate. I think about my relationship with my younger brother. During childhood we definitely had our ups and downs. We are close in age two and half years separate us. Despite being of the opposite sex we were often each other's playmates as we lived in a rural area and other friend options were few. As we became teenagers, we were less close as we had cars and friends outside of the home. I went away for school and didn't keep in touch. Phone calls home were generally to my parents with maybe a brief hello to my brother before he passed the phone to my mom. Email or texting weren't as popular as they are now...and I didn't have a cell phone (that year was 2002). We lived separate lives with no parallel experiences to tie us together. After graduation, my brother was living with my father and I stayed with my mom. He had a baby and I became a little closer to my brother through the birth of my niece.

Our relationship ebbed back and forth, with times of us being close and speaking a couple of times a week to times when we would argue and not speak for months. Even during those times, I still had this idea of who I thought my brother was and what our relationship was. I would make excuses for his behavior even when other people would question it. A sibling is one's closest blood relative and who you share the similar experiences of your formative years. But when do you look at your sibling as a person, as a separate entity who is responsible for their own behavior and not protected by the bubble of being family. As time goes on with my brother, I have stopped making excuses for his poor behavior. I've decided that if I wouldn't accept the behavior from any other person why should I accept from someone who should treat me better. The short answer is I know he loves me and I love him, but as we have both matured, I have come to realize that I can not put my expectations on him as to how a "perfect brother" should be. As an adult I need to set limits as to what I will accept and not accept in a person. At the end of the day, I will always be there for him as he needs it, but my opinion of him and how I interact with him has shifted as I accept the person he is. Just because we are related does not mean we need to be friends...just friendly.

Holly: We know I'm big on semantics, almost in an unhealthy obsessive kind of way. I strongly feel there's a reason why sibling and friend are two distinctly different words...they mean totally different things. There's a different dynamic with the person that literally knew your childhood back and forth, stories that don't have to be retold because they were there every time you were grounded; thus taking out some of humor or even bias from the story. And just like any other member of your family, they were sort of just handed to you as a part of your life, something that you didn't get the chance to evaluate, pick and choose.

Friends, well, thats someone that you make the conscious decision to share your life with, to bring into your inner circles and hear the stories of your crazy family, meet your crazy uncles and if your life is too crazy/hectic for them, they always get an out. Therefore, you have different expectations of these folks. For me, it could be a bit skewed (ok, more than a bit); but for me my friends have a higher bar of commitment to each other's happiness than my sister. Why you ask? Well, because as friends we chose deal with each other on a initmate level of friendship so that needs maintainance. Family, well too often we take each other for granted, and despite high levels of euphoria and friendliness, at the end of the day, the odds are you're still harboring feelings that you don't need to get over from when I always got the last slice of cake, or when mom and dad missed my recital to attend yours. It's just too complicated to mesh the two...

Short cuts..

2011-06-08T12:29:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: Isn't weird that we have these sub-sub categories that we place people? I mean beyond the basics of man-woman, race, religion, or any of the other major category....we continue to file people even further by the things they do, say, listen to, eat, etc. In daily life, if you are trying to describe a person, a type of person an/d the actual physical or personality description does not catch the nuances that make a person a person. For example, the other day, I shared via text to Holly that I was hot and wanted a Slurpee. It was a random text and typical of the most of our random text..completely inane and stream of conscious. Holly responds that she did not see me as a "Slurpee girl," but more of a "Rita's Italian Ice" type of person. Curious for more clarification, we spent the next 30 mins of our day, texting back and forth on who in our crowd were "Slurpee girls" and what that description meant. For Holly that small particular preference of a cherry flavored Slurpee on a hot day inferred a type of person and behavior...just based upon choice of frozen concoction. I think about the other areas of my life where I generalize a person based upon one tiny nuance or activity. I remember driving and saw a person who had a wide brimmed straw hat in the back window of their car. This is popular with a group of people who are older, traditionally African-American, who listen to certain music dress a particular way, and have a certain educational background. I knew this all by a straw hat sitting in the back of a window. I know people do it when they look or talk to me. They hear the inflection in my voice, and they assume certain things about who my friends are, what type of music I listen, etc. It's stereotyping at the base of it, but on a smaller, micro-level. Is it ok to take these "shortcuts" in making a judgement about a person?

Holly: Does this really fall into judgment? I mean, c'mon we've all said "oh, THAT girl"; I however admit, maybe I have a few more subcategories than most for folks. Amazingly though, whenever I spout off one of my "lots of black eyeliner kinda girl" or "attending the all white party next weekend kinda guy", most folks can readily conjure up the visual in their minds of who it is that I'm speaking of.

On a downside of it all, maybe I have ignored a few potential friendships because she looked like a "acrylic nail weekly refill" kinda girl. And maybe her personality in total shouldn't and cant be boxed by a beauty regiment...so OK that's judging, fair enough. Honestly, if I'm determining personality types by sugary drinks, I'm willing to bet someone has done the same for me. Wonder what my title would be?!? Ahh, maybe its best I don't know!

Good, bad or indifferent...

2011-06-06T12:09:00.000-04:00

Holly: Was reminded by one of my latest readings that "the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference".

The book I was reading was quite the page turner, and this definitely wasn't the moral of the story, yet the alarming message that I walked away with. It makes perfect sense though, I suppose. In order to put forth the energy to hate something/or situation you've got to be emotionally invested in caring...but to simply get to the point of truly "whatever"...that's where trouble brews. I was thinking about this last week, wondering if I had indeed lost my "mojo" or "feisty nature" on things and people that used to irritate me, and after trying to convince myself to care, I realized that what used to be a natural reaction was no longer there...

Maybe that's not a bad thing, in many ways it stops trivial arguments and keeps everything in a happy balanced place. In other ways its indicative that some part of a relationship has finally been defeated or deflated. Every friendship, family dynamic and relationship evolves at somepoint, right?

But this blog is about positive long standing relationships between friends and even the crazy family member, so how does one either turn it around or prevent the feeling of "whatever" to rear its ugly head? Is it a slippery slope of decline, or completely OK just being the "new normal?"
Jennifer: The kiss of death...indifference. Or maybe even a better (or more dramatically) way to describe it is as a malignant cancer...it may start in one non-essential area, but can spread to every corner of a relationship. Where you decide to not let one thing bother you anymore and it turns into not caring about anything a particular person does or says. It can be a point of no return in a relationship. When the decision has been made either verbally or non-verbally to take things as they are. Where you reach the point where there's no argument or discussion and issues float above with no interest from either party to address. It's really the beginning of the end. Once you reach past indifference, the only thing that lies in keeping in a relationship is maybe habit or just showing some respect to what it use to be. It happens to the best of us...some marriages exists for years with an air of indifference. It's a settling into what has become. It's probably one of the loneliest saddest state for a relationship to exist.

Is there hope... a light at the end the tunnel? Maybe...but there has to be movement from one side or the other..or the relationship will stay in that purgatory. In my naivete, I like to believe there is always hope and that where they maybe some darkness, but time and true belief in a relationship, the love that may lay dormant may be re-awakened. Otherwise the state of indifference becomes a chasm to vast to cross and situation is irreparable.

Another one bites the dust...

2011-06-03T09:48:00.002-04:00

Holly: Another week, gone. Adios, Buh-bye. Seriously, where's the "slow-mo" button on the summer months? How is it that we're already snuggled and comfortable into June? Meaning half the year has already gone by...what, if anything, can I say I've done to make the most of the time? Yeah, drawing a blank.

So it's the weekend again, which normally would be awesome, except the weekends seem to mirror the days of the week these days. Work, read, text message volleys with the top 5 folks on your call list, words with friends, eat, no sleep, and repeat. Sounds fun, huh? Yup, here I am, the poster child of pro-creation. Women, seriously, if you haven't been down this road before, think LONG and hard about it before you do. I'm sure the IRS will eventually give tax breaks for cats, coupled with a environment-friendly rocking chair...you're all set!

Although there's not a lot planned this weekend, there's certainly a zillion things to take care of. Fingers crossed that I can get going and make it happen. I've been putting off my empty promise of hanging out with a friend and her daughter, only because I know it's a set-up, and even though she's coming from a good place, she's really hoping the exposure to dirty diapers and pureed carrot feedings will get me going on the right track...so here's to a milestone Sunday for me.

Jennifer: Had training today at work on substance abuse use and the trends seen in kids...yes, I am firmly safe in my older generation looking at the new generation and absolutely sure that they are super crazy. Who the hell would smoke bath crystals or incenses?!? Or the eyeball shot thing, where kids drain alcohol into their eye socket so that it is quickly absorbed into their brain...yup, this is a thing. Also never heard of it, but apparently it's been around of the "vodka tampon"...where...well, you got it.

Saturday working all day. Sunday is up in the air. There is a wine festival in Bull Run and there is a strong pull to hang out there with a couple of friends. Wine, warm weather, unlimited tastings...I mean where is there a negative in that statement. But I'm leaving for a conference that day and don't know if would be a good idea to arrive drunk....think it's okay to be drunk at a conference, but probably not to arrive in that state. Already made an agreement with a friend who is going that she would be responsible for driving down, but could not guarantee what kind of mood I would be in the car...her vote is no wine festival for me. On the positive side, if I don't do wine festival will head down to Williamsburg early, and gorge myself at Captain George's seafood buffet. It all works out in the end.

Getting older...sucks

2011-06-01T10:28:00.001-04:00

Jennifer: I'm reading Water for Elephants now...not too much interest in the movie. I haven't finished the book, but there is a line fairly early on in the book that comments on age, "then in your thirties something strange starts to happen. It's a mere hiccup at first, an instant of hesitation. How old are you? Oh, I'm-you start confidently, but then you stop. You were going to say thirty-three, but you're not. You're thirty-five. And then you're bothered, because you wonder if this is the beginning of the end. It is, of course, but's decades before you admit it." I found this line to be pretty poignant. It's like recognizing the end. Ok, I'm not trying to be morbid, but it's interesting. I think when we sometimes think of old people we don't recognize that it’s happening all of the time to everyone. It's the process of living and it's not something that happens overnight. You don't wake up old. You wake up to the idea that you're old....you stop lying to yourself...ok, sorry for the darkness there...maybe I've been listen to a bit too much Emo-music.

It's normal to ease into heavy ideas or things...dipping one toe in before sliding into the reality of things...aging is the same. Getting older is one of those hard to swallow, inevitable things (right, you're not getting older...then you’re dead, right?)...acceptance comes in small swallows of finding the first gray hair, the crow’s feet that seems to appear overnight, and how slow your recovery time is after a minor injury. It's in these little moments that you contemplate your age and your life. It's too much to take sometimes in big large gulps the idea that life is speeding by and that we are no longer at the start, but well on our way down the road that has an end. I wonder how often do you think about life? And about the process of getting older? I think it's healthy and part of the human condition to think about life and about death. Be awaring of your existence and aware of your mortality can help you live a more full life. Taking advantage of the day to day and appreciating where you are when you are there...found this quote though a bit dramatic is true, "For death begins with life's first breath And life begins with a touch of death."

No worries, I will be laying off of the Emo music for a while.

Holly: It's pretty ironic that I really do have a passion for older people, I love being around them (ok love may be strong, perhaps appreciative is more accurate, and especially more so than Jenn) I love hearing their stories and admire the paths that were paved for other generations...but I certainly baulk at the idea of eventually becoming on of them. I'm even disheartened when twenty-somethings look at me with a "wow, didn't realize you were THAT old" stare on their face when I reference Wilson Phillips as one of my all time favorite bands.

But, like all things in life, its one of these things we're just going to have to accept (minus elastic waist denim, otherwise known as the mom jean). I recall a sermon in church one Sunday, of which, the pastor declared that aging was about the only single thing that crosses all human divides, so we should celebrate it, opposed to lying to each other and saying "girl, you haven't aged a bit, you look exactly the same from high school". (OK, I admit, its easy to remember sunday sermons when I on average only attend 4-5 per calendar year). It's not enough to just say Carpe Diem, but really put it into action. If indeed each day is just another day closer to the end (now that's dark) then why not really live the life you've wanted now? Well, for me, its a matter of finances...the life that I always pictured still has me floating off the coast of St. Tropez in my 150' yacht, tickled by the thought of the nuevo-rich folks like Jay and Beyonce. But the real picture that I see everyday, is a blessed life with amazing friends and family, a job that does more than make ends meet and a vacation calendar that just needs to be filled in with destinations.

Let's stop getting older and really get better, starting today. I want to look back on this post a year from today with a sense of nostalgia of "how things were" and compare to "how things are".

White clothing optional

2011-05-27T10:26:00.001-04:00

Holly: Call me a traditionalist, but today actually marks the day of safety: bring out all your white clothing (excluding shoes please, something about white leather heels will always scream 1982 hooker to me.) It's Memorial Day weekend! Coolers are packed, car's are gased up and sunscreen is a plenty...well, for everyone else; not me this year. And I'm not ashamed to say, that sucks. This is the first of many years, if ever, that I can't recall kicking off the summer doing something, even as a kid this marked the days of the pools opening, which always caused great stir and excitement, despite my dislike for swimming. Eh, what can you do. I spoke with my mother this morning whom, always full of infinite wisdom, told me to look at Maria Shriver, this is a time of 'transition'.

Thanks, mom. I kinda get where you were going with it, but I certainly hope that Maria and I have nothing in common ever at this stage of her life!

Holiday weekends are a great time to get together with family and friends and celebrate each other (oh yeah, and the real reason for the federal break), so looking forward to catching up with a friend from high school on Sunday (who like me is housebound due to pending baby) and hopefully bother Jenn to the point where she realizes that hanging out with the sober Holly on a holiday weekend can be just as fun! Happy Memorial Day!

Jennifer: Here we are at Memorial Day weekend...a time of fun in the sun, friends, cookouts, no work and hopeful reflection on the Armed Forces and the sacrifices those men and women have made and continue to make on our behalf.

Only a couple loose plans for the weekend..another way of saying possible boredom...no work so that is a plus! My younger brother is relocating back to this area from the Tidewater area. This should be interesting as we have not lived in the same area for a couple of years. I have a noticed an increase in his phones calls over the last couple of weeks. It will be neat to have him here in this area especially with older brother living just in Maryland. Should be an interesting adult sibling dynamic, and will also be great to have a willing tennis partner nearby.

As far as Holly...we both have Kindles now and she has been instructed to finish the book Something Borrowed so we can start the newly formed book club she has been wanting for years. And we will also be able to check out the movie...finally. The book was interesting...lots of discussion topics on friendship.

Have great weekend everyone!

Is my life like a movie?

2011-05-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

Jennifer: So I checked out that Bridesmaid movie...twice...yes, it was that funny for me to plunk down my $11 plus costs of requisite popcorn and drink two times. Its a movie that made me laugh out loud and that hasn't happened in a theatre in quite some time (not including laughter at horrible acting or an unbelievable plot). The movie's at it's most basic is about transition and that now over used phrase of "life shift." Two close friends who grew up together and now are in different phases of their lives. The crazy bridal party compromised off the random people we sometimes attract in different phases our lives and experiences. I think by it's nature a bridal party represent a microcosm of our lives. We all have the sex crazed friend, the too quiet, seemingly innocent friend, the odd ball sweetheart, the pulled together--looks like she has it all person, etc. It kind of makes me wonder what my title is in my friendship group...maybe lovable sarcastic, goof? I probably play that role or some semblance to it for most people in my lives, and for those that I'm closer I hopefully a more rounded out character. Each person plays a role in thier own particular group and is important piece of that group. Those people can represent the various sides of your personality...as no one person is one dimensional. We all have those facets of sometimes completely unrelated personality quirks that one friend is able to elicit or release in you....those are the specialty friends...the ones who pull out the Star Wars geek in you or maybe the fashionista..because you are a little of both.

My favorite scene in the entire movie is the engagement shower toast scene. I totally loved the scene, because it shows how protective and possessive we get with the people we love in our lives. One of the funniest and truest scenes, I have seen in a movie. Despite or through all of the crassness that occurs in the movie, ie. toliet scene, it's a sweet girlfriend friendship movie. And no, I have not received any compensation from the movie for this review.

U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi...

2011-05-23T15:16:00.002-04:00

Holly: Am I dating myself with today's title? Eh, oh well, at the end of the day, I'd much prefer to be referred too as aging and old, as thats going to happen to all of us if we're lucky, than ugly. The hoopla began last week, and I tried not to give much credence to it, as Pysch Today quickly retracted the article; but I just can't seem to shake the thought that someone funded a study to support the idea that Black women are ugly. Yup, that means you too dear sisterfriends, if you're reading this post. My wonderful friends with a longer lineage to the motherland, you're the winners of the unspoken "beauty contest".Again.Congratulations.Again.

It's not that I'm bitter, this time I'm really pissed. How much more can a single group of folks take? I think what was the most confusing is that Black men ranked high on the "attractive" scale...umm, hello, where do you think he got his looks from?!? Yup, his mother.

So, I get that this one study doesn't make all folks bad...but it maybe makes me think about the social hierarchy amongst my friends. We currently have a poll posted on if you can really be bestie's with someone from a different race? I want to think we all answer with an astounding YES! But is that true? Could someone outside of my place of "ugly" understand, relate and appreciate my anger? Not just empathize. The jury is still out on that one.

Jennifer: Holly forwarded me the link to this article and before I could get a chance to read it Psychology Today had already pulled it from their site due to the outrage. As a black woman, I was definitely disgusted and outraged. I wondered why Psychology Today would publish this study in the first place and where was the common sense prior to publishing. It definitely reflects how differently people think. There was a group of people who sat on the editorial review board of the magazine and thought it would ok to publish an article that attempts to justify labeling a race and sex as "ugly." I'm not surprised that a study like this was conducted or exists, as there are always random studies being conducted covering some of the most inane, ridiculous subjects. It is more surprising that a nationally known, well respected magazine such as Psychology Today would present a stage in order for this type of hate to be spewed.

Many would like to believe that here in 2011 we live in a utopia of racial equality. And that the attitudes and actions of a few misguided, ignorant people are a relic of the past. These are the same people who don't understand why it is important to have Black History Month or Ms. Black America...in this society where African-Americans' actions, thoughts, and beauty are not appreciated or recognized across the board. The "racism is over" chants hold no water and are obviously premature. It boils down to an attempt to separate and disparage a group based on differences. We all have differences...these differences create beauty. There is no one mark of what beautiful or right is and until that is recognized then we will continue to allow the ignorance of a few to define beauty for the rest of the world and unfortunately for generations to come.

The end is near

2011-05-20T10:23:00.001-04:00

Holly: Or at least that's what some of the crazies are saying. Here's my written attempt now to get right with the universe, as I guess according to some crazed man (who was once wrong before, but blamed it on his lack of bible studies) that May 21, 2011 is the end of it all. So in appreciation of things ending, here's my list of things I'd be happy to go away tomorrow:

1. Jeggings-it's not a good look on anyone, despite your size
2. The layer of fat on my arms,chin, and thighs; I'll wait until I deliver to request the tummy fat to disappear
3. Slow drivers in the left hand lane; especially if on their cell phone
4. My student loan balance (this should probably be higher on the list)
5. DC area traffic-I'd like to be able to get to the beach in less than 7 hrs( (see #3)
6. The "reply-all" button on work emails
7. Gas prices
8. Bills. Period.
9. Dropped cell phone service (Dear Pentagon officials: I know you have something to do with this)
10. Winter. I'd be very happy if everyday was a gorgeous Spring day

So, Mr. Crazed preacher man, if you're reading this, please let me know if these requests can be fulfilled. In the event that it can't, I'd totally appreciate it if you'd just find a large land compound like other religious crazed folks have done in the past and stop trying to ruin the future aspirations of the country. Please and Thank you.

Jennifer: The whole end of the world thing, and all religious fanatics(including the guy in Australia who has a small following after announcing he is the second coming of Christ, with his own Mary Magdalene beside him) creep me out a bit. The doomsday soothsayer pronouncing that humanity's evils have reached the tipping point and now the world is going to end. I doubt if the world is going to end of the first forecasted day of no rain in over a week. So with Holly I have my own list of things that I would be happy to see go away:

1. High gas prices, I mean call me sentimental, but remember the days when a fill up was $10 and it came with a free car wash.

2. My addiction to sugar...I mean its better than meth or bath crystals, but it's still a unhealthy downfall.

3.Over use of texting and texting vocab(lol,ttyl, :),etc)--ok, I'm definitely one of those people...text messages last month were 2552, which is excatly 2550 more than a 35 year old woman should be using.

4. Horrible dating experiences...I mean really....unless I'm on a reality series that I'm unaware of these dates have to improve.

5. Oversharing coworkers and strangers...I'm happy that after weeks of being constipated that you have finally found a fiber supplement that works..really I am.

6. Bras that cut into your sides and are super uncomfortable..ready to go bra-less...who's with me??

7. Men, still in this day and age, who look at your chest and not your eyes while talking to you..ok, the bra goes back on

8. Racism/Sexism/Ageism/insert-ism here...

9.My crappy car

10.Weekends that include work...like this weekend:(

Nevertheless, hope everyone is able to enjoy the weekend especially if things don't end on 05.21.2011.

How important is money in an relationship?

2011-05-18T22:49:00.001-04:00

Jennifer: As a young girl, I grew up dreaming about the man I would marry, how tall he would be, what color his eyes would be, and what kind of job he would have. I always pictured myself with a super educated, professional man, who may own a personal jet, properties around the world, worked but didn't have to as he held a significant trust. As I got older, I started to reshape the picture, and became less materialiastic and impressed by money, the picture of me lying poolside in the south of France, became cloudy, and the picture of me at my apartment pool, surrounded by screaming neighborhood children fixed in as reality...lucky me. Despite this shift, I still find myself, not fully letting go of that image of the man of my dreams....the image of money still lingers.

In the dating world, and in talking with girlfriends, I see that most women struggle with finding balance of accepting a man where he is and wanting a man to be already there with the money and flash to show for it. A lot of times, we will say that having money is not important and just a perk, but when it comes down to it I have known many friends to reject a guy, because he's not driving the right car, doesn't have the right shoes or watch. Regardless if they are attracted to this guy, he has the right pedigree or an awesome personality, they can't see past the lack of money. So where does this leave a person...do you give up on maybe an ideal you have for yourself or do you look at it as a thing of maturation and look past the money...and into the soul of person? I want to think of myself as a fully rounded person, not bound by the material worlds, but I find it difficult to fully embrace a person who isn't at least in a position to arrange a date that includes the basics, dinner, movie or the like.Unless, a man can totally blow me away with being thrifty creative, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting someone who can provide the dating "basics."

Holly: Writing this and reflecting back to childhood is quite eye-opening, as I don't think I ever gave it much thought as a young girl of who I would marry. Actually, I think I may have scratched the whole idea of marriage out of my fantasies by age 4...I could never understand exactly, why the princess couldn't wake up without a kiss, or better yet just find really cool friends to play with and ignore the frogs. Hmm, I suppose I was a militant toddler.

I have a friend who is adamant on never dating a teacher; simply because the pay grade will never get to an areas of which she's comfortable with. Even though a said teacher may be the most attentive, compassionate and fun natured man, the fact that his student loan debt likely exceeds is EP (earning potential) makes his candidacy for companionship null and void. Yet, she's still alone. I'm just saying, a $40K salary is certainly more than a $0k salary if you're really looking to add to your household income.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to come across as a huge hypocrite, there are certainly times that I wish we had an unlimited budget and could spend the summer on our 150' yacht exploring the Greek Isles...but the truth is, I also have come to realize I can't expect someone to bring to the table what I'm not able to produce myself. So...paddle boating in the tidal basin it is.

I do however see Jenn's point for providing the basics on the game of dating...not every date should be at the Smithsonian (even if his tax dollars contribute to the maintainence), or walking around the park. We all need to eat, and at somepoint the +1 at the dinner table should be able to pick up the tab

FRAGILE: Handle with care!

2011-05-16T12:40:00.001-04:00

Holly: How far away are you from a full breakdown? Whether emotionally or mentally? Honestly, I'd like to think I'm a lifetime away from the cracks in my shell being large enough to matter...but then again, I used to think that about a lot of folks. This post is partially due to the fact that I still maybe need to find a hobby and stop spending time over-analyzing others; but I feel like I've been first hand witness to changes in others that have sparked new behaviors with them. We're not talking about the third life crisis (whatever, its a new term), or even anything so apparent like posting YouTube video's of themselves repeating the word "winning". It's more subtle changes that have me worried about them, as well as the validity of my friendship with them.

Have you ever been around a seemingly normal person, yet their behaviors in that moment make them seem a bit off? Like way too over the top in energy...such as they're just hiding the fact that something is broken on the inside? Or even the conversations that they share are so off topic and erratic that you have a hard time bringing them back to center? These are the signs that make me worried. Almost Charlie Sheen-ish, minus the machete. And it seems to be occurring all around me, with people that seemingly have it all together "on paper" and from an outside perspective. The validity concern comes from me constantly having to ask myself (and Jenn), "am I close enough to her to say anything?" My typical rule is, if I have to ask that question, then the its pretty obvious that I'm not close enough to say anything to her.

Maybe that's where my fragile area is: asking the tough questions of others. Perhaps, I just don't want to know, or carry the burden that comes along with the disclosure that your friend could just be on the brink of a breakdown.

Jennifer: It's hard to see a friend go through anything emotionally hard. It's even harder when that friend doesn't seem to rebound as quickly as you think they should or what would be healthy. But when things drag along, and the friend appears to continue to live in the past and seems to be completely consumed by a situation and can't move forward, what can you do? What should you do? When does giving them the time and space for the healing to occur on their own timeline cross over to needs immediate intervention to protect their sanity (and by proxy yours too)? It's hard question and definitely depends on the relationship you have with the person. I know there is super limited amount of people I can stand to hear constructive criticism from regarding how I should feel on a subject and even those people have only a day pass up for possible renewal at the beginning of the next day. I think the only way that a person should feel comfortable in crossing those lines and giving that tough love intervention is if they are truly concerned about a person's health...long and short term health...you could be saving a person's life. And if the person's someone who you call friend, and have expectations of, then you owe it to them to help them as much as you can through this period in their lives.

It's hard to make that jump, and you know other friends probably see the issue too, it's just the matter of who is going to yell "wolf" first. It's kind of like that phenomena when people are in a group seeing someone get robbed or beat, no one moves to help, because they always assume that someone else in the group is going to make the move first. If you want to get involved, check with a mutual group of friends about how to proceed and see what the group thinks about moving to help the loved one. I agree with Holly as far as the getting involved part...the Chinese say, save a person's life and you are responsible for them for them for the rest of their lives, so just make sure that before you make that jump into calling someone on their stuff, that you are mentally prepare to make the space in your life for them. If not, then you are leading them to another kind of disappointment.

Putting in time...is it okay to walk away?

2011-05-11T07:56:00.000-04:00

Jennifer: I'm sure by now you've heard that Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarznegger have decided to split after twenty five years of marriage. Twenty five years of daily living together, the ups and downs, raising children, arguments about picking up underwear and socks...all to end with a press release of notice of amicable separation. So after twenty five years, couldn't they work through it? At what point, do you consider the amount of time and effort put into a relationship as too much to give up on? Is it like a mortgage in a house where you just don't have enough equity to justify staying in it...so you walk away?

In regard to marriage or any other relationship, I feel that time should count somewhat to the bottom line, but at the end of the day if you're unhappy, have been for sometime and there is no way to work it out then you have to leave. Doing time should only refer to prison sentences and not relationships, regardless if it's been 10, 25 or 50 years if it's time to go then it's time to go...regardless of time together. If the investment of time you have put into the relationship is not paying you back with sense of fulfillment and happiness then you have to walk away. Some people will waste so much of their life in a relationship that is exhausted, because they think of the time and the effort that they have put into the situation. At the end of the day, spending even one minute of unhappiness, in a situation that will not improve is not worth it. Every moment and minute of life is fleeting and precious and to waste it on a dead situation is sacrilegious and an affront to living well.

Never happy?

2011-05-09T12:55:00.001-04:00

Holly: Is it possible that there's a part of human nature, or maybe just my nature, that's never completely satisfied with "the way things are." I'll save you from the 2nd Sunday of the month church style testimonial, but truly as an overarching theme (not to be confused with the patented saying), Life is Good. And even as I write this, I think, "whats the matter with you woman?" Life is better than good, life is great, I'm blessed with great family, friends, clothes, food and shelter. All basic needs are met in abundance, but there's always something else that I'm searching for, I guess. Today search: the ability to take a quick break from it all. Looking to pause time for 3 days or so and find a remote island (well, with bartender) and disconnect from the daily grind. (OK, I get some of you may call this vacation, but no, that's not it either)

How and why does that happen? You ever have that nagging voice that sometimes tells you "you need more friends, you're a lonely loser sitting at home"; yet the thought of balancing one more relationship in the mere 24 hours a day given is a bit overwhelming? Or the nagging voice that says "you should get a hobby that doesn't involve eating and sleeping"; then once you start that you're overwhelmed with the additional responsibility or money that it takes to keep that hobby going? Yep, that's me totally. Be careful what you ask for...that's the saying, right?

Perhaps there's an upside to the "can't get no satisfaction" outlook on life. Maybe it makes me a better person never wanting to settle with "this is the cards dealt in life" and always looking for the next challenge? Ah, or here's something to ponder: do we (or just me) find something to bitch about because it would make us a very annoying person and unrelatable friend to be around if we walked around saying how great our life really was?

Jennifer: I have those same feeling that Holly mentioned in her post. I take stock of what's going on in my life and think, "Shouldn't I be living a more exciting, fulfilling life?" Why am I not living the high life like those people I see in beer commercials and on the movies? I should be summering in Martha's Vineyard, yatching with friends, heading to the opera, and dating multiple (extremely) attractive men. Having that social circle in order to do all of that would be awesome, in theory. But I also know myself well enough to know that some of those things that I think I want are not as attractive in real life. I think in this regard, my "eyes are bigger than my stomach." My personality and needs would not be supported by a fast pace, out every night of the week lifestyle. I wish I could be that person, but when I've tried to live that way I find myself super tired and annoyed at being out. I look at the people I know who have large social circles and compare their "happiness level" to mine...and guess what...there really is no difference. I enjoy my life overall and want people to enjoy theirs. For my friends, I love their successes as I would want them to love my own personal successes. No one should ever feel hesitant to share the happiness that exists in their personal world. And creating an issue out of a non-issue to makes yourself relatable is really just a horrible idea and cheapens the idea of what a friend is. A friend would never want or ask you to be a lesser version of yourself just in order to make the other person feel good...positive happy energy helps promote positive happy energy.

To want more is human. To look at all you have and say, to yourself, "This is great, but what I would really like is (insert thing/place/relationship)." Granted some people have more of this craving for "more" than others. Certain personalities and people, will always have trouble, regardless of their current situations, in accepting their current state...and just living in the moment. These are the same people who are the go-getters, ambition people, and the Type As of the world. Now we could capture all of those Type A personaility types in put them in little cages, but these are the people who help get things going and accomplished in the world (and who are we kidding, we Type B people would not have the focus or motivation to do all that rounding up done). It's best for all people Type As and Bs to appreciate and show the appreciation for the good that exist in their lives. There is always negative in the world so more than ever we must love the positive even if it's in our own little corner of our day to day.

End of the week...

2011-05-06T13:33:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: The Friday before Mother's Day, the one official day of the year that we give thanks and show appreciation to the one who bore and raised us. A day where we are reminded as daughters that we still have a lot to learn from ol' mom (I'm not calling you old, mom..it's an expression). I don't know about you, but my mom is very quick to give advice....99% of the time it is not requested. It's a mom's place apparently to tell you things, from your dress is too tight, your eyebrows are too thin, and "why can't you meet a nice man and just have kids forgodsake?" It's at Mother's Day...the one official day of the year where I let my mother go hog wild, carte blanc on personal criticism and "helpful" life advice without the rolling of the eyes or the heavy sighs. This year I will not be able to spend the day with my mom as she is in another state so we will have to make do with a phone call filled with guilt trips, criticisms and the like. I know at the end of the day that all of my mom's motherly advice comes from a good place and that she loves me above all....at least that's what my therapist tells me.

I love and appreciate my mom and am thankful for all of the times through my life that she has without hesitation provided support and comfort to me. I thank her for her part in helping shape my personality and confidence in myself (Growing up, my mom was always quick to remind me that I was the prettiest girl in the room...so yeah you can blame her for the over confidence). For showing me that having a generous spirit and a forgiving heart, is an important quality in being human. I wish her and all mothers and mother's to be;) the happiest of Mother's Day

The Little Engine That Could...revised

2011-05-02T11:43:00.001-04:00

Holly: We all remember the story of the little caboose, right? Chugging along saying "I think I can, I think I can"Could it be possible that as we age we outgrow those cute stories with morals and pack on so much baggage that our can's turn to can't? After a good sisterly brunch this weekend, I walked away with not only the warm and fuzzies that come from spending time around your fav girlfriends, but also a tinge of sadness from the conversations about other women that we don't have a full grasp on the differences between "I can't do it" and "I don't want to do it". I'll spare you all the Elizabeth Cady Stanton references, however, c'mon women there's very little that we really can't do.

Sure there's a long list of things that I truly don't want to do: cleaning, cooking, working, paying bills, paying $4.50 a gallon for gas, sitting in traffic, working weekends just to make Monday morning easier, etc...but thank goodness the mass that's between my ears and yours is a spectacular organ of synapses, not just gray mush. So when I hear women quickly go to dangerous places of "I can't do it alone", it really makes my blood boil and maybe even invoke an internal tear.

There's so many things that are a lot more fun with the company of +1: brunching, talking on phone, scrabble, tennis, traveling, etc. And yes, there's a lot more things that are perceived "easier" with the company of +1: paying bills, splitting checks, companionship, etc. But the bottom line is that we all want those things, its not a basic function in our lives that makes progressing in areas impossible if it's just you. Listen, I surely 110% am NOT an advocate of intentional single-parent households...but I'm 220% NOT an advocate of women (or men for that matter) giving up their sense of self to make something work for the sake of thinking "I can't do it alone". PSA women: you're a lot stronger than you think and you CAN do it, you just may not WANT too...and that's OK to admit. But enough of the damsel in distress routines...

Jennifer: Hmm, is Holly passionate on the subject of woman empowerment? Many of you probably don't know that Holly was really into Women Studies, but then realized that majoring in Women Studies was not the way to go if you didn't want a cardboard roof (even a nice refrigerator box) as your only housing choice. I, as a woman and human, am in support of women making choices for themselves. We, as individuals, have the ability to choose what best fits our personal choice. Personal choice remains a hot topic, especially regarding women. Having kids or not having kids, if that is the question, then the answer has to be given by the person who is going to carry, clothe and feed said child for the 18+ years it will take to get them out of the house. I agree that a lot of women question their ability to carry such a load solo, thinking about the social stigma, the physical, mental and spiritual toll that undertaking of single parenting hood can add to a person. And also agree that some women don't regconigze their own strength, and often sell themselves out to quickly, looking for a man to complete the picture or to make it okay for them to have a child. I don't know if the hesitation has do with being a "damsel in distress" for all women, but willing to give credit that the majority of women know what their particular strengths and attributes are that would lend themselves to child rearing. Have you heard the statement that not all people should be parents....well another statement should be...not all people should be single parents. Knowing what your strengths and "lesser strengths" are doesn't make you a weak person it just makes you an insightful, and maybe more responsible.

Fairy tales do come true, it can happen to you...

2011-04-29T10:13:00.001-04:00

Holly: Well, the title is accurate if we consider that my fantasies this week has surrounded itself around Friday finally getting here. Not that its been a bad week, but definitely a trying week of doctor appointments, bedrest (yeah, yeah, so I didn't do that very well), lots of work related stuff and oh yeah, we wrapped up our final therapy session on Wednesday. If you're reading, thanks Dr. W, it was a pleasure to have met you and we'd be more than happy to be in your next study of crazy friendships!

Today also marks the start of the new royal family. Princess Catherine's fantasy came true too, therefore, today is a good day. Although I don't understand much about the monarchy and British rule, it was important for me to view the wedding. Even though I was barely a toddler, I do remember my watching Diana's wedding on the floor model TV...part of those things in life I just didn't want to miss. Running for husband of the year, Jason got up even before me this morning preparing morning tea, biscuit and jam for the occassion. It solidified to me that Catherine isn't the only person that found her prince; breakfast in bed at 3:45am is definitely Princess worthy!

Jennifer: Yup, the end of the week..nothing spectacular this week...SSDD. Eh, it happens like that sometimes, right? The week flies by with no discernible marcation between days. All you do is shoot for the end of the week, where the groundhog effect is postponed for a couple of days only to be picked back up on Monday. Umm, happiness. Therapy did end on Wednesday...is it the mark of a successful therapy period, to be started by the need for additional individual therapy?...lol. It was an experience and I'm sure in future Dr. W. will be more careful in screening propsective clients as a result. I also rolled out of bed for the wedding. It was certainly a production, but great to see fairytale live out in living color in 19" from my couch. Four am was a bit early for a fairytale, but when can I say I'm a romantic. :)

I'm looking forward to a weekend of peace and quiet with a pause of the bullsh@t of the week. Happy weekend everyone!!

I'm such a girl...

2011-04-27T05:15:00.005-04:00

Jennifer: A new research finding (how we love those never ending research studies that state the obvious) showed that men and women really do see things different. The researchers interviewed 113 people and asked them how 50 objects fit into a particular category: partially, fully, or not at all. Men were found to make absolutes...like it is "definitely this" or "definitely not this." While women were 23% more likely, to say an object (they used is tomato a fruit as an example) is in the partial category (like, tomato is kinda a fruit and vegetable...yes, Holly, I know that tomato is a fruit). This research reflects the idea that men are more than likely to make absolute choices maybe without recognizing the gray in an area.

I live in the gray zone...I love gray skies, gray sweaters, gray cats, and people with the last name Gray. It's where I'm comfortable. It's hard for me not to see both sides of an argument and to feel empathy for both sides. It can be a little annoying for some people for me not to take a definite stance on some situations. It's not that I'm not on one side, it's just that I usually can see at least one point the other party is trying to make. I definitely like taking a step back from a situation and weighing both sides. There are some subjects that are obviously black and white, but most day to day things have a mess of gray to wade through. I wonder...do you see most things in black and white or are you with me in the gray?

Holly: OK, let's be honest, 23% isn't really a staggering number in terms of differences between the sexes...and I for one, resent the thought that being a girl somehow makes you gray. Yes, here comes that feminist rant again...

I just don't get "grayness", I think of it (sensitivity warning ahead) as lazy way of life, not ever having to make decisions and letting life and situations happen to you. Riding the fence of life, not only is unproductive but it only hurts you at the end of the day. The truth is, women are notorious for being decisive when we deem that its something really matters to us. And being empathetic has very little reasoning on staying in your comfort zone. There are times when I really do have a hard time making the pressured decision on whats for dinner, yet in the same vain, I'm also able to say what I absolutely don't want for dinner. That alone, is a decision that was made. Life isn't necessarily polarized into black and white, as there has to be room for flexibility on the grayscale; however women, let's stay flexible to situations and easy-going on vacation plans, not the important things of right and wrong.

All things come to an end

2011-04-25T12:16:00.003-04:00

Holly: It's officially spring, and a good majority of the religious population celebrated some form of "Rebirth Day" yesterday, whether is came in Passover or Easter, the messaging behind it all is Spring is the sign the sign of new beginnings. And as the saying goes, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. I was reading an article today by Dr. Andrea Bonoir, author of The Friendship Fix and was inspired by her statement in regards to friendship breakups that "Endings are Natural."

It's pretty odd that I don't consider myself an overly sentimental person, let's blame it on my zodiac sign; it says that most Scorpio's are able to walk away from relationships once they've run their course without ever looking back. For the most part its true. But things that I do have a hard time with "finale's" on simpler and sillier things: a good meal or dessert (fatty alert), a good TV show (still angry that The Wire has ended) or even when saying goodbye to people that I know I'll eventually see again. But friendships? Nope, haven't ever allowed myself to enter the place of "what if", or "how come?"...

Many women are sheepishly embarrassed to give their number count of men conquests...it's OK, I get it. I like to keep my number at 1 too :) But it's also amazing how we also have a hard time admitting to the number of bestie conquests we've been through...this number, I'll keep under 3, as maybe admitting to anything higher may make me seem non-committal and flighty?

Yet, the truth is that I have had several "bestie-like" candidates throughout childhood, and when the relationship fades, it just fades. Clean hands, no problemas, no mas, adios amiga. And oddly, never due to an ending from a fight or argument, but simply lives at some point took different paths. In high school it was maybe I elected to take Latin (yes, dorky) while she took French; or played softball rather than lacrosse; then in grown up years it transitioned too "I enjoy my couch more than the clubs". The awesome thing about it all is that with every friend ending, started another new friendship. I suspect this pattern will continue to occur, God willing, for the next 70+ years of life, with one thing always remaining constant, and that's the friends that make that leap into being just life family...you'll never outgrow those folks.

Jennifer: Sure things come to an end...I just don't want them to end. I'm one of those overly sentimental people who hate to let anything go. I still have notes and letters from high school and birthday cards from friends in college. I love the idea of pulling friends, kicking and screaming, into each new phase of my life. Not to say that I haven't let people go, it has happened, but it was definitely after multiple attempts on my side to make things work. Not necessarily, because they added anything that couldn't be replicated, but just that I hate to admit when something is over. It's like adding an "L" to the win/loss count. Some friendships are definitely worth putting forth the extra and not just allowing the "slow death" to happen where you fall further and further a part. But there are definite other times when just have to acknowledge that life happens and there are things beyond your control. And sometimes letting go is the best way to move forward into what awaits you in your new phase of life.

Buenos Viernes..

2011-04-22T09:31:00.001-04:00

Jennifer: Not sure why the title is in Spanish...but happy Good Friday to all. Here we are at the beginning of Easter weekend. Easter weekend growing up always meant new dress and shoes, and getting up crazy early to head to church for Sunrise Service. I'm not hopeful that this Sunday will be a throwback to years past....no shiny patent leather shoes for me. Tonight, I believe Holly and I will be attempting a face to face contact. Always good to see her and catch up on the latest in person as opposed to text. Saturday, I will be heading to Richmond tomorrow to be closer to friends and family. Saturday, will bring brunch at one of my favorite restaurants in Richmond that I haven't been to in many years, Millie's. Their food is creative, fulling with a hipster decor in downtown Richmond...awesome. Meeting a line sister and her kid for a catch up session. The rest of Saturday is up in the air a bit, but will end the evening at my grandmother's house. Easter Sunday, will likely be a pillow side service. Will hopefully be able to join family for Easter dinner later that day. Happy Easter!

Holly: For all of you C&E church members, its that time of year again...church time for Easter! And in keeping with the denomination, we've got another 8 months before the next attendance is required. I had awesome hopes for a great Friday today, then got a call from our prospective nanny demanding more money. Uhh, wrong weekend, woman. Doesn't she know this is the weekend the donation/offering plate will be passed 3 times this Sunday? The well is dry.

Not only is the well dry, but her demands are unheard of. So here's the how story ended: we still have a vacancy for a Nanny to begin Aug 2011; any leads are greatly appreciated. Bi-lingual in a relevant language is preferred.

Coupled with Easter Sunday this weekend, is a trip to the in-laws, another weekend headed down 95S; thoughts and prayers greatly appreciated for clear traffic. I'm so blessed to have great folks in my life, Saturday is our Williams' family side baby shower! This entire process thus far has been purely theoretical, with lots of denial of a kid joining the family soon...but just like with the wedding process; the moment there's a shower its time to get serious, buckle down and realize that life as you knew it, is a changin'!

Wishing everyone great dyed eggs, and lots of chocolate bunnies!

The Art of Thank You

2011-04-20T10:08:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: It's one of the first verbal signs of appreciation we are taught to say as children. Maybe even before we learn to say "I love you," we are taught to say "thank you." When an infant is handed a toy or a gift we encourage them to the word, "thank you." Why is the act of giving thanks so important? The sign of thanks that we all look for even from people we don't even know and will likely never see again. We want to be shown even the most basic signs of appreciation. How many of you after allowing someone to pull ahead of you in traffic wait for that all important hand thrown up as a sign of thanks? Or when you hold the door open for the person behind you while leaving the mall you expect to hear the words, "thank you"? Even these small instances with strangers, we hold such strong expectations for feelings of gratitude that when we don't receive it that it alters our mood for the moment or longer. We start to question society, state of etiquette today, we personalize the incident and wonder why this person would chose not to say those two little words. But what about the people in our everyday lives?

If we expect such consideration for such small things from someone we never will see again, what does that mean we are offering to the people who we hold dear in our everyday lives. Think about the last time, you thanked your husband, for doing the everyday things that you expect from him...filling up the gas on the car, picking up dinner or picking up after himself. Or the last time, the husband thanked the wife for the roles she plays in their lives, cooking dinner, making their home comfortable, etc. Showing appreciation to your friends, is also important, the things we take for granted, thanking the friend who is always available, who gives that comfort when we need it, or the one who is quick to tell us about the sale that is going on at the mall. The act of genuinely thanking someone even for the smallest, seemingly unnoticed deed, spreads and validates the person--fulfilling them more than they realized they needed. Yesterday, when taking my niece back home to Richmond, she said unprompted, "Aunt Jennifer, you don't have to get me any gifts for my birthday or Christmas for the next two years." When I asked her why, she said,"For everything you've done for me this weekend." An unprompted, show of gratitude that reaffirmed everything, I thought I already knew...that I was appreciated.

Holly: Thank you, Gracias, Danke, Merci' and Shokran for my peeps. How many more ways can one show their gratitude other than words? Yeah, maybe it the relief you feel when someone does the flippant (no middle finger allowed) hand wave when they cut you off in traffic, or even simply saying the words "I appreciate you."

In typically form, I pick up (ok steal) a lot of saying from people that I think are appropriate, and I remember meeting a woman 10 years ago who made sure to verbally express her feelings not by just a thank you, but by literally saying "I appreciate you"...I think that's pretty cool; there's little room for confusion on where you stand, right? I like to reserve those words for really special occasions, with a "preciate it" more frequently to be heard from me. As I understand the basic politeness of saying "thanks" and the need to hear it on occasion that your good deed hasn't gone unnoticed, I find that it can also get aggravating with folks that need the constant need of feeling appreciated. Have you ever had that friend that sends you a formal thank you note for everything, including remembering to call her on her birthday, just to be disappointed that you didn't return a thank you note her christmas card? No, OK, maybe I just keep an odd bunch around me...

Who needs drugs when you have friends?

2011-04-18T14:40:00.002-04:00

Holly: Coming off the weekend, I was reminded of a few things. First, I am not a weekend road trip kinda gal...will drive across the country with the best of them, but sitting in traffic on congested 95 with every family longing to kick off Spring Break...well, thats just not me. Secondly, tornado's are real, not just something on the news in the fly over states, or on The Wizard of Oz, but a real life natural occurance that tore through North Carolina on Saturday. And finally, and maybe more importantly, I was reminded how much the right people in your life can totally enrich you.

Jason and I took the trip south this weekend, with the first purpose for me to deliver a business bootcamp to a group of Duke kids. Fortunately, we were also able to parlay this into a family visit, as my sister and childhood girlfriend have relocated to the Raleigh 'burbs. Being able to to spend time around my nephews, even in a distant way, (because apparently I'm no longer the cool aunt to hang out with anymore, they'd much rather play with each other and neighborhood kids), gave me the biggest boost of energy. More energy than I've had in months. We went also got the chance to hang out with my friend and her family, 2 girls, and even though it had been nearly 2 years since I had visited, it was just like old times. As if time never passed us by. My sister and brother in law still got in their jokes on me from my sometimes blonde moments, and for a whole 36 hours I let myself forget about the daily angst that wear me down: gaining weight, losing weight, traffic, budgets, work, etc. I needed the break from my couch perhaps, and since it can't come from a glass of wine right now, what better way than to have a good high from meaningful relationships.

Jennifer: This weekend was pretty full... Friday started off with my happy hour time with good friend, M-. Tried out a new pub in Shirlington...I had a beer...she had champagne...yes, it's an Irish pub, but M-'s isn't one of those "when in Rome" folks, but love her anyway. Saturday, I unfortunately, was stuck in the same type of crappy traffic as Jason and Holly...gave myself 3 hours to get to Richmond and still did not get there on time. I was in a bit of a rush as I was meeting a friend in Richmond to see this movie, 9500 Liberty, which is about the immigration resolution fiasco (where Board of Supervisors passed resolution where police could challenge someone's immigration status without an arrest) that occurred in Prince William County a couple of years ago. We both work in the county and remembered the harsh environment and discourse that colored that county during that period. The film was pretty good...super revealing to realize that all of those neighbors aren't really neighborly and the Christians not very Christian like. Nothing like a conflict to reveal true nature of a community or a person for that matter. After movie caught, we caught a quick Mexican lunch nearby, which I had to cut bit short, to get to my main reason for going to Richmond. I was picking up my, 11 year old niece, Amaya, who was hanging out with her "old aunt" (those are her words) for part of her spring break. Here it is Monday, and though I'm a bit worn out from dragging her around DC, I'm definitely happy. Amaya is the only person who I don't mind getting hugs...and she definitely a hugger. Amaya said she doesn't hug people that often, but that she likes hugging me...it's a mutual arrangement. A hug from a love one is probably the quickest stress reliever one can get...wine is great, but the transfer of energy that happens with a well intentioned hug...is well, awesome. And I know Amaya is in the purest form of love. Tomorrow, we will be hanging out with my older brother, and my two other nieces who are both on spring break. Nothing like a room full of screaming girls to remind you to take your birth control.

Friday....

2011-04-15T08:50:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: It can be nice to wake to the birds chirping and the sun shining. I woke up from a night filled with lots of random dreams....where you can't remember any of them...hate when that happens. One minute things seem clear, you awake and it's all a fog. Overall good week, this was a therapy week for Holly and I, we had a double session on Wednesday....yes, 2hrs. Holly and I think it's because the therapist has had her full of us and is ready to get us through the remaining sessions as quickly as possible. It has been an eyeopening process to say the least. If we ever write a book, this therapy experiment will be several chapters with an accompanying DVD. Our last session will be at the end of the month, I'm sure we will have some closing thoughts on our overview of the "sessions."

This weekend, I must say I'm excited. I haven't seen my niece Amaya in months and have really missed her so will be picking her up this weekend and bringing her back up to Arlington. Her spring break is next week and I've taken a couple of days off from work so we can hang. Mission for the trip, will be to keep her from saying that she's bored...as she's 11 that is her fav phrase. Even if it means I have to drop her off in the middle of SE DC at midnight.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Holly: Wednesday's therapy session (if we can even call it therapy at this point) was nothing short of a reality show gone wrong. Obviously bored by the story line, we were interrupted by her opinion on the current political climate. She somehow brought the exhausting story of Pearls to relate to Obama's decision/compromise to pass the budget without giving the District of Columbia the right to control their own funds...and yeah, she actually cursed during this segment. Suddenly we had traded places and the teacher became the student. 2 hours later, and a subject matter drawn out way too long...mission accomplished. I'm over the idea of counseling.

So here we are at Friday, which usually sparks an extra bit of energy for me, except this weekend I'm traveling down to Duke University for work. Good thing is my nephews are down there, and I can't wait to see them and remind them how much cooler I am than their other aunts and uncles (oh how funny, Jenn and I will kinda have parallel days again. Well kinda, I'll still be working)!

Enjoy the weekend, folks

Yes, I'm a liar

2011-04-13T08:57:00.001-04:00

Jennifer: Ok, I admit it. I don't tell the truth a 100% of the time. I don't mean to lie or stretch the truth, but it pops out and even as it leaves my mouth I know that it is not exactly the truth. Turns out I'm not alone, I recently read an article about the 'Top 30 things Women Lie About.' Survey in this article revealed that 97% of women tell "harmless" lies, every now and again. Lies ranging, from their true clothes size...(using your jean size you wore in high school is not technically a lie is it?...I mean you did wear that size at one time, right?) Financial situations, were some people lie not by necessarily telling you they have a higher salary than they actually do, but by living a lifestyle that is beyond their bank account....actually living a lie. Their sex lives...either their past sexual history, as a woman, maybe downplaying the amount of sexual partners they've had...."I was a virgin until marriage," yeah, right. To their current sexual history, where they may try to make it seem like it is "on and poppin' several times a week, when actually it's more *chirp.chirp*(crickets, for you city folk). Is it important to tell the truth in every aspect of one's life?

I feel that if I want to tell you that my jeans are a ten, and they are actually a 12...maybe it reflects a little body image issue, or maybe it's just a little boost I need to make myself feel good. And if that's the case, how is it hurting anyone else? As long as I'm not masterminding a Ponzi scheme, lying because I truly can't face the real me, or because I'm really hiding something, the harmless "stretches of truths," shouldn't be a huge deal.

Holly: If everyone is doing it, does it then make it OK? I don't know, I'm not the moral judge of anything, I've dipped a toe occassionally in the omission pool (yep, omission of facts is still a lie); such as: "I worked a full 8 hours today" (when the truth is, I was writting this blog for at least 30 minutes of, updated facebook a few times and checked out my latest obsession with Bethenney Frankel), or my infamous omission of how many jobs I actually had before the age of 25 (whatever, I still trying to find myself). Either way I suppose, a lie is a lie is a lie.

Yesterday on the zillionth hour of the Today Show (uh huh I really was working all day!) with Kathy and Hoda, they debated whether it was OK for Tori Spelling to lie about being pregnant. Apparently, she was found backstage rummaging through everyone's dressing room looking for clothes that fit her (umm, aren't you a Spelling kid...don't you have people that do that for you?!?), and ended up in Hoda's room because she thought she could find something "bigger and more blousy" (insert offended Hoda's face here). Alas, she wasn't able to find anything that was flattering, so found her way over to J Crew across the street and bought a dress for the segment. All the drama later, Kathy and Hoda asked her on live TV "what's the deal, are you pregnant?", in which she replied a firm "no". 2 hours later she tweeted that she was indeed pregnant with her 3rd child. So the debate circled around if it was OK for her to tell a blatant lie about something so personal...could she have done a better job replying that wasn't just a lie? Maybe even offering a return question of "why, do I look that big?"

And I'd be remiss not to note, that its not just women right...men are infamous for their lies: "Nope, I don't know her", "8, ha, you should try 12", and the list continues...

Please advise.

2011-04-11T11:55:00.003-04:00

Holly: Due to a fear of misquoting, I won't credit my mother entirely, but somewhere along the lines of life I was told a nugget of information that has stayed with me for the long haul: "Never take advice from someone who's life you wouldn't trade places with."

Being younger, I remember thinking thats a bit harsh, but as most sayings go, there's some truth in it, right? Certainly gives a hard line of credibility. Would you seek career advice from the unemployed? Or dating advice from the perpetual single woman? What about financial advice from someone who just filed bankruptcy? Somethings can only be spoken truthfully out of experience, and it's important that we find those folks in our lives that can offer that.

This is more than just the 'girl crush' we spoke of last week, but more so the "Aspirational friend" (Jenn hates when I peg terms that may not have real merit behind them). It sucks to admit that in life there is indeed a pecking order, and more so, you may not be at the top of it. So what I'm saying is, that's OK. My new perspective is if you're look around and you're the top of your game, you need to push a little harder. We need those folks in our lives that appear to have a bit more accomplishments under their belt than we do; your friendship may not involve nightly chats on the phone or hanging out even weekly, and its not to replace current committee members, yet when you do spend time together you're learning a bit more about yourself than just your new preference of draft beer (unless, of course, this is what you're aspiring to accomplish). I set this as one of my resolutions in January, and in honest reflection, can't say I've made much progress...so maybe person #1 for me is someone who's able to set goals and meet it in a reasonable deadline!

Jennifer: I do like the idea of having an "aspirational friend" (Holly is the catch phrase person)... a little ambition is not a bad thing. I feel that its good to have a full committee...different people that bring different things to the table. And it just may be that they serve that purpose to push you by their example to do more than you are currently doing. I remember when I was at a wine tasting event last year, and one of the women volunteering casually dropped, without a hint of pretension, that she had just returned from a multi-city trip in Morocco....with a group of people she did not know. I mean how cool is that...I want to travel more and to go to more exotic places than just the Caribbean. Now would I want to hang out with this woman on a regular basis, probably not, I mean she was at an evening wine tasting wearing Birkenstock. But having her to interact with, talk travel, and the like would total have me doing things that I'm normally too scared to try.

Having a person on your "personal life committee" who shows a bit more ambition in this area would definitely push me to do the thing I have the most interest. A full committee is a must...good to have the goofy friend, you can play around with, a serious friend to have those heart to hearts, and also that person who without even knowing it shows you that you can do more...because hell, if they can do it, then I know I can do it.

Friday...

2011-04-08T08:13:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: It's Friday morning, and here in DC the government shutdown looms. Thankfully, I'm not a federal government employee and definitely feel for those and hope that if the government does shut down that it won't be long. For me, it means no musem visits this weekend. Last weekend, after finding myself with a lot of time and nothing to do on Sunday, went to see the famous Cherry Blossoms. I've lived in the DC metro area for almost nine years and it was my first time. The weather was great and the crowds plentiful...maybe too plentiful. I went and sat on the TJ Memorial steps and looked out over the tidal basin. Not such a bad way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

This weekend, I have training this afternoon on substance abuse and adolescents..should be interesting..most importantly includes a free lunch. This evening another therapy session with Holly...it's been 2 weeks since we've been in same room...both been busy with other things/people/places/life stuff...together this evening. Friday evening therapy has taken the place of our happy hours...lol. Maybe will talk to therapist about adding a half priced app and rail drink menu.

Holly: Thank God, Heaven and Earth (and Allah, Buddah and Tao too!) that it's Friday!! What a week, seems like a blur of lots of work work and more work, coupled with exhaustion (ok, maybe laziness, but lets blame it on B-dub) and also trying to make sure my personal affairs stay in order (such as remembering to actually the mortage). Nevertheless, we did make it to Friday and that makes for a happy Holly.

Maybe Friday night therapy is the new happy hour...hell, the cost (if not covered by EAP's) is surely to rival any bar tab that we've racked up prior. Once again, we had homework; once again, I'm a slacker and will be cramming to get it done 10 minutes prior to the session.

Vulnerability...why not protecting yourself is a good thing.

2011-04-06T08:28:00.003-04:00

Jennifer: TED is conference where people who have influence and money are invited to hear innovative thinkers from three different areas of thought, (T-Technology, E-Entertainment, and D-Design). Speakers are given a max time of 18 minutes in order to express their thought or demonstrate some ideas. Do yourself a favor and checkout their website...one of my fav talks from TED has been on the subject of Vulnerability (just click on the link to see it).

Research has shown that a person's overall life happiness can be directly correlated to successful relationships a person has in their life. Their quotient for overall happiness increases based on their ability to have a strong relationship with other people. The TED speaker, a professor of social work, says that a person who is more vulnerable...basically, more susceptible to being attacked or injured, (that's a dictionary definition, not a reflection of me being closed off...really) are the same people who are more likely to have successful unions. This willingness to be open, with a foreknowledge that you could be hurt and damaged in some way that may be irreparable, is the characteristic necessary to be happy. It's a gamble...sometimes you win, and form a good relationship, or crap out, and are left brokenhearted. For me this has always been an issue....allowing myself to be open...to not flinch and stand unwavering in the face of possible hurt from a relationship....family, friend, or romantic. I guess my question is...is this a learned behavior or something that is innate? How can one learn to be more vulnerable...and by this description be more successful in forming strong relationships?

Holly: I'm a bit of a risk taker, maybe more so in relationships than any other function of life (you'll never hear of my bungy jump trip or free-basing in the Grand Canyon.) And although on the surface, it appears to many that I may be guarded, the truth is that everyone with me is giving the same chance...maybe my short coming is that there's just one chance, one-shot for me to gain and evalutate you as a trusting person. There's very little secrets that I hold near to my heart, and if you get me talking you'll hear my entire life story. However, in contrast, I can't say that I have a plethora of strong relationships outside of my immediate family and small number of friends. So, for me, maybe it isn't the risk of being vulnerable around others, I've certainly had my fair share of being burned by friends; yet perhaps my ability to allow others to be vulnerable with me. I'm the person that always has a random encounter with a possible friend match, but s/he goes too far in the first conversation with their own life story. Too much, too soon maybe? Or maybe it's my own way of being closed off, as I just don't think I have the mental room and compassion for too many more close relationships.

And with that being said...therapy session #4 on Friday :)

Girl Crush? Is that PC enough for our mothers?

2011-04-05T11:25:00.008-04:00

Holly: It's fascinating the amount of information that you can learn about a person when traveling side by side with them for 96 hours continuous. I thought I had pegged everything there was to know about Jenn, then she drops the socially acceptable term while in Portland "She so would be my girl crush". Completely confused, I look around the room as there was no one there but the two of us, and realized that she couldn't be talking about the housekeeping staff outside the window, I realized that she was referring to Olivia Munn who was guest co-hosting on the today show. Quickly scrolling through my pop culture filled brain, I was still coming up empty to who this woman was. To my embarrassment, I couldn't remember if she was a character from The Hills, Teen Mom 2 or maybe even Jenn's guilty pleasure of Jersey Shore; but I went with it. Does this Olivia woman have all the qualities of the typical girl crush?!?

Is she cute, as in cuter than just a squishy pug face and could be possible competition for you? Check. Yes.
Is she funny, not in a corny slapstick comedy way, but sarcastic banter that could possibly hurt your feelings if you didn't know her way? Check. Yes.
Is she confident enough to do her own thing and say whatever comes to mind, regardless of the potential to be offensive and politically incorrect? Check. Yes.
From strictly an outsiders view, does her life seem much more cooler than yours, even if her nights involve sitting on a couch watching TV with laptop open, phone in hand and Ben & Jerry nearby? Check. Yes.

So it makes sense, right? Olivia Munn is the Lo Bosworth to Jenn. (whoa, that was a lot of names there, but hopefully it makes sense). What's the most awesome about it all, is the girl crush kinda gives you the same giddy feeling that you may have once had in 7th grade. It's all about the mystery of who this person really is, seldom a situation where reality and perception equally mesh.

Jennifer: Ok, to clear record...I don't watch Jersey Shore....I've seen a part of one episode and Holly keeps bringing it up. As far as the "girl crush" thing...I admit that at that particular moment I did have a slight girl crush on Olivia Munn, fleeting as it may have been....she was wearing a cute dress and chugging beer on morning TV and was funny...came off as cool, casual, and carefree..the kind of attitude I want to think I give off..maybe a little...no..ok.

Urban Dictionary defines girl crush as "feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to shag said girl. Also "girl crush" can be described as a feeling of admiration that means you think that person could be your best friend." Gotta love the Urban Dictionary... better than Oxford, baby. A coworker/friend and I had this training about a year ago by this woman who was pulled together, attractive, educated, married and dressed her ass off, and we were totally "crushing" on her. We talked about how we loved her outfit, her accessories, and how smart and funny she was during the training. The coworker/friend...actually went out and bought the same accessories as our crush.... an earring and necklace set...very cute and tasteful I might add. I kept an email from the crush that she sent to congratulate me on accomplishment at work a bit longer than necessary. Yes, it's more than a little bit ridiculous, but having these little "crushes" is just a positive way of one woman uplifting and praising another....an appreciation.

Now, don't get me started on Holly and her longterm girl crush... on a one, Angelina Jolie.

Friday..statistics time..

2011-04-01T12:25:00.003-04:00

Jennifer: So, just a couple of days ago an important date passed by quietly, without fanfare, parades, or the President mentioning it in an address. About a year ago, Holly and I started this meager blog, with a hope and a dream...an idea that started 35,000 feet in the air on a flight back from San Diego, and look at us today...ummm, yeah. Just found the stats tab, that has been on our editing pages since we started the blog, yesterday...that's how technical adept we are. While there discovered that people from other countries, Russia, Germany, China, and so forth have been checking out our page. So howdy to our friends to the East and West..( I informed Holly of this and she said we were kinda of like the bad pop stars that do well only in Europe...the equivalent of David Hasselhoff of blogs). I think that's pretty neat...granted those people more than likely only came to our page by accident.....maybe while googling "pearl" in the midst of their jewelry shopping. It is interesting that we have this whole other world...literally..an audience that we weren't didn't know we had. It does make me happy to know that Holly and I aren't operating in a vacuum...words just filling a black hole of internet space without notice.

When I speak to friends, who I haven't spoken with in a while, one of the first things they will say like in confession and with not a little guilt..."I haven't had the chance to read your blog in a while..sorry." I'm not sure if they are expecting a pop quiz or what. We totally appreciate those people who read, but now, my eyes are a little more open to the possibilities of the blog...beyond just making friends feel guilty. I am reminded that no matter how small or insignificant the contribution that a person's word or intention can be heard and a ripple made...and how cool that is.

Holly: how poetic Jenn ;) Seriously though, happy blogaversary to PoA! Who would have thought a little more than a year ago that someone, let alone someone overseas would care enough to see the antics, fights, love and opinions of two friends. Has anonymous blog reading turned into the new voyeurism of our time? If facebook is now at the point of causing divorce in 1 of 5 filed annually, imagine the possibility of PoA doing to bringing women together to celebrate themselves and their bestie? Or better yet, what if we even started a bestie matching service? I'm thinking 2011 will bring a year of sponsored happy hours, travel trips and support groups for friendshifts.

Did you catch that phrase? Yep, we'll be addressing more of that in upcoming weeks...

Friday...

2011-03-25T10:20:00.000-04:00

Jennifer: Ok, so here we are at Friday...last Friday was the big bday...35....was driving down the coast with nothing, but gorgeous shorelines, good music and conversation. This Friday...will be working, probably good conversation, and maybe salsa dancing?!? What a difference a week makes...back to the day to day grind of work and dealing with a frustrating caseload. Lots of questions as to what should the next year bring in regard to love and life, but it's Friday and those are way to heavy to put on my dear, close to my heart Friday. So instead of stressing over what 35 will bring a week in, I will go to work, have dinner with friends, and take beginner salsa lessons. Saturday, if the weather holds out, will be hiking in the morning...Billy Goat Trail with views of the Potomac River. Afternoon, back to the therapy couch, this time with homework due. Saturday evening..movie maybe? Sunday, brunch with sorors.

Holly: Woah the week went by, and I have to be honest...I haven't done my homework yet for our session tomorrow. Likely, this will be brought up tomorrow; something Freudian related I'm sure. I really am not typically a procrastinator (excuses, huh), but I really did just let the past 2 weeks fly by.

Once we landed Monday morning, I vowed that I was not getting back on a plane until September...hmm, broken self promises. This weekend, I'll be preparing for my Sunday departure to Los Angeles for work. Yep, back across the country...this time with my compression socks for sure! Some promises are meant for adjustment, especially when I have to weigh the cost of diapers now v. unemployment. The job wins on this one.

Thanks to social networking, I've discovered this week many similar folks out there that are writing on the topic of friendship...good to see, as it gives validity to the importance of 'self-made family' in your life. I'm hoping that we're able to continue to connect with many of these folks and see how Pearls of Amicus can help others.

Jenn and Holly went to the West coast and all I got was this lousy post

2011-03-24T11:25:00.004-04:00

Jennifer: Ok, so we're back from the ultimate road trip...only allowed to take a purse, which was checked prior to boarding plane, not by TSA, but by Holly...so much for a trusting friendship. Hit the road in a blue gray, Chrysler Sebring...classy. It was also a convertible, which didn't really matter as the temperature averaged around 45 degrees and raining for the entire trip. So we hit Seattle...did it quick and dirty...checked out the city from above, by taking in the view from the tallest building in the city...not the Space Needle...it's actually an office building, where there is an observation room from the 76th floor...about 30 floors above the old Space Needle, which we saw from there. Checked out the pic below, which you can take as a stylish, arty way of catching the busy pace in the Pike Place Market or just recognize it as for what it is a horribly shaky picture taken on an Iphone.

Pike Place
Seattle, WA

Left Seattle, headed on down to Portland...and further down the coast, taking in the view that is indescribable and can only be appreciated by taking it in personally. The views on Route 101 are often described as the best in North America. I can now totally verify that claim. A couple of the pictures are below of the Oregon coast land, but they don't even capture a fraction of the true beauty of the view. Coasted into San Francisco on Saturday and did all of the touristy things there on until we left Sunday night.

Overall, the trip was great..an awesome unique way to spend my birthday. Holly was a trooper...all 6.5 months pregnant of her...there were several bathroom breaks and I know she was uncomfortable part of the time, but she never complained and always had a smile on her face. I appreciate her caring enough to do what she could to make my birthday and trip fun and memorable.

Holly: A girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do: so yes, checking to make sure that Jennifer hadn't secretly packed an extra pair of Chucks was imperative to the trip! Not sure if you're also following us on Twitter (if not, you should be), but we also made sure to keep everyone updated of the antics. Thus breaking the no-technology rule. Oops.

So we made it safely to Seattle, and as this was the ONLY place with which we had a pre-planned hotel room booked, I was super excited to lay down in the comfort of the Embassy Suites...except, for the fact that we actually weren't even scheduled to stay there: it was the Doubletree. No big deal right? Well, wrong. Our friend Mick and I had been in communication all week on a birthday surprise package that she was going to send Jenn and she'd receive when we checked in. Guess the surprise was really on me, because I gave her the wrong hotel information!

As if it were scripted, we went to pick up the rental car and the guy noticed we didn't have bags with us; so we went into the quick story of it was Rule #1, no baggage allowed. Since departing DC, this was the 2nd person who noticed and asked and the reply was the same: "wow, you all are crazy"...I'm sure they both meant that in the most endearing way possible.

We hit the road the next morning, after stopping off and touring downtown Seattle, to include the world's original Starbucks (moment of silence to pay homage). Seattle was gorgeous, but next stop: Portland or Bust. It wasn't until we were literally coasting into downtown Portland when the Priceline app on the iPhone decided to start working again and we booked our hotel for the night. A 4 star accommodation, no luggage and no destination in mind...but we made it work. Our only mission: food and dry clothing; we didn't really succeed fashionably in the latter. Remember, we had a total of $50 budget on clothing for the entire trip. However the next morning we experienced one of my happiest fat girl moments to date: a Bacon Maple doughnut! Yumm, ah-mazing: care of Voodoo Doughnuts (if you're a Food network follower, you're probably familiar).

So full of carbs and working windshield wipers, the adventures continued, goal: make it across the California state line. Oh no, thats a lie, originally goal was to make it to San Francisco...ahem, except someone (not naming names, but rhymes with Lennifer) got the mileage estimation wrong. Phones fully charged and a google map app later, we realized we were still nearly 700 miles away from San Francisco! The drive ,however, was so scenic and so absolutely gorgeous that it made up for miscalculations and dropped cell phone service through literally the dark foggy forests of Oregon and Northern California. We did however, get the chance to drive through a Sequoia tree...another life experience checked off!

A few interesting conversations later such as: who would your celebrity BFF be? We finally made it to our final destination: San Francisco. Again, with the understanding that we didn't have any clothes or hotels booked, we relied on the power of the Priceline to find a place we could call home. 4 stars and slightly over budget later: we arrived at the Hilton San Fran. Umm, ok Trip Advisor failed us. There was zero clue that we'd be literally stepping over numerous crackheads as we entered. Folks, I'm not lying...it was truly a scene that should only be reserved for movie sets. Who knew that San Fran was the hot spot for slow suicide by injection or smoke? And for the record, I admit it, my street knowledge and cred is darn close to zero...but I've been through enough major cities before to know every place has its pockets of sadness. But this was different: an entire street on both sides filled with aggressive folks, missing teeth, scratching and looking for their next hit.

Fortunately, the next morning (after scurrying to the safety of our room), we made our way out of the "hole" and found the sunnier side of San Fran. Did a lot of sightseeing and walking uphill both ways...truly the San Fran experience. It was an awesome roadtrip, one for the books...taught me a lot about myself, including my fear of heights (no thank you, rocky cliffs), fear of the dark (thanks Jenn for driving that leg), but most importantly underlined the point of this blog. There's not one other person on this earth that I could have survived 4 days in a car, sans clothes or purpose, other than Jenn. Happy Birthday, Jennifer and next time I PROMISE you: Napa or Bust.

This is a scenic over look in Oregon

Vodoo Doughnut--yup, that's real bacon

San Francisco from overlook

Oregon coastline

Road Rules

2011-03-16T00:01:00.050-04:00

Holly: That time of year again: the Girls of Pearls annual "Go Jenn, its your birthday" weekend getaway!! Each time TSA has to violate my personal space, and I risk life and limb to catch the flight on time (nope, never early) for a Pearls of Amicus trip, we come back with a great nugget and takeaway of our friendship. Last year: we started this blog, thanks to the brainchild of Jenn while we were stuffing ourselves sick with carne asada fries in San Diego. This year? Who knows, but there's definite rules of the road we're adhering too.

First the background and plan: This is a monumental birthday for the Jenn. Hell, each year we get to see come and go is monumental, right? But we're very partial to every 5 year markers. And we've got a lot of making up to do...as 30 is still one of those topics we'll be bringing to session #3 at the therapist. Jenn was determined to get out of the country, somewhere where her new passport could be stamped. Europe, Belize, Panama? All great options, but let's be honest, a 6 month pregnant Holly wouldn't be traveling with. She'd have to start another blog with her other friends to tell that story (I, by the way, wouldn't follow). So no Panama, but what's just as good? How about a malaria free trip through the Northwest of the good old U.S of A? So many great sights to see! We're going to fly into Seattle Wednesday evening, and have a flight out Sunday evening from San Francisco.

You may notice those are two different cities, and wonder what it is that we'll be doing? That's the beauty of it...

and Rule #1: no one is allowed set plans, including hotel, maps or agenda's. We'll figure it out hour by hour!

Rule #2: no one is allowed to pack a bag. Nope, not even an extra pair of undies. We're literally leaving ALL baggage behind and on a $50 TOTAL budget we'll figure our the outfits daily.

Rule #3: no technology. Sorry, unless you're apart of the immediate family tree, we won't be accessible. No texting, calling or emailing allowed until back in DC.

Rule #4: no chains or fast food. Too many great eats to explore, so anything with a trademark symbol listed after its name, we will NOT be trying. (Sadface for In-N-Out Burger, I'll miss ya)

Rule #5: no memories that aren't recorded. We have way too many miles racked up, and don't have a single picture to show for it.

Jennifer: Uh, yeah, Holly is hiliarous. Yes, the plans to Panama were put to the side. Good to know that I don't have to go through the hassle of having to start another blog, just to not have it followed. I have to admit was not as initially excited about Seattle as I was about Panama ( I mean, blue water and sand, vs overcast skies, rain and high suicide rate), but as we draw closer to the trip have to admit I'm feeling more than a little stirring of excitement. I totally need a break. Yup, and add to that Holly and I probably need a friendship trip just as much.

So yay Seattle!!! Looking forward to checking out the Oregon coast (yes, I will be pronucing it Ore-gone), and seeing the Redwoods in Northern California. Hanging out with the Hollster...should be one of those life memories..this time captured in HD Video. So here's to a peaceful trip and getting back to basics...in all meanings of that word.

Are we there yet?

2011-03-14T12:40:00.002-04:00

Holly: Sometimes I need to be reminded the difference between art and life, or life and art. In this case, I'm really replacing term art with TV, and not just the reality shows, but good ole fashioned Cosby Show episodes...where within 20-40 minutes (time take away for commercials) an issue is resolved and we're looking forward to next week's show; never to rehash the same story line from the week prior. Seems simple enough right? I'm a fairly educated woman, with a couple of degree initials that follow my name, but it still seems very easy for me fall into the "this isn't how it was supposed to work out" mode in my own life.

Saturday, Jenn and I picked back up where we left off a few weeks ago: new counselor, this time we went hard core, not just messing with someone with enough clinical hours to do therapy, but an actual Psyc.D. (just in case it is discovered that medication would be the best solution). I liked this woman a lot better than the last; she seemed to take an active listening stance, leaving plenty of time of reflection and awkward silences, careful not to interject her own stories to top ours. To be honest, I think we made her weekend. Not in an arrogant way, but in a "she actually said we're the first experience of friendship therapy ever in her long career" kinda way. (Note to self: demand royalties from her new book that I'm sure is in the works now). 60 minutes later, she was shaking our hands and showing us the door with a look of 'see you two next time, this is the easiest money yet' peering through her glasses.

In 60 minutes, 1 session later, I was hoping to feel healed...was hoping the the evangelical hands of therapy had touched us both. Yet, it seems we're still not there yet. I admit this is my first dance at therapy, and maybe I'm looking for more of a Judge Judy style approach rather than just another sounding board. I'm looking for someone to make me understand the 'why' of both Jenn and I's action...or inaction. Instead, I walked away with a feeling, or hold on, maybe she even said the words: girls, move on and get over it. you're friendship is solid.

At the core, I know she's right: Laverne and Shirley wouldn't have made it through the 8 seasons if the chemistry was off. And Gayle and Oprah wouldn't still be making false-claimed lesbian headlines if they let outside distractions and detractors impact their friendship.

Jennifer: Saturday's experience was...an experience. This whole therapy thing is definitely on a level of different and not seen everyday. But so is my friendship with Holly. When I mention to other friends, that Holly and I are in therapy, it always elicits the same blank stare and then loud and long outburst of laughter....just another way we bring happiness to your day to day...by making fun of us.

It was a big improvement over first therapist the new therapist has an actual office with a couch...a mark of a true counselor ;). I agree with Holly in the positive characteristics of the therapist, but differ with Holly on expectations. I definitely wasn't expecting a one session kind of fix..that would be a minor miracle of sorts, like finding the image of the Virgin Mary in your morning cornflakes. This current need for therapy didn't really occur under one moment so will take a little peeling of the old onion skin to get at some of our feelings or core beliefs. For homework, the therapist wants us to write on our interpretation of a particular tenet of friendship. Not expecting a lot of surprise there. At the end of the day, I happy to have a third party sounding board. I like that the back and forth is monitored and refereed by someone else....helps to have someone make the arguments and discussions productive as opposed to just repetitive...and keeps the hitting below the belt to a minimum. But to quote someone, friendships on this level, require more...and there is nothing wrong with our chemistry...so we'll be back in two weeks.

Friday...just like every other day

2011-03-11T14:00:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: It sucks...paperwork that is. Why does there have to be a paper trail for every single thing you do? Completing paperwork for work in a timely fashion has never been my strongest point. I like to think of myself as a more creative person, not to be tied down by the constraints of the man by turning in paperwork. Well, when you work in government, that is probably not the best attitude to have regarding paperwork and red tape. Outside of completing, well over due paperwork, the rest of the weekend has some interesting points.

Saturday afternoon, Holly and I will be starting the therapy train again. I hoping this new therapist will be able to take us to the goal line....she has seven sessions to help create the pathway to resolution. After therapy, have tickets to the Adventure and Travel show at DC Convention Center. Maybe can find some kind of budget, volunteer indentured servitude in exchange to a free trip to Belize. Saturday evening, heading to Alexandria Symphony with a friend from work....to get my culture on by seeing Verdi’s “Requiem." Sunday, looks like a forecast of more soul depleting paperwork and reports for work.

Wish everyone a good weekend!!

2011-03-04T11:55:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: No work today...only plan is for an eye appointment little later today. It's part of my get right for the rest of your life kick....seeing every Dr as covered by insurance. Yesterday, was super long and very stressful day for me...I can usual rate the stressfulness of my day by the number of gospels songs I listen to on my iPhone. Yesterday, was an all time high for me...so much so that I actually downloaded an additional song while driving..."Jesus Will Work It Out"..sorry Oprah.

Outside of eye appointment, the majority of day will be a blur of tv commercials, Chinese food, and light napping. I'm gonna say I deserve it. Not sure what evening will bring...Holly, have you planned my evening?

Holly: B-dub and I want a hot dog's for dinner...I've texted Jenn, and even though she was all gung-ho in asking what the plan was via blog, she's decided not to confirm what the plans will look like tonight. Not just any hot dog, but something artery clogging that can probably best be found at a baseball game...hmph, alas, its not baseball season. But she's pretty great on Yelp, so I'm looking forward to her findings.

Minor setback...

2011-03-02T08:07:00.001-05:00

Jennifer: Ok, after a little more consideration, we decided to fire the first therapist. I mean, well...she had a musty basement, and she tried to start on a path where she suggested that Holly and I should temporarily part ways as I'm single and Holly is married. She actually gave an example of her personal life where she parted way with her friends until now when they are either divorced or widowed and are able to be friends again. What?!? This bit of advice was a bit counterproductive to what our original purpose was in going to a therapist. So the hunt, has started again in finding the person, who is able to give us objective, non-judgemental advice on how to better navigate the rapids of our friendship..lol.

So I discussed the matter, with a friend who has her Master's in counseling and who has been in therapy and she suggested getting a male therapist...hmm. She said in her experience male therapist are more direct and in her experience are better able to get to the heart of the matter manner which in this particular case, may be what we need. So are we saying that men are better than women, in regard to be more direct and are able to address issues head on...I think so. This caused a bit of pause with me and with Holly...who really don't want to give much credit to men. But should we consider a male therapist?

Holly: So really, what makes the situation even more complicated is the fact that the first counselor didn't care at all that we'd no longer be using her services. Hmm, is this because she thought we were insane and wasting her time to begin with? Hence all her personal stories of friend separation, divorce, death and the like? And fortunately, we weren't paying out of pocket for that hour...because, something tells me that ratio of counselor speak to patient speak was way off...with her injecting too many personal stories. Makes me wonder if she was listening at all after first 3 minute intro of "we are crazy friends that need help".

So as we approach another week of therapist-less lives, I think we'll continue the hunt, this time taking a much more proactive role in interviewing and selecting counselors that could maybe find resolve for us and/or be blunt enough to say 'this is silly, please stop wasting my time'. The search resumed yesterday, and the great thing about this internet, is that we found the background on some folks that make them less than diserable...such as the therapist who's complaining on facebook that her current pregnancy has made her have to take a sabatical from her Tuesday night drinking club (not that I can't relate, but probably not the maturity and activity I'm looking for in an impartial person), and then there was the therapist that's currently looking for a job in the Virgin Islands and just completed her program a few years ago...again, not that we can't relate, but maybe a bit young and too close in age for comfort.

Let this be an official job posting and announcement: we're looking for a middle aged woman and/or competently sensitive man to take on the oddest assignment of their counseling life: figuring out Holly and Jenn.

So it begins...

2011-02-23T07:00:00.004-05:00

Jennifer: So over the last two weeks, Holly and I have been hinting about some new thing we would be getting into...well, that "thing" started on Monday night. As we are modern women, in a modern world, we have decided to take a more modern approach to our friendship. We have been trying to learn more about the way we relate to each other and seeking to improve our communication. So...we started seeing a relationship therapist...ok...I know..I'll wait until you catch your breath and stop laughing. It is a wild idea, but our friendship is an important relationship for us and we are trying to be better at it. There is room for improvement...and somethings we seem to discuss(loudly) over and over again and need a fresh eye provided by the third-person objective therapist. This is courtesy of the old Employee Assistance Program...eight sessions to get it right.

Last night was the first session, met in the therapist office,which was in her home...in her basement, which smelled a little like moth balls. Was a little surprised how quickly, we jumped into the heart of matters...the therapist made some interesting points and definitely had us discussing things in depth which we hadn't talked about in a long while. Not sure yet, if she is going to be the therapist that stays with us for the whole eight sessions, but we did agree to see her for at least one more session. Can definitely see the merit of therapy...need someone to point out the obvious things you don't really want to acknowledge...until next month and next session.

Holly: Thank goodness Jenn has better benefits than I do, or else we'd still be boring friends and bartenders with our stories during happy hours. The story goes something like this, usually: we're best friends, but she has annoyed me by doing [insert same story line here], and I've annoyed her by expecting her to [insert verb series here]. All the free advice and pacifying in the world hasn't got to a point of resolve...so what else is a girl to do? Naturally, we took our drama to the next level and found a counselor that specializes in couple therapy.

Except this time, we're not a couple. Yes, major loop we threw the counselor on Monday.

We just skimmed the surface of things that we both should giving more time too, so stay tuned for the next 7 sessions...this is stuff that novels, er-our lives are made of...

Boy problems

2011-02-21T12:03:00.002-05:00

Holly: There's a new man in our lives, but unlike too many friendships that are broken over men problems, this one, we're welcoming with open arms. There will be little room for fights for attention, who he likes more, or secrets withheld from the other, it's clear who the winner at the end of the day is, as it's all about him....the girls of pearls are welcoming a boy!

OK, that may not read correctly. Let's try that again.

Jason and I, along with the unwavering love and diaper changing commitment from Aunt Jenn are preparing for the arrival of baby boy Williams in 4 more months!! I'm so very excited, nervous, anxious and all other emotions you can package into one large round body. I mean, this is serious stuff folks, in a matter of a day my thoughts and daydreaming of having dance recitals to attend, new shades of pink to purchase to the stress and pressure of raising a man! Woah, this is separate blog topic all together. Now, as I prepare for the arrival of B-Dub, as we've affectionately named him (short for baby Williams), I'm doing a lot of soul searching about what exactly it is that I know about being a boy (uhh, nothing). But what I have found in this discovery is what I'm hoping a little boy turns out to be...a wonderful man like my hubby (minus the ESPN channel and Sportscenter!). It truly takes a village folks, so yeah Jenn, you're not off the hook. You said you wanted a nephew, so here ya go: we'll fully expect him potty trained by you by 8 months old.

Jennifer: I actually got a little nervous reading the beginning of Holly's post...started thinking of what kind of financial obligations I would be court ordered to make and would I need to give up my weekends for visitation. Getting to the second paragraph, I let out an audible sigh, just like they do on the Maury show when they realize, "You are not the father!"

Outside of the jokes, I am super excited for Jason and Holly! I know they are going to be great parents and will be awesome at helping to shape this new little person into an outstanding human being....and a strong man. I think Holly underestimates her skills and her readiness for new Baby Williams. The most important role she will ever play in her life and in this kid's life will be as the foundational representation of all of women and effect all of his future relationships. Wow, that is a little unnerving, but luckily for the B-Dub, he is in the most capable and skillful hands he could be. And no better model for what to look for in a woman. I'm very happy to welcome a little boy into the circle. I have four nieces, and love them all...but there is only so many pink dresses, squealing, and "OMG, Aunt Jen," I can take. I'm looking forward to a little reserve, some dirt on the shirt, and rough housing. I am happy to take the same role as I took with my nieces, will happily play with baby until crying, or needs to be changed then they are handed back to parent. This is how my village rolls ;).

Friday...soooo tired.

2011-02-18T09:46:00.001-05:00

Jennifer: On the subject of TMI and channeling Dr. Oz, went to my Dr. on Monday for a physical and got blood tests done. Overall healthy, but Dr. reports that I'm Vitamin D deficient and also have low iron. Both are fairly common...did a little research and 40% of population is Vitamin D deficient. If your lactose intolerant, then milk is not going to be the great source for Vitamin D that it is for other people. Sunlight (specifically, UV) is how the body converts the Vitamin D for your body to use. Being Vitamin D deficient puts you at risk for Rickets and other kind of bone softening issues. So it's important to use other foods, like fatty fish and keep getting sunlight (you don't need to fry just some exposure) to help you keep those Vitamin D levels normal.

Low iron can be common for women who are in their "child bearing" years as we require more iron during these times....don't you love the descriptor "child bearing." For me it explains, all of the constant yawning and fatigue. Really thought, it was because I was bored with the company I keep...jk. It all boils down to doing better with eating a more well rounded diet and maybe using supplements. I wonder how many of you guys take vitamins on a daily basis. And have any of you, made a conscious effort to change your diet or exercise plans the older you get?

Long weekend, no plans, except maybe a little work and that truly sucks. Holly is on a red-eye tonight back to East coast...and that sucks for her too. Next week, less things that suck. Happy President's Day...celebrate by buying furniture or a mattress!

Just plain on Wednesday...

2011-02-16T14:55:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: It's Wednesday on this week where Holly promised all types of drama and great stories. Well, maybe she means next week. She is in CA, where I know she has Internet, but pretty sure she will be too busy with training and company bonding to post. Next week we may have some fun exciting news and then some slightly, "I knew there was something wrong with Jennifer and Holly," kind of news.

Love me, love me not.

2011-02-14T00:36:00.004-05:00

Holly: Well, today's the day. The over commercialized day filled with chocolates, roses and prefixed dinner menu options: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, EVERYONE!! It's not so much that I'm bitter, because let's be honest, I have so much love in my life from my husband, family and friends, it's just for some reason I've never been a fan of the 14th of Feb...maybe it's the color red that throws me off? Or maybe its the pressure to express an emotion on one particular day, that you have had all year to either get right or get together.

We went to dinner last night with college friends, which was nice for several reasons, including the girls of pearls spending time together once again, and the honest conversations that naturally occurred about the love in each of our lives. From parents to siblings to children and friends, each relationship was concrete and solid with love, but shared the common theme of "the folks that can truly get on your nerves!" So, I'd like to take the time to really acknowledge that's what the new meaning of Feb 14th means to me, the day to recognize the folks that have gotten under your skin the deepest for the past year. Happy Valentine's Day to Jason, Jenn my mom and sister!

Jennifer: Yes, absolutely Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! Started today with a Dr's apt, to make sure everything, including the heart is healthy. And physically my heart is good...emotionally it's a little more difficult to categorize, but isn't that everyone's heart?!? Not to say that I'm unhappy or broken hearted, no, but more emotionally heavy than normal? ...probably yes. In the course of a lifetime, the human heart though just a muscle goes through a lot of stressors. Research has shown that the same area of the brain that registers physical pain also registers emotional pain.... the brain sends those signals of stress to your heart and gut...create that lovely feeling of tightness or aching you may feel. Technically it's, because of stress being induced by an emotional event, but really it feels that a person/event has went in and attempted to rip your still beating heart out of your chest. Is that a bit dramatic? Of course it is, but everyone's had that feeling before, courtesy of someone who you share an emotional connection.

The conversation last night with the college friends was super enlightening. Sad to say it's true that "misery enojoys company," but it's also reassuring to know that the pain and heartache that occurs in your personal life, is not just a condition of you or your individual relationships, but more just an overall condition of all people who open themselves to others.

Friday...mini-vacation time

2011-02-11T07:04:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: So happy it's Friday again...this cold weather is really quite horrible. Your girls are in different places this weekend. Holly is extending her work week in Miami where the weather is far from horrible. I will be taking a no-skiing-ski weekend. Heading up to Wisp Resort in Maryland for a little get away. Don't think I will be hitting the slopes, maybe some snow tubing. Should be interesting weekend, as there are a lot of different personalities, four women and one man and everyone is single (all friendlies from work). I'm really just interested in getting out of the AC and checking out some new scenery. Last time, I hit the slopes, I literally hit the slopes. I know I had an undiagnosed (severe-judged by me and WebMD) concussion...probably some kind of permanent brain damage from the experience. I'm sure Holly would agree that there is brain damage...time line of when it occurred not so easily established. First time snowboarders, should always wear a helmet...not sure why they wouldn't tell you that at the start of a beginners class. So this time around, think I may just skip that fun, and settle for fireplace, and warm buttered rum.

Holly: Viva la Miami! Honestly, out of all warmer places, Miami ranks pretty low on my list of desirable places. However, I heard there was cold weather, partial snow and school closures back home; coupled with Jenn's getaway to even colder weather, has quickly made the city of of gorgeous Cubanos, skinnies and cigars move upon the the list. Though not together this weekend, sure we'll be doing a lot of the same, except I'll trade the fireplace for the beach, and the warm buttered rum for warm buttered stone crabs.

If you haven't made POA a bookmark yet in your browser, next week would be a great time to do it. Lot's of changes coming down the pike and life changing news to report. The girls of pearls are a changin'...and probably will have more stories to report on than E! news (ok, maybe not as exciting)

How big is your amygdala?

2011-02-09T07:00:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: What?!? I mean really...you guys have to be thinking, haven't Jennifer and Holly run out of topics about friendship to write about?!? Nope...got another one for you. Apparently a research study...I know it's science, but don't tune out yet... found that those people with bigger amygdala ( a portion of the temporal lobe of brain that helps control memory and emotion) have a larger and more complex social networks. Those with larger amygdala's were better at socializing and forming connections with other people. Yet, just because they were able to form those relationships it did not indicate quality of relationships or even if the person with the larger amygdala even enjoyed forming these connections. I kind of feel that my amygdala must be a pretty good size. It's just the way this person's brain works. It's just another indication how the body and nature, really help form the person you are today. While I'm thinking, I'm a charming, funny person and that's why I am able to form these connections it turns out that I have a slightly large amygdala for my body size and because of it I act in a certain way which initiates these connections. So in this way I'm merely an instrument following the blueprint that was laid for me...makes you think, huh?

Holly: made me think, and actually google the word itself...still not sure if my pronunciation is correct. So, yeah, interesting study on being hard wired for certain paths in life...in a way I'll buy it. Goes back to the basic Myers Brigg testing...you're either one way or the other. But that's also the great thing about the human mind v. that of a pure mammal, is that even being set one way by science, there's another part of the brain that can override that behavior. I wonder what other part of the brain is either sacrificed or supplemented for a larger amygdala; for me, I'm guessing it pushed out the part of the brain that controls hunger, or maybe complex math, or maybe just my ability to grow taller than 5 feet.

Who you calling a B?

2011-02-07T20:01:00.007-05:00

Holly: Are women relationships really more complex than our male counterparts? The bra-burning, bell hooks following part of me wants to believe not, but the pseudo reality of shows like the Real Housewives of (insert city here) and my own relationships makes me think there's some truth to it. Underneath it all, there's a bit of bitch in all of us. Yes, I said it.

Last night, got together with the standard crew, our small triangle of 3 women, and shared dinner and conversation. We've all been friends for at least the past 8 years, shared in many experiences together, seen many men come and go, and at the end of the day (providing a man isn't in the picture), are there for each other at the drop of a hat. Ha, did you catch that? I was bitchy already without even getting to my point of the story. Jenn and I have always exchanged jabs at each other, a day without snide remarks just isn't normal, especially if it involves digging into the validity of outside friendships, but this was new for me. It came from a new angle; in the course of going over a hypothetical invite list for our next event, friend M, that we'll call her, came out of no where with a "aren't you going to invite X?" Seems simple enough, but underneath it all, I knew where she was going with this. Friend X was a former mutual friend, and the relationship faded over the years with both of us, except I guess I have had more contact the past few years, thanks to the oh so personal effects of text messaging and the blessed facebook status updates. Either way, after it was said, it made me think...even the most simplistic of true friendships is sprinkled with a sense of ownership and dashed with touch of possessiveness. The moment anything seems to interrupt that flow, the bitch in us all likes to come out to bite. And honestly, nothing annoys me more than when we just can't admit it to ourselves or each other.

Jennifer: Uh, yeah...duh, women's relationship are way more complicated than men. I mean guys are pretty basic in some ways...definitely think friendship is one of those things, case of beer, football game and you got a best friend for life. While women, you need one of those old school encyclopedia sets (you know multi-volumes talking Britannica) to understand the complexities involved with women's relationship. And agree that a bit of bitchiness does comes into play...I know we've referenced it before, but there isn't that much difference between the platonic relationships of women and the romantic relationships...except you know.

Holly and I always joke on each other...it's natural and familiar like that of a sibling relationship, and generally speaking mostly good natured. But occasionally, one of us let's one loose that cuts a bit too close to the bone, hitting straight to a previously undiscussed issue or an old scar...isn't the old adage, you hurt the one you love the most? I guess, but I can relate a little to the feeling of ownership. It's amazing how sometimes it rears its head. Things you don't think would bother you, can on occasion bowl you over. It happens to the best of us. I remember just last year when we went to San Diego, we took a day trip up to visit Holly's old roommate and friend in LA. Backstory: Holly lived in CA for a couple of years after college. We were still close during that time, but phone calls often revealed that Holly was living a completely different lifestyle than the one I was living in VA. There was definitely a feeling of being left behind. It was hard for me at time to talk to Holly especially when she would mention all of the fabulous things she and her roommate would do. Anyway her roommate screwed her over and Holly decided to move back to VA. Well, back to last year, Holly wanted to meet up with her old roommate for brunch so we headed to Long Beach. It turned out to be four of us, Holly and I and her old roommate, and her roommate's friend. The brunch was nice and included unlimited mimosa....let the fun begin. It started out with her old pal making a crack about Holly and I wearing similar sunglasses. And then came the "good ol' days" stories about all of the fun things that they did when Holly lived in CA. The old roommate would start every story with "Jenn, I bet Holly never told you about the time we...." I was initially annoyed by her attempts to make me feel like an outside, but came to realize that her feelings came from her love of Holly, her missing the friendship they had, and seeing that Holly was cool in VA with ol' Jenn. It can be hard to see a close friend, have a relationship with someone else. It's especially natural in that regard to have a pang of ownership or possessiveness when you know that the other person has moved on to someone else. I can understand the bitchiness...sometimes.

Friday...Ommmm(think Buddhist chants)

2011-02-04T07:07:00.006-05:00

Jennifer: Bob Dylan wrote the "the winds of change are blowing wild and free," and thats kinda of how I feel. The upheaval in Egypt and some of the things happening in my own life, remind me that no matter how stable the ground may feel, it can always be moved from under you. As I watch the news, and see all of the people in Cairo pushing and shoving, screaming over each other, trying to be heard, it makes me think of how often in my own life, I feel that I'm pushing and shoving, trying to be heard or understand. Granted, I'm not picking up rocks and throwing them at people, and sometimes I wonder how often I'm actually heard....maybe I should look into a little rock throwing:). The status quo is the status quo and sometimes, lives and relationships requires an upheaval to start anew if that is the route it should go. I was happy to see the responses to therapy post and agree with Bran and Margaret, that therapy can definitely be a productive, but emotionally difficult way to go. Peace of mind and soul for any indivdual is uptmost importance and everyone has their own way of achieving it. Therapy is one of many ways to reach your personal enlightenment. Not to push the therapy angle (as I'm not yet a LPC), but just know that those times when your heart is heavy and your mind is muddled that talking through it with someone can make things clearer. Change can be hard and the process a difficult one, but if you are able to make it through and internalize the change than your life can be lived more improved. The hope is that once the change is made that it is really what you want or are hoping to find.

This weekend should be fairly quiet. I don't think I will be leaving the house. Plan to be peacefully holed up with a couple of novels to keep me company...no Super Bowl watching for me. Going super Zen, maybe light some green tea candles, while drinking some green tea and listen to some chanting ;). Happy weekend everyone!

Holly: Yay for Friday! It's bound to be a good weekend, I'm claiming it now. It's also important to note that a good weekend to me is being able to sit around until Monday morning in a variety of random sweats and trying new ponytail positions with my hair. Bring on the wintry mix Mother Nature, because I for one, have no intention of seeing any of it.

One a a few points of a growing list of differences, I have not paid too much attention to the happenings in Cairo this week, I also for the first time in almost 2 decades didn't watch the State of the Union address. I'm honestly reveling in my political and worldly ignorance right now; helps keep my spirits up not to get into the debates and discussions of forced democracy and/or the debate of health care. There's enough fact spinning, manipulation and covert operations happening closer to home, so I don't need CNN to alert me.

Does therapy work?

2011-02-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: Here's the thing...I feel I'm well adjusted. I think I function normally without difficulty, but could things be easier? Are there parts of my life that could be handled better and more effectively if I had an outside person's opinion? Probably... I work in a field where on a weekly basis I'm interacting with counselors, psychologists and the like. And I always wonder, does therapy work? I've had plenty of kids go through various intensive therapy services only to return back to their original behavior. Despite those often disappointing results, I still feel there has to be some kind of benefit for the everyday person. Maybe just for your everyday qualms, stresses or anxieties, but does seeking out therapy make you weaker?

Does asking for help ever mean that you are weaker? I personally don't think so...I think if you are insightful enough to I know that there is a problem that it is beyond your scope or ability to handle then bringing an an outside party to help makes perfect sense. Sometimes, friends, with all of their support and love are not able to be objective enough and give you the hard words you may need to hear. Or their own personal bias on a particular subject, throws their normally balanced judgement out of whack. So I say, make yourself comfortable on that couch, and start seeking whatever peace you're trying to find.

She's not that into you: Judge not

2011-01-31T15:27:00.003-05:00

Holly: So it occurred to me randomly over the weekend, while thinking of more ways of which some people haven't considered me to be the coolest girl on earth, that maybe it's because of biased judgment. Ahem, let me clarify, this isn't a post about how I don't form judgmental opinions and place them on folks, because guilty as charged; but more so, how maybe I've been on the receiving end of the judging.

When looking back at the few "used to wish they were friends, instead just Facebook associates" folks in my life, I realized that other than a basic level of human behaviors, our lifestyles appear to be totally different. I certainly am not the queen of fashion, and exciting evenings no longer consist of being at the hot spots of lounges and clubs...but it doesn't really mean that I can't relate to that on some level; but maybe that's why she decided I wasn't fun enough to even brunch with. Another thought is that I also (to date) push a double stroller or know the latest release of bears at Build-a-Bear in the local mall...is that why its easier to keep in touch with "like" and the occasional comments on my Facebook page? Hmm, either way, I'd like to think of myself as more than one dimensional and can float easily between conversations of the latest trends and listen to the angst of diaper changing. Judge me all you want, but maybe she's the one losing out for only being able to associate with folks of the same dimension.

Jennifer: I'm not on Facebook, and a lot of of what Holly wrote above is why. When you deal with people on a day to day basis or face to face situation then all of the pretense and reality of being friends is harder to fake. I, for one, feel that it's important to have friends who are in completely different areas or arenas of their lives. Just because I'm not trying to go to the club or get drunk every night, doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the conversation with someone who does do those things. Also doesn't mean that I'm trying to go to Cancun with them for spring break either. A person is more than the sum of their parts, right? And just because someone has those 2.5 kids and the husband to match, doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the other aspects of their lives or personalities that doesn't revolve around their relationship status. It is easier to relate sometimes to people who reflect your lives, but at the same time, it doesn't necessarily show who or what a person is truly. Holly, if you want to pull those people out of their comfort zones...maybe you need to make the first move and invite them into the netural terrority for lunch and point out that you know what's the best mixer for light rum and how to fold a fitted sheet.

Friday....following snow day.

2011-01-28T08:38:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: Yesterday, I was able to enjoy a snow day....spent the day eating and watching Scare Tactics marathon, love that show. You haven't lived until you hear a grown man scream like a little girl, because he thinks he's being chased by an alien in Bermuda shorts. Today, short day at work, picking an intern, goal is not to have someone who is annoying and who will be able to do all of the things I don't want to do, which is what I think intern means in Latin. Tonight, hopefully dinner, maybe catch the end of Alexandria's restaurant week, which will not be as diverse or high end as DC's restaurant week and appears to include the delectable and exclusive, Red Hot and Blue(with only 30 locations). Rest of weekend will be a complex mix of work, couch, and extremely selective exposure to outside elements. Last night, spend part of the evening on Holly's couch watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills talk live with Andy Cohen. Entertaining as usual...also the idea of therapy for friends entered the discussion. I goggled it and best friend therapy appears only to be reserved for people and their dogs. Happy weekend!

Holly: Why is there still snow still falling? I get that last years storm was a mess, but at least it all came down at once and paralyzed the city for 2 weeks and then was over. Now granted, I also gained a bit more than 17lbs during those two weeks thanks to lots of experimental baking and new dishes...and soon after that 17lbs turned into 20, which turned to 25, which well, yeah...for anyone that has seen me lately knows how that story ended. Being stuck in the house the past few days and nights, it's hard to revel in the pure excitement that Friday usually brings. However, I am looking forward to partaking in discounted food from some of Alexandria's finest restaurants (chain's excluded) and maybe even make it to the mall this weekend to do what I hate the most, yet need the most: shopping. Time to finally get clothes to fit my new frame. Hmm, business idea: the short and way too round store.

happy friday.

Do the traits that make you a good friend,make you a bad dater?

2011-01-26T11:40:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: The above title, is the exact title of a magazine article that I shamelessly ripped from Marie Claire magazine. The writer expresses how her positive attributes that make her a good friend are also the very same attributes that make her a bad dater. I really think that she has something there. She mentions her fast response to friends emails or phone calls that make her good friend...like me....also make her seem overly eager with dating...this is my brother's exact complaint about me. I personally don't believe in playing the game, but he insists that not responding right away and ignoring a text message here and there is the way to draw more interest from the guy. This is counter-intuitive to me as I'm super quick with the return response, and generally prefer the same courtesy. So this quality which makes me an attentive friend, seems to make me a clingy, possibly could-turn-stalker-dater? So I guess the next dating opportunity...whenever that may be...I will experiment and try by being a complete bitch.

Holly: *Looks up at Jenn's prior post* Umm, so is the assumption that you also don't carry that trait in friendships as well?!?

Nevertheless, maybe its more of the things that guys always refer to as hating, being put in the friend zone. We've talked about the issue a fair deal before, but there's always the cat and mouse in every relationship, friends, romantic, whatever, right? The important thing is to take turns in the roles of being Tom or Jerry...no one wants to totally be stalked to be the stalker, for that matter. And just because being the nice girl may win you the office popularity contest, it has shown time and time again that it just as one finishing last in the dating game.

She's not that into you: So that's all we are...

2011-01-24T11:06:00.004-05:00

Holly: It's a hard realization to know that you're really not #1 in everyone's book...yup, even if you know that the person you're disappointed in your status is also far off from your top list too. A few months ago, Jenn and I wrote on being seat fillers. (It was a great post, you should go back into archives and reread!) But now, I'd like to take it a step farther...the counted on gift giver seat filler. In looking back at the most recent wedding I attended, I was certainly elated for the bride and groom; having gone to college with the bride, she was stunning, happy and well....that's truthfully all I know. Why? Well because I haven't talked with her since that day. After attempts to reach out to see how things are going in her life, and sporadic text returns that never answered the question, but more just announcements of other great happening in her life (i.e. Check out my new blog, Check out my newest accomplishment, etc); I soon have realized that I was simply a guest at the wedding that brought a gift...not anyone not even worth a friendly lunch afterwards to get to know the new couple in their marriage.

Jennifer: Ok, so that person who you've been chasing or trying to become closer friends with put they remain elusive, which like any other relationship, makes you "want" them more. The girl who seems really cool and has this cool life and you think you guys would be really good friends. She obviously wants to be friends...it's really just her crazy life schedule that prevents you from being BFFs....thats what you tell yourself. I mean just a couple of weeks ago she invited you to that dinner and before that she asked you to come to that happy hour with some of her co-workers. Doesn't that mean she wants to be good friends? It could or maybe she just needed one extra person to fill the space at happy hour. Or she wanted to do dinner and you were just the person available...maybe you are the "extra" in her social life. I don't think its a horrible thing...just as long as you recognize the position and don't try to make more out of it than it really is. Hey, your life is just as busy and just as awesome too...and there is nothing wrong with being each other's mutual seat filler....as long as it's mutual.

Friday...and baby it's cold outside!

2011-01-21T10:00:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: This week has flown by, part of the reason due to MLK holiday, thank you Dr. King. I did not do any service that day, which would have been nice to report, but was actually one my way back from South Carolina. I drove down the previous Friday, with my younger brother and his daughter, Amaya to the great state to visit my mother who has been staying down there for the last eight months. She has been on extended holiday in Charleston...this is one of the benefits of being retired. Granted, my mother does have a "job" as she refers to her position manning the election polls...no, South Carolina doesn't have some crazy electoral process, indepdendent of the rest of the country, that takes place everyday as most jobs do....they still only have one or two elections a year, but my mom refers to this as her job (she does get paid in her defense like a job, but unlike any job that I have had her services are only used one day out of the year). I used my new video camera a lot and walked away with a lot of mini clips of our adventures in SC. Have you ever taped yourself and realized, how really annoying your voice sounds? If I ever get over, how I sound on tape I will post....also I never appear on camera, but saw how large the shape of my shadow was so again...after receiving therapy for voice and shadow shape will post.

This weekend, heading to Richmond for my line sister's baby shower...going to take notes for the next shower I have to throw. This line sister already has two kids both boys and now she is having a little girl in a couple of weeks...so expecting it to be an explosion of Pepto Bismal pink everywhere. Tonight, casual Friday, as it's now being referred to as opposed to happy hour Friday....food, drinking, and poker?!?

Holly: Oh Dr. King, I wonder how you'd feel about the fact that my company doesn't recognize your birthday as a federal holiday? I mean, not that its just MLK day, but we actually don't get any days off for anything other than the majors: Christmas, Labor, Independence and Memorial. Why'd I leave my state government job?!?

It's been one of the longest weeks to date, again mostly because I know most of you weren't at work on Monday. But other than that, the anticipation of snow that never arrived was also added to the week, the debacle at the car dealership midweek (I may be a girl, but I'm a not a dumb one) and then unfortunately having to let someone go at work. All this and there's no happy hour tonight?!? Umm, Jenn, this better be the best poker and ginger ale night ever! Looking forward to spending time with the LS's this weekend, we definitely do an adequate job in making sure we gather for the big things: weddings, showers, etc. And even though I've got my personal hangups about having a shower for the 3rd child...who doesn't want to oohh and ahh over a baby girl!?!

Friend voices...type

2011-01-20T09:55:00.001-05:00

Jennifer: Ok, are you the person who can't wait to tell someone about that horrible date, you know the one when his breathe was horrible and he stuck you with the check. Or maybe it's great news, like the cute outfit you bought, actually looks just as cute on at home as it did on the rack and you just had to tell someone. Or are you the friend that people always call, because you are the perfect listener? The un-paid and unlicensed therapist for all of your friends. Or maybe you are the one in the group, that most people don't really know that much about, as you rarely share, anything that is going on with you on a personal level.

In every group of friends, everyone has a role they play, which is often characterized by each individual person's communication style. I find in my group, I'm probably more of a listener than a sharer. I feel way more comfortable being the sounding board than actually sounding off. If you ask the majority of people about specifics about my feelings, family or personal life...most would probably come up empty-handed. But I actually like listening to people( probably has something to do with my career choice too), I have a couch in my office at work and most days of the week, you will find one co-worker or another sitting there talking and me in my chair, listening. Where some people have no problem sharing with everyone, I typically share only with a small handful of people....part of my formality, I guess. It doesn't seem proper to be so open with your personal business. Granted, I am not a brick wall and I do share some, but probably not as much as others. I get that if there weren't people who were so open to share than who would I listen to...takes all of the pieces of the puzzle for a group of friends to fit. Think about your group...where do you fit in?

Holly: How horrible and non-productive would it be to have two folks of the same 'voice?' I would imagine having both folks that listen, and neither shares would be a disappointment. Likewise, two folks that were vocal only would fins themselves just talking to another wall. Guess there's something to the theme of balance in every area of life.

Similar to Jenn, there's a couch in my office too...but I dare someone to sit on it and start a therapy session with me. Yep, that's my compassionate side shining through. I think I'm a pretty decent combination of being a listener to those that have someone relevant to speak about, but more so the 'trusted adviser'. Not that I've got the answers to all things, or even many things for that matter; but I've found that by time folks are ready to share the intimate details of their life with me are seeking real-time feedback (sometimes helpful, sometimes just for an honest laugh). I don't completely think of myself as an someone that shares feelings and news updates of my life, but I do probably have an open door policy to my life to anyone that cares enough to ask.

She's just not that into you...

2011-01-12T13:01:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: Nope, this post is not for our male readers...and no, we haven't gone L-Word on you guys. It's just in talking, Holly and I have found that our a lot of our friends have had conflicts with women that actually fall into this category....very similar to the help book, which then spawned a movie(He's Just Not That Into You). The book and movie was about helping women to recognize the signs that they were making a fool of themselves with guys that just weren't interested in them. Women who read every little positive word from a guy as a signal that he was interested in forming a real relationship. It seems the same applies to women who are eagerly trying to force a friendship with another women when all signs point that the other party has no interest. We both have experienced for ourselves or have had other people tell us about situations where they have tried to reconnect or become closer to a female friend only to be rebuffed. One friend tried to reconnect with a friend who" was super excited and interested in meeting up," only to have every opportunity to meet up canceled and for days and occasionally weeks go by before that "excited" friend would return a phone call.

Some of us have tried everything, to get the friendship to blossom, have chased the desired "girlfriend", only to have phone calls unreturned, friend request ignored and lunches cancelled. And yet, we keep trying to friend this person, who is obviously not interested in being our friend. So the question is, where do we cut the loss and keep it moving? I don't know if I'm the best person to answer that particular question as I have been known to give people years of opportunity. I think I might enjoy the chase;)...so will let Holly field that answer.

Holly: Welcome to our new weekly forum: She's Just Not That Into You. We've lightly touched on the premise before, and when it all comes down to it, all relationships are built on the same thing: mutual attraction, interest, admiration and accountability. When one of those factors aren't there, the ever loving game of 'catch me if you can' begins. Some women (and more often time men, but thats not this post) just aren't worth it. After its all said in done, really the chase becomes more about your own ego fulfillment (because why wouldn't she think I'm the coolest kid alive?) than connecting with her.

So here's my story (laugh all you want, I'm OK with it): 19 years ago in September, I attended my friends 13th birthday party sleepover. It was fun, there were lot's of girls there, many that I shared English class with or exchanged the random notes during Civics, but there was this instant pull between myself and one one of the other attendees...we'll call her the "other brown girl". For many years we remained the closest of friends, often keeping the connection through many sweet 16 parties and graduation parties of being the other brown folks. I was relatively close to her family, and likewise. College came and went and we still stayed in touch. Then something happened. 6 years later, I'm still trying to adequately define that something. Now, our friendship is limited to facebook status updates. She has 2 adorable kids and husband, she looks happy; she fulfills the yearly requirement by posting the "happy bday" on my wall, and occasionally "likes" a photo or status of mine. I've reached out more times than I care to admit trying to meet her, and I always get the same email reply "that would be good"...and then no date is ever set. Once I even went as far as to set the date...and no reply. There was never an arguement, never even words exchanged into why...just simply put, she's no longer than into me. And that frankly kinda sucks.

What I hate about you..

2011-01-10T08:07:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: How often do you argue or fight with those you are closest too? Hopefully, it's not often, but it happens right? Everyone gets irritated or annoyed, even by those people who you love. It turns out that the people that you are closest to are the ones who annoy or irritate you the most on average. It makes sense though right? The people who you care about the most are usually more open with their true personality. While your casual associates or friends can be on their best behavior, your family/closest friends often let it all hang out for better or for worse. For me the people who are most able to push my buttons the most are my mom, my younger brother, and last, but definitely not least Holly. One thing that annoys me about Holly is her "forever" memory...Holly remembers everything, and because I forget (often on purpose) she is there to remind me of things that I've done or things that have happened in the past. Isn't that great for me?!?...yay for an instant replay friend. Another thing is her ability to do math in her head--super fast. It just reminds me that I suck at math and as I struggle through adding up or doing percentage, she just stares at me...added pressure.

These annoyances are just side effects of close relationships...the closer those people are to your heart, the more likely you want to smack them every now and again.

Holly: They say you must love in order to hate, right? It's the polarization of emotions, sometimes experienced all in one day or phone conversation. The secret to staying to happy with everyone in your life is just to keep them out of your heart and out of your business, but that's a horrible and lonely way of existing, right? My inner circle may be super small (and by circle, its more like a dotted line of 2 individuals), but I'm pretty certain I get the maximum range of love and annoyances!

Jenn has a horrible selective memory. Not that I truly hate it, but it does make for awkward conversations when I'm going down memory lane of "remember when's" and in return I'm getting a blank stare. More so, its really when a shared situation was experienced and wasn't so great, but by time its replayed or recounted for other people she seems to add an extra dose and sprinkle of "sunshine" to it; ultimately making me seem like the Debbie downer, or better yet, a plain bitch. (which OK, isn't entirely off base, but in occasions such as this, it is!) It's part of her charm, wanting to make things better all the time. Even at the expense of my stories and entertainment.

I can't really make a large list fortunately of things I'm aggravated by; but since I'm already typing, I'll add to the list her ability to pull random northeastern or conversely, southeastern accents out in the middle of a sentence. I like to think she does it to keep me on my toes, having to remember if she grew up in 'burbs of our state capital, or actually in Bah-ston, by way of Savannah, GA darhlin'.

But if this is as rough as it gets, I'm in pretty good shape with my bestie. I have no worries of any long term side-effects on our friendship or my sanity of changes regional dialect.

Friday...and why is it so cold?

2011-01-07T12:28:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: Ok, I know logically why it's so cold...it's winter in January in Virginia. It's supposed to be cold, but I guess I'm wondering, why haven't I made a move to a warmer climate? I mean, I'm pretty sure that there are probation officers in Jamaica or Bermuda, right? This weekend looks fairly tame. I need to do some work on some grad school apps and knock out about ten loads of laundry. You can't see me, but right now I'm wearing Spiderman pajama bottoms, mismatched socks, and a bleached stained shirt, which would be okay for my couch, but I'm posting from work.

Looking forward, I will be heading down to Charleston over MLK weekend to see the madre. My younger and always more annoying brother will be joining me so will my newly eleven year old niece. It is sure to make for some fond or nightmarish family memories. I just received a camera I bought over eBay...super excited! Over the holidays, my grandmother pulled out an audio cassette tape of my before mentioned annoying younger brother and I. I was about 5, which makes him 2. It was pretty neat hearing an early Jennifer, boss around said annoying brother...good to see much has not changed in this birth order thing. So this is a heads up for you readers...we will most definitely be including more video clips...most I'm sure, as usual, will be solely for my own amusement. Stay warm!

Family history and happiness...

2011-01-05T16:00:00.015-05:00

Family history determines so much of who you are....from the freckles, green eyes, extra long toe to high blood pressure, diabetes, and various diseases. I recently read an article that said that even happiness is genetic. The article stated that everyone has a preset happiness number (on 1-10 scale) and it can be traced to family history. You can't even escape your family background in feelings or emotions...gee whiz, there are antibotics for most infections, but apparently not for family traits. This past week I spoke to my mother about our family history, specifically my grandmother and pregnancy. My mom was the tenth child of thirteen kids. If only there was a reality show back then to sponsor, my grandma, who was in her 40s by the time her last kid was born. Does this mean that I should or could wait until I'm in my 40s to have a kid? What about complications associated with older mothers? Is having a child something that I've deemed one of those life satisfaction things that without it, my life will not be complete? I honestly don't know.

This is a topic that definitely weighs heavily on my mind. But not just my mind, but from the TV shows and magazine articles that cover it, it appears to be on the minds of a lot of 30something women. Everyone knows that women are born with all of the eggs they will ever have. Once a baby girl is born, she is equipped with all of the eggs to supply her for her 50% portion in creating life. But not that many people know that by the time you turn 30 that, 90% of your eggs are gone...ok, ya'll step back from the edge. It's hard to hear at this point that I've burnt through most of my eggs and what do I have to show for it? Certainly not a tiny waist and rock hard abs.

The article also mentioned that focusing on things that you don't have or the things that are "out of your control" affect your happiness. Nothing more depressing then thinking about what you don't have or harping on the missing parts. Concentrate on finding happiness in your day to day, living your life in the now, and in the micro-events of the present are the roots of true happiness. I don't know...only time will tell, but right now focusing on my day to day happiness, makes me happy. I have my choices, right? I can totally obsess on the passage of time and what the future will hold. Or I can choose to live my life to the best of my ability, and that by living this way in 30 years or so looking back, I will be happy with the choices I have made.

Holly: Jenn was front row to see how well my family history inquiry went with my mom and sister...went something like this "we're healthy, you're healthy, we're blessed". Certainly fortunate is an understatement of the wonderful gene pool I've been blessed with...so glad to have never suffered with bad acne, serious health complications to date or even any real signs of genetic abnormalities (dimples excluded); but the other side of that is that I was also given the height of a hobbit and birthing hips since the age of 12. Once combined, I'd still place my happiness quotient somewhere around an 8.5 (with deduction given for fat storage)

Happiness, like most things are relative. And we definitely can't live our lives hoping and waiting for one thing to make us completely happy, because what happens when you get it and your still not complete? How many times have you told yourself "if I just made another 15k a year..." or, "if i wore {insert size here} I'd never complain?" Just to find out that you busted your ass in the gym and got the salary increase in the same year, only to still feel a bit incomplete. So, I guess I'll continue to keep my 8.5 average defined by the small yet quantifiable occasions; such as finding the $20 bill in your coat pocket from last season, or the evenings spent with family and friends in an uncontrollable laughter, or the random thank you or compliment you get from the least expected source.

New Year...new problems or new solutions?

2011-01-03T09:43:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year...so beginning of the year, means that time tested, quickly forgotten, oft not even attempted to follow resolution time. Ugh, totally hate it...I know that as soon as I take stock of all of the changes in my life I need to make and actually resolve to do something...that most times, in less than 30 days, I would have already broken it. Eating healthy, will become just one cupcake can't hurt. Being on time for work, will be hit the snooze button, 5 more times. So this year, Holly and I decided that we would write each other's resolutions. Sounds a little scary or at least like the beginning of a fight....goes something like, "You think I need to do what?!?"

So here we go...my resolutions for Holly:

1. Will no longer reference people like LC, Angie, or Christy as though you are actually friends with them...you will know them better as, LC (Lauren Conrad, The Hills), Angie (Angelina Jolie), and Christina (Christina Aguilera), respectively. You don't know these people;).

2. No longer complain about the prices at Target clearance rack....come'on Holly.

3. Will do better about eating 3 square meals, and two snacks through the day....with protein in all 3 meals. Your health is important to me.

4. Through out the year, no matter what, will carve out the minimum once a week face time ritual with your girl, who will also resolve to make that commitment. Even if it means, we're just sitting Indian style in your living room.

5. Resolve to stop work, once the day is ended....remember, when you look back over your life, you will not be thinking about all of your missed work phone calls, but about the missed opportunities you had to connect with your family and friends.

Holly: those that can't do, teach or coach, right? So, since I've been less than successful in keeping my own self-declared goals, here's my attempt at making 2011 the year to remember for Jenn:

1. Cancel your health insurance. This is my way of starting your savings plan, as your current solution to near broken ankles and dislodged knee-caps is to turn to Google. Fortunately, you're already paying for internet access, why continue to bother with medical doctors?

2. Just do it. Anything actually :) You're a smart girl, and I trust you with my life most days...so I think you should trust yourself to make a snap decision on a purchase without reading all consumer reports prior. That's the great thing about this country, most stores have a return policy if it doesn't work out. We don't live in India.

3. Put you first. OK, maybe this is a bit selfish, as it really relates to your free time and availability to hang out with me...but you actually don't get a tax deduction for any of the kids of PWC, so the term 'soccer mom' just isn't fitting.

4. The answer is "No". Great thing about becoming 'seasoned' in life is all the experiences you've gained, so likely you know how the story is going to end. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. If you don't want to go, don't go. Can't believe I'm saying this, but this applies for me too...it'll sting initially, but as long as I know you're keeping true to you, I'll never get angry. Promise.

5. Shemar Moore is gay. OK, maybe he is, maybe he isn't...but truthfully, he likely doesn't have a clone in the DC area. Give the common man a chance :) Not to say you don't deserve the best, but beware of the wolf in sheep clothing. The best comes in all varieties, and it just may be the bruh checking you out in Starbucks...say hello in return. If he loves you in the cardigan and chucks, imagine when you get to put that infamous green dress on!

After the holiday blues....

2010-12-27T14:48:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: It's the Monday, after Christmas...and now the holiday glow is starting to fade. I know New Years is less than a week away, but if I'm being honest, I am less than excited about it. The idea of ushering in the New Year with not too much change from last year to show is...blah. I have no desire to be out and about and if I have my way will be in bed and fast asleep as 2011 makes it's entrance. It's been several years since I've spent New Year's in the house, but feel like this year it is completely appropriate. I've spent a lot of time hanging out this year, more so than previous years, so feel good about not breaking the bank and keeping it real local...like couchside.

Right now, I'm looking forward to the next big event which is turning 35...in the final preparation mode for March. Now contemplating Europe, last week was Panama. I have always wanted to go to London and Paris and have always put it off. Now, it's like why not...putting off things, leads to more putting off, and then you find yourself in a position where you are unable to do things you always wanted to do. I spent a good part of my Christmas holiday with grandmother, who is in her mid-90s. She spends the majority of her time alone in her house..on most days all she has are her memories. I personally need to pack more memories into the old data bank. Don't really think I want to look back when I'm in my 90s to all of the happy hours or hours spent watching TV...need to make a shift to things that are important to me. I don't want anyone to be alarmed that I may not be doing anymore happy hours. No, it's just that 2011 will be a year of changes, some super exciting. And I'm hoping for no regrets, taking more risks, and keeping close friends closer through it all.

Holly: The holidays are a bit poetic in its cycle, 11 months of build up a day or two of celebration, then nada. Just holding out for the next Memorial Day cookout, all while trying to lose weight by eating better, exercise more, save more money, go to church more often and all the other new years resolutions that were made. Christmas, as most years, was a wonderful family time; spent between the in-law crazies and my 'shared DNA' family crazies...its the perfect balance that reminds me how precious the moments are, even if you do get elevated blood pressure before the end of dinner.

I'd be completely insane to complain about 2010, it was a great year and looking forward to 2011. Like Jenn, this year will be bringing it in quietly, and by quietly, I'll probably be sleeping. Too much pressure to go above and beyond, while spending too much money being around thousands of folks that you're likely not to even run into at a Starbucks in 2011. I'm hoping the old adage would be true, that how you spend the new year will predict the rest of the year.

If I had any sort of technical acumen, I'd add a ticker countdown for Jenn's birthday...this year is going to be awesomely great!! Wishing her wealthy independence (now would really be a good time to get that Oprah or Gayle in your life), I'd love to see her in Europe by way of Panama with a week stop-over in Belize. Eh, but then there's reality, so no matter which continent she decides she'll see the 3*5 come in, we're all wishing her the best times and fun memories!

Friday...yes, we are still posting..

2010-12-17T09:53:00.012-05:00

Jennifer: Ugh, what happened to the mild winter everyone said we were going to have. It's been freezing and now the snow...really. Ok, (don't hate me Holly) I'm fairly certain I want to move to San Diego now. I keep San Diego's temp on my phone and it is in the mid 60s there this week...yes, I love to torture myself. Yesterday, my work unit did our Christmas luncheon, which was a pot luck at one of my co-workers house. I made a complete pig of myself and indulged fully...but isn't that just the holiday spirit? Today, we are doing the entire office's Christmas party...yes, I'm a government employee. After the party, hanging with Holly Hol who spent a good part of her week in Miami. I know it's heart breaking these horrible places this job makes her go. We must really do something to help her.

Saturday, dinner and drinks, ok, I can do that, but the people I'm going with think that we are going to relive our 20s and re-enact an Usher video...no interest. Sunday, maybe will take a more serious look at that shopping list...guess, should get the parents something. Holly and I never got around to planting those tulips... so should come up with another project for the winter...maybe knitting, scrapbooking? Umm...that does really appeal to me either...guess, I'm somewhere in the middle of making a video and the knitting...where exactly is that?

Holly: It's Friday, which usually is the highlight of my week. however, its cold. Correction, its freezing. If we are here already in December, what is February going to look like? Not that I plan on knowing, as I believe I'll continue to find new spots in my couch to explore, sit and nuzzle with the electronic blanket. Fortunately, I'm ahead of the game in Christmas shopping this year, so no need to be in the malls at all...good luck with the Jenn. Again, I'll adjust my blanket to a new setting for the weekend.

I'm all about the winter nesting, with hopes that it doesn't resemble last year: 20+ pounds gained in the matter of weeks. YIPEE. Just what I needed, a jumpstart on a slowing metabolism and weight that never came back off this Spring or Fall. Eh, nevertheless, I won't be adding 'weight loss' to the resolution list this year...I'm all about the realistic expectations ;)

8 days til Christmas!

Expectations...

2010-12-15T16:54:00.001-05:00

Jennifer: The word expectation otherwise known as anticipated, or what is expected to happen. Certain relationships have expectations based upon the level that has been committed to each other. Kids expect parents to parent, protect and provide. Husbands and wives expect each other to be faithful, to be respectful and to work as a team. Friends....well friends, their roles, as you know if you've been following the blog, are a little harder to define what their specific expectations are. Granted there is a base level of expectation at the minimum level of the title friend, but additional responsibilities and expectations come along the higher you get in the friend realm.

Ok, I admit it...I'm super sensitive. My sensitivity has and continues to cause me to have my feelings hurt, over and over, by family and friends. I'm referring more to a deep set disappointment, felt so deeply that I lose sleep, and the occasional tear....yup, I'm a softy. I have a trend of giving fully of myself to those who are closest to me. And I know it's wrong and not in the spirit of giving, but I do have an expectation that when the day or moment comes that this person would provide the same support or openness that I have or would. I remember when my brother, who was working, lived with me for over a year rent free. I had friends and co-workers who would tell me that he was taking advantage of me and that I should put him out. But he is my brother, and I anticipate that if I need anything he would do the same for me.

I have people in my life who I can never say no to, family and friend(s). There has not been a situation where they have needed me or have asked me something that was within my power to do or give that I have not done everything in my power to make it happen. Even if I have to re-arrange my set schedule, be uncomfortable, not have the greatest time ever, than hey, I would do it....and have done it numerous times all in my role as your friend. The expectation (there's that word again) is that if we exist at this level of friendship that we both claim exists then you would gladly without guilt or begging would have the same open willingness to do the same. If something is important to me then it should be important to you and vice versus. This could very well mean doing things you don't want to do, but you do it...why? Because that person has simply asked. And if the person is not putting risk to you or to anyone else, not asking you to break the law, you suck it up and do it, because this is the person, you claim to love and hold dear. You don't just do the things that you want to do or are selective when and where you want to act like the title you've placed on a relationship...you live up to that term at all times and through all occasions, otherwise it means nothing.

Holly: Who is it that coined the equation that happiness=expectations-reality? It's a pretty good one. Disappointments cut deep, especially when result of something or someone falling short of your ideal action or response. Like Jenn, I've unfortunately have spent many of hours contemplating the "why and how's" of when the feeling of disappointment arises. Nothing is more frustrating than when you come to the realization that the same thing that you love about someone is the same thing that drives you crazy...or more specifically: disappointed. It's that human factor, I guess.

Sometimes it would be easier if there was a set manual to friendship and sisterhood expecations (apparently our 5 rules don't apply too all areas of life), or even an on-call judge that you can keep around for arbitration; but that's again, not reality. What seems to be is a matter of convenience that relationships give higher rank and importance when the 'self' benefits. However, if it means drawing a hard line on continued associations, opinions or actions: thats when convenience kicks in.

Bending over backwards, doing things you normally wouldn't do, going places you wouldn't normally go and taking a hard line on anything that affects the other: thats what friends do for each other. But what happens when 'what's best for the other person' is at odds? Oh yeah, thats called disappointment. Understanding that sometimes you have to put someone else discomfort before your own natural 'making others happy' ability, that's maybe what I call loyalty. My equation, filling in for above variables, looks something like this:

If happiness equals bff role, and expectations equal loyalty, while reality equals being different on some issues, then:my BFF= remaining loyal-differing personality.

What I will continue to expect, without the subtraction of reality, is that my familial bonds are forgiving and forever.

Jennifer: On the idea of convenience.....seems like we agree. Always easier to ask someone to do something that you've never had to do. Using loyalty as a card to pull when it suits is also a matter of convenience...loyalty to me is giving your all in situations..again..not picking and choosing when you want to be that good friend. I feel you should be loyal to the ideas of what makes a good friend. We aren't five years old on a playground...just because you hate someone without reason, does not mean I should follow suit. It's not a true friendship of equals if one person is demanding and the other is supposed to follow. Blind loyalty without reason is still, as earlier quoted by some wise woman, best left to dogs.

And when the result or situation in question is benefiting a friend, why wouldn't you do it? Only answer is that it isn't a convenient situation for you. And if one us guilty of use of convenience, then most definitely both of us are guilty. I would not be a friend to anyone if I let them lead me around without my own feelings being considered. It would cheapen the title and lend itself to a more fawning, dishonest relationship.

"Loyalty is the pledge of truth to oneself and others"

Holly: You couldn't have said it better, we aren't on a playground, this is real life. I however, believe you're assuming a situation of hate of folks, that is off base and incorrect. And because this isn't a playground, but real life, I don't have to play in the sandbox with those I don't want too. Enjoy your games and playdate.

And while its also not a playground, we're not 17 competing for the Miss Congeniality title. Sometimes that means you have to 'not be nice' to folks that haven't been nice to your friends. So when someone does wrong by you, they do wrong by me. If the relationship has violated you, its violated me. A year later, its still funny to me (without much humor) that we can't agree on that...because after all, 'you've done your best'.

J: And all I have are my assumptions since you have not been able to verbalize a real reason...but thanks for the freedom to choose...appreciate your waiver.

Another point we agree on...I, too think it's funny...without much humor, a year later.

But enough is enough...

Deck the halls!

2010-12-13T11:04:00.003-05:00

Holly: "Sleigh bells ring, are you listening..." Yes, its that time of year, holiday parties, holiday gift swaps and holiday eggnog and cider (yumm, my favorite!). With all the parties approaching (with the Girls of Pearls holiday Wednesday extravaganza being no exception), what are the do's and don'ts of etiquette? I'm not implying that I've got it all covered, but here's a short list to get you started on the right foot this season

DO:
RSVP to all invites, again, you're presence is not a present.

DON'T:
Show up empty handed! House parties require at least a hostess gift, and anything requiring food requires you to be more than a taster.

DO:
Dress appropriately, depending on the function, this year may not be the time to pull out the red sequins number; conversely, you may want to save the chucks for next years bowl-a-thon.

DON'T:
Stir up drama. Whether office parties or friends, now is not the time! Besides, reviews are due soon and budgets are being cut: losing your job or bestie couldn't get any worse during the holidays. New Years is only best spent alone, when by choice.

Jennifer: Rules, rules, rules...what happened to the carefree, come as you are attitude that should be associated with the holidays and parties in general...well, what happened is that you are now over 18, your mom did not drop you off with a kiss and a reminder to be good and these parties are often with people who you want to respect you the next day...and not for the amount of alcohol you are able to take in one evening...here are some of my favs:

DON'T: At a work party, don't have more than two alcoholic drinks, even less if you have a low tolerance...even though it takes away my pleasure of laughing and snickering at what an ass you made of yourself for the rest of the year.

DO: Be in the spirit of the holiday, I hate those co-workers who purposefully avoid coming to parties, under the pretense that they are super busy with work. Hey, I'm busy too, but I made an effort to come out and hang with the rest of the co-workers. Don't ask the question later about why people don't talk to you or why you don't fit in the office....make the effort and hopefully it won't be as painful as you think it will be. It just makes you look like an ass when you don't at least try.

DON'T: When you are doing a gift exchange with friends or co-workers, don't be that person who recycles that soap and powder gift set you got three years ago. If the limit is $20, try to spend as close to $20 as possible, it's not a contest to see how little under $20 you can spend. At the end of the day, people remember that you were cheap and not a cheerful giver...guess what...it makes you look like an ass.

DO: Do appreciate the time and the presence of your family and friends, because life is generally fleeting and unpredictable. Be grateful for your health, freedom, and the many blessings that you have in your life...a lot of it not due to any of your actions, but to the grace and good will of God. Take the time to give the proper thanks and remember the purpose of the season. And most importantly, outside of not being an ass, is enjoy yourself, family and friends!

Mean girls...not just for the young

2010-12-09T11:42:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: I read this hilarious article on CNN, re-posted from "O" magazine, on a writer's whose grandmother is a mean girl...in her new "high school", the senior residential living complex. The writer writes that his grandmother, who has always had a sharp tongue, is the alpha resident at this facility. There is a apparently a pecking order and cliches within the senior living community. From those who can walk to those who can't, the stylish versus the plain, etc. This grandmother could totally earn a role in Mean Girls 2: That's My Poligrip. In this center one must be invited into the inner circle, and those who don't respect those rules are ostracized...think ostracizing in senior living means you don't get preferred seating for Wheels of Fortune....constantly have to ask if the letter "E" was called out from the back of the room...ugh, a living hell. The article mentions that other seniors get considered for acceptance into this exclusive group, if they are well dressed and groomed and respect the process. One senior was considered due to her style of dress which included matching socks to her cane....big pimpin'. It sounds eerily similar to the pledging process for my sorority.

Sorry for those who thought that in their golden years there would be a relaxing of the rules of social nature. Nope, the older you get does not necessary correlate with being more accepting and open to all. You don't all of sudden become the Statue of Liberty, accepting all of the "huddled masses, yearning to breath free," nope...apparently, up to your dying day, you gotta play the game. Everyone wants to be "cool" and be with the cool kids...and in every group there are people who set up those standards and always a group that is willing to follow. I think when I get older, I'm going try to get in with the Goth-seniors...also serves as a good cover for coloring the grey.
Also as a side note, Happy Birthday, Margaret! Wishing you a year filled with the same joy you bring to others!!

Holly: Happy Birthday, Margaret! Looking forward to meeting you one day!

So I guess my theory has some validity to it: we really do stop maturing at 8th grade, we just turn to older versions of whoever we were then. The same asses that got joy from stuffing folks in lockers, are probably the same asses that you end up working for now. Not so encouraging huh. It would be a nicer thought to think that our hearts soften at the same pace of our joints, and that the mean girl finds a way to be accepting of all...I mean, after all, we're talking a senior home here, not the country club.

I guess overall, I feel bad for the woman thats picked on, because if my theory has any weight or validity, she's been the punchline of all jokes for nearly 60 years, and that's got to be miserable! I'll await the follow up article to seniors who are bullied at the shuffleboard tournaments.

So what do we learn from this? Maybe its just to either make a more concerted effort to not judge a woman by her cane (or purse), but rather the compatibility potential during BINGO. Maybe its to say, get in where you fit in, and grow tougher skin, because the world is a harsh place, no longer just reserved for kids.

5 Rules of Sisterhood

2010-12-07T09:51:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: The code…a code is something that you live by…a set of boundaries and rules that help guide you in making good decisions. Men have their men code. You can google "man code"…and receive hundreds of hits. You do the same thing for women…and what do you get…nada. Why is it? Are women that pulled together that we don’t need a "code"…a code is a set of boundaries and rules that help guide you in making good decisions....eh, honestly no...women are just as clueless and screwed up as our male counterparts. Sorry ladies...the truth can set you free.

Holly: No doubt there are many more than 5 things that you have to balance to make a great friendship, and if ever given that book deal you can read Pearls of Amicus' complete guide at that time. But in the interim, here is Jenn and I's top 5 list of keeping the sisterhood strong:

Rule #1: "What's discussed here, doesn't leave here". Nothing is WORSE than having an intimate conversation with your girlfriend, even if about your angst on the new scarf you bought for the winter, then that conversation being brought back up from someone you don't even know. If you're sharing info about a scarf, what's going to happen when something really juicy comes up, like the crush you have on the postman. (Purely hypothetical, for the record, I don't even know who my postal person is!)

Rule #2: Men have "bros over hos," and women have to have that same attitude. One of my pet peeves, when a woman will drop everything to be with that dude....the same guy who doesn't give her that same respect. He makes plans with his friends and for his activities, but this woman only has time when her man is out of town or when he's busy. I understand being there for your man and being a good partner, but does that mean to the exclusion of your friends who were there before the man...and let's face it, when it ends, the same ones who will be there to help you pick up the pieces. So treat them with the respect, as they are the ones who love you Women code-"no mista, over your sista."

Rule #3: I don't care what your closest girlfriend says...it is never cool to date the man she dated...especially if she slept with him. I don't care how progressive or cool your friend is or how hard and strong his body is or white his teeth. Don't do it!!! She says it's cool, because hey, she doesn't want him anymore (which in itself should be enough to totally turn you off, because if he wasn't good enough for her, what makes her think you want him). But really, when a woman is with a man and in a relationship, there is always some residual feelings or emotion, and even though I believe in living a green existence, I don' think that means that we should re-use the same men. Women code- "Sharing should be kept to pizza, clothes--but not men."

Rule #4: "Call it as you see it". Can't have a friendship based on superficiality, dig deeper with your sisterfriends and call them on their shit. If they are a real friend, they'll do the same for you. Odds are, you probably have a small fan club of folks, you know the folks that laugh at all your jokes, partially because they weren't really listening; and when you do something stupid, like embarrass the waitress when she brought lemon in your water and you told her no lemon, they just sit quietly and watch it all go down. What you need is that sisterfriend that's going to let you know how much of an ass you were for trying to take down a $2.13/hr waitress, rather than removing that lemon and keep it moving.

Rule #5: "The united front".There's always something or someone looking to cause trouble and look for the crack in a relationship foundation, don't give it to them. Depending on the level of your sisterhood, and especially if you even dare to throw the term 'bestie' around, you MUST keep on the same page. No arguing in public and never ever discuss your anger with an outsider (brothers, husbands and other males that rarely listen excluded).Celebrate each other and know it'll be a lot easier to work through everything with less folks involved.

Back to the old days...

2010-12-03T09:16:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: Friday's here...yay!! It has been a long week, looking back over it, I have made the decision that I deserve to drink heavily. It has been a while since we've done a traditional happy hour. So this evening , meeting up with some sorors and friends for a little Mexican and a bit more rum and diet coke. This weekend no specific plans...nothing really poppin' off as the kids say. I really want to see the movie Black Swan with Natalie Portman...looks really good and reminiscent of Polanski's Repulsion...psychological thrillers...love them! Holly said she would come..not sure if she knows that right now it's only playing in DC...still coming?!? Sunday, catching up with a high school friend for brunch. Holly and I are also supposed to plant tulips this weekend....for her yard and for my table. We've also discussed a healthier eating plan...following this plan by making a grocery list and actually going grocery shopping together to ensure no errant chocolates or chips make it to the basket. Hopefully we will actually do it instead of talking about as we have for the last couple of weeks...trying not to get lulled into eating crappy and not working out because of the cold weather. Alright...should probably actually get dress for work.

Holly: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

Or a least I'm trying to make it that way. Spent the week staring blankly at my computer screen in hopes to start my teams performance reviews (eh, whats another week) and managed to begin to decorate the house for the holidays! Still no tree yet; having an internal debate between a real and artificial tree...both have its advantages, but for those that know me, know that I have a hard time paying full price for something that will be 70% off on December 26th. Therefore, our tree just may be in time for new years. Speaking of which...what is going on this new years? Anyone with plans more exciting than mine (which include nothing at the moment), let me know. Aiming for a low key year this year; think I'm still recovering financially from last year, in which a 'stay-cation' at the Nat'l Harbor equated to a trip with a passport requirement.

Looking forward to the weekend, and seeing shared friends tonight that we haven't broke bread with in a while:)

Jenn again: I searched Holly's posts, but did not actually see a response to my question about going to see the movie. Hmmm!?!

Poll results: Economy affecting friendship??

2010-12-02T14:07:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: Oh, oh, Obama has new statistic to worry about. Last week's poll asked the question, would you rather have a $150 dollars or a new friend? And the results show that most people would prefer to have the money than a new friend...alright, MOB, huh?!? If you don't know what that stands for go ahead and google it. $150 will not get you very far in this world...a new friend, well that's just plain different, it's a new adventure...maybe a bit pollyannaish, but I think its true. We've all had those times when our regular hang out people are not available, maybe they're in Jamaca;) or no one wants to go with you to that Linkin Park concert....this is where it could be helpful to have that other new friend.

A new perspective, a new voice, someone who looks at the world a little differently than you or your current group. It's a change up. There have been many times, when Holly and I have had conversations about why don't we know more people...why isn't our circle of friends larger we ask ourselves? Is it because we are closed off, selective and often not very friendly? Possibly true...sounds a little like us....are we not cool enough for the cool kids? Highly probable...maybe it's time to change our closed off attitude and invite some new people into the outer circle (not the inner, just the outer). Maybe our new goal should be that we each find a new friend to go along with the New Year. Not to say at all that I'm not happy or fulfilled with my current friendships. I know that I just have the attitude that maybe more is merrier.

Holly: I'll take the money...and hopefully while spending it, I'll run into someone cool with a social agenda a bit bigger and better than mine (not that hard to do). It's an interesting poll q, and I don't think that its any indication, no matter which way you answer, of social skills or a judgment of current friendships. I think honestly put, money comes and goes a lot quicker than a bad association of friendship. OK, I reread that, maybe I sound a bit more harsh than intended. Nevertheless, my answer still stands.

And not too totally be a walking contradiction, but sometimes it would be nice to have a larger group for things like dinner parties, travel groups, or let's just call it was it is: a special interest group. Like someone that you probably only speak too maybe 2x's a year, with one of those being via email; you're facebook friends, which allows you to, at least in a distant way, keep up with any major events, but when that time of year comes when the special interest in shared, voila! you have a group to hangout with! And for the record, I'm far from unfriendly, Jenn!

Good Luck, Jenn!!

2010-12-01T09:12:00.002-05:00

So excited that Jenn's taking the GRE today...after a long semester of studying and weekend nights dedicated to really boring vocabulary words (in which, she'd try to use in our daily conversation=failure); the day is finally here.

GOOD LUCK JENNIFER!!

Update: Jennifer: Ok, finished exam...yay, for no more studying! I succeeded in completing GRE without hurting myself or other so lets call it a victory for everyone. I took the GREs like six years ago and my score is virtually the same. What does that mean? Holly says it means that I haven't lost any information...I take it as I haven't gained any....yay for the status quo and being average!!

Ok, I also want to vent...the people who live above me, in the diversity that I love in Arlington, have bought a new tribal CD or have actually moved a drum circle into their living room. Either way not loving it:(

Weekend....

2010-11-22T08:47:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: Ok, back to Monday...this weekend flew by...Friday...we didn't make it to Veggie Soul restaurant...not sure if you can hear it, but it's a sigh of relief. Ended up staying local after moving a couple of things from Holly's house, driving back into the city after a long day seemed like a horrible idea. Pretty good dinner did Italian in Arlington...I had eggplant parmesan an old favorite. Funny things people mentioned, I ordered a Mountain Dew with dinner (classy), Holly mentioned that she hadn't seen me drink a Mt Dew since my Tech days...she remembers some weird things sometimes. Even weirder the next day...after a miscommunication, she leaves me dressed and waiting for her at my place...after several phone calls to her, she calls me already 30 miles away...so after getting over my irritation with that (I had purposefully rushed at 730am on a Sat. to get ready...ok, I'm offficially over it and will not mention again) moved on with the rest of day.

Met with some friends from work to volunteer and avoid paying the ticket fee to a national wine tasting at the Newseum. Cheeses and wines from across the country. I should be more embarrassed, and I am, but I'm going to include the video and picture, I did at the museum after I had worked my way through several wine producing states. Needless to say, I had fun. Spent a good part of night, texting and calling Holly, as usual....she got a very early "Happy Anniversary!"on Sunday. Sunday, was more of a recovery day than anything, things don't bounce back as they use to and didn't end up leaving house again until after 4pm. This week should be pretty awesome with it being a short week. Planning on seeing Holly tonight as she and Jason are heading to Jamaica-mon to celebrate the anniversary...love to them both and many, many more happy, healthy years and a safe trip with pure relaxation. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Holly: Jenn n' friends Saturday looked like quite the adventure, and am was so glad to receive the random texts that usually come from a result of inebriation. It's never as great for the sober person; but admittedly glad she was in contact to make sure she was safe: and the irritation had calmed. Totally a case of miscommunication, I'm not sure at all how it happened, but just remember talking with Jenn in the morning, for what I thought was her being concerned that I was running late to get to Richmond. Still half asleep until at least 1pm that day, I promise I don't remember that I was supposed to pick her up. Nevertheless, Saturday over and behind us and agitation has ceased or at least decreased on both sides:)

Looking forward to getting away for an extended weekend for a lots of sun and beach and sleep...thats all a girl really needs right now in life! Hopeful that similar to this time last year, I'm able to find a wifi spot to email Jenn and hear the great tales of the holidays State side.

For my fellow meatless folks: Happy Tofurkey day!

No wine...just whine

2010-11-19T13:21:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: The week before a holiday week always drags by so slowly. I thought Friday would never get here... and then I thought Friday would never end. And I only had to work 5 hours today. Today, I'm scheduled to work as a laborer with Holly to help her clean out the rest of her house as she is supposed to be out by this wknd. I instructed her to have everything except the stuff that needed to be trashed out of the house(~~would be super surprised if that happened)~~. Also promised her we would try out this vegan soul food restaurant, which even in writing it out sounds fundamentally wrong. Soul food restaurant without the pork seasoning, smoked turkey, butter, heavy creams....should be interesting and by interesting I mean dry and lacking flavor. They have a mac & cheese and a barbecue tofu that has gotten rave reviews....will try to remind myself to take pictures to post. Saturday, volunteering with some co-workers at a national wine tasting event at the Newseum...with food and jazz. After we serve our time we are able to join in the festivities...all the while avoiding the high ticket price...sweet. Sunday...might try that church thing again as I did not make it last week. I have been receiving pressure from another co-worker to attend her church....she sends me emails, texts, flyers and voice mails asking me to come by her church. When someone is that aggressive with trying to get you to attend their church it should make you nervous. I made a promise that I would attend before the end of the year and I'm quickly running out of time. I just hope it's not one of those holy sanctified churches where people dance in the aisle and do a lot of shouting as they are seized by the Holy Spirit. I'm more of a internal dancer and shouter...where I don't leave my seat and only my lips move with the music. We'll see on Monday...

Holly: Today feels like a Karaoke kinda Friday...wonder if Jenn would be interested in that. Nothing really formal, just maybe cleaning out the refridge to Wilson Phillips greatest hits (all 3 songs on repeat) and maybe a little 702 for Jenn's nostalgic sense. This weekend is going to fly by, I can already predict it; headed down to the in-laws in the morning to do a presentation at the church on college admissions (you too can hire me for your kids!), which should be interesting as Jason's on his boys trip to Miami and this will be the first alone time with this side of the family. So basically there's not going to be the translator there for me as my sometimes off-color jokes need to be interpreted for his mom so she still believes I was a good catch. Sunday is the our first wedding anniversary....crazy how quickly the year has gone by, and I've beaten all odds and statistics for my nielson rating group. In the midst of finishing to move on Sunday, I'm hoping we'll have the time to cut a slice of our wedding cake to get that 'tradition' checked off.

Neighborhood watch?!?

2010-11-15T19:03:00.003-05:00

Holly: So, we successfully moved this weekend (well, kinda) and while Jason and I are delighted about our new space to call home, which is literally 0.15 miles away from our current place; but how things are different. I think last week, I was raving about exchanging our loud "not on the top charts, yet probably very authentic mariachi" from our current neigbors; but be careful what you ask for, right?

Saturday, Jenn and I were tirelessly caring two empty small boxes back to the car when were were approached by the new neighborhood watch...basically nosy neighbors. I get it; Jason and I are new to the block and new for many reasons: we're officially the youngest and yep, we're colored folks. Not that race is purely relevant; but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the interrogation that I was put under. First, we met, Mary...she's my across the street neighbor, who came marching across the lawn (ahem, could she have not walked on the sidewalk?) not bearing cookies or fresh baked bread, but a list of questions that fired of off: "what's your name, and where are you from" and the best one of "do you work? and if so, where?" and the infamous "oh, you're college educated?!?" Then we were greeted by a second neighbor who, once again: walked on the grass, who talked my ear off for an hour...promising to be my new neighborhood friend. Not just a friend, but a friend with a key to my house and we even exchanged phone numbers. yippee. She was overly excited that there's someone in the house, after it being vacant for nearly 3 years, and to see the front window blinds open for once. Umm, why do we think she wants the window blinds open? Code word for: stalker.

Bottom line, am I being overly paranoid, or could it be that these women truly are just looking to be friendly and I'm just that closed off?

Jennifer: I'm probably not the best person to respond to this post. I know I'm not the best neighbor. I'm not part of the welcome wagon when new people move in...won't be standing there with a huge smile and still cooling apple pie, and an offer to collect your mail when you go on vacation...nope. I'm the person who waits for you to go inside of your place before I come out of mine...I wait to get my mail, because you are getting yours and that might force me to talk to you. Is it because I'm anti-social, or just hate people...maybe a little of both. But I think I'm just part of the every growing population of people who are hesitant to be "over friendly" to people due to the fear that they don't want to be known as a stalker...thanks, Holly. There is a fear of being friendly or opening up too much...you don't want to overexpose yourself. Over expose yourself to being taking advantage of or for being thought something you aren't. We live in a paranoid age, and for good reason...have you watched the news lately...it's pretty scary. I wish for the simpler times when seeing a neighbor was a good thing. It was a reason to stop what you were doing and catch up with a friend that lived close by...making a connection with someone who shares your similar living space just by being receptive. It's hard to do that nowadays, because of all of the fear that is out there...fear of someone hurting you or you being hurt, albeit maybe just emotional, by their response.

So in short, yup, Holly you are being closed off...and I guess I have to admit me too....take a risk and be neighborly in it's truest sense.

Random warm weather, random thoughts...

2010-11-12T10:13:00.000-05:00

Jennifer: I need to get back into playing guitar. When it's been a tough day, I should be able to pick up the guitar and play...like in my own personal music video...like Tracy Chapman or Bonnie Raitt. Air guitar isn't cutting it. I took lessons over 7 years ago when I lived in Richmond and still remember the basics. I really want to learn more and my guitars are no longer tunable. Maybe I will spend the weekend over at the Chinatown Metro, strumming on the corner, because apparently there you don't need to be able to sing well or play in tune. Today working for a few hours and coming back for a laid back happy hour. Fish tacos n guacamole? Saturday, helping friends move, perhaps...perhaps.;) Sunday, I think I will actually go to church. It's been almost six months so it's probably time....

Holly: Oh, so now we're just friends, huh? Jason and I still consider you family, and are in the midst of preparing your personalized stocking to hang over our new fireplace this holiday season!

So this weekend, we're moving...YIPPEE!! Goodbye street parking and annoying neighbors...trust me, you won't be missed. What a year its been, and with all the big things happening, I still haven't met my new years resolution of finding a hobby. (This has been on the list for about 10 years straight now). I secretly want to learn to play the guitar too, I guess I see Jenn and I starting a garage band and having a jam session bringing back the smooth acoustic tunes of the 80's. I've tried gardening once, and something shiny came along to distract me. I tried baking...but thats a bit more labor intensive than a hobby should offer (not to mention the pounds gained). I even got library cards to both Arlington County and the City of Alexandria thinking reading would be the next big hobby...and nope, that didn't work either. So back to what I know best: Friday night hanging out, pescado tacos y guacamole

Thrisis???

2010-11-10T11:28:00.003-05:00

Jennifer: Thrisis?!? I happened across this term while ~~stealing~~ reading an article on CNN. The term is used to describe the feeling or uneasiness one feels, most associated with turning 30...interesting enough it can range from a women's late 20s to their mid 30s. It is the difficulty of getting comfortable with the description of being an adult. And self-questioning people go through to determine, if their actions are "grown -up." It is funny to me that this issue stretches to people in their mid-30s, but with today's child-woman/man it makes sense. The articles says that part of the reason are that social networks makes our peer contemporaries lives so available that we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. For example, my sorority sister's status on Facebook is married and she has pictures of her kids posted, and I haven't even gotten married yet and am more concerned with where happy hour is going to be....does that make me less of an adult?

Maybe we need to redefine or update the term adult. Many of you probably don't know that I have my own personal dictionary the Jennifer-Webster dictionary and my definition is as follows:

Adult noun : one that is over the age specified by law, 18; one who pays own bills, works, held responsible for their own actions, and doesn't have to do anything they don't want to, except pay taxes and die.

Holly: Turning 30 (plus) is indeed a new form of crises. It's like the quarter-life crisis somehow got pushed back five years. Granted, I think every generation goes through the "when I was that age..." conversation, but seriously, I know my mother's 30 (plus) looked nothing like what I've got going on right now. And for many ways I'm super grateful about it, somehow I was able to squeeze out a few more years of youth driven mistakes and irresponsibility than prior generations. But there certainly is the pressure to feel that "adulthood". But how does one define being an adult? It's not by having kids...b/c that seems to be the thing for teenagers these days. Is it by being married? Nope, can't be that. Maybe it's a simple as making the decision to go to work everyday, pay bills and taxes over living with your parents and playing video games daily. So, if thats really the requirement, then I guess I've pretty much got this adult thing taken care of at this point.

When Blogs attack!

2010-11-08T14:14:00.002-05:00

Jennifer: A couple of weeks ago there was a post on Marie Claire magazine's blog, regarding the show Mike and Molly, which follows the relationship of middle class, overweight couple as they fall in love. The writer, an employee of Marie Claire, wrote in the magazine's blog , that she found it disgusting to watch severely obese people, as she described the characters/actor in the show kiss. She went on to say that she found people of that size disgusting in everything they do. She compared that disgust to the same feeling she has when she sees an alcoholic, drunk or a heroin addicted, smacked up. She writes that she feels that having these morbidly obese people on television is thereby making it okay for people to be fat...giving them a pass. The writer has since issued an apology that now directly follows her original post. The response she received was substantial as readers wrote mostly in anger at her "insulting" tone and "bullying" attitude toward obese people. Do you agree with the writer's opinion? Or are your feelings aligned with the majority of the comments following the blog, publicly censuring the writer?

I feel that the show, for better or worse, does reflect the lifestyles of a good deal of America. The majority of people on television for the last 20 years or more have been, people who fall below the weight/size of the average American.The idea that these larger actors will encourage others to follow suit is a bit of a stretch. The show Mike and Molly is the number one comedy of the season so it seems that the majority of Americans crave to see people who "look like them." Or is it that people are now seeing beyond, the physical, and looking more to the content of a person? I hope it's the latter, because if so it could mean that America is ready for more shows that reflect main characters of other races, ethnicities, religions, sexual orientation, etc. And TV will one day, more accurately reflect what Americans really look like. At the end of the day, there is always going to be one group of people disliking another. It's the nature of humans to separate, and catagorize, giving preference over the group that looks or acts, like the group that you belong. This will always exist with humans...that is until the alien invasion, and then all of humankind will unite to defeat them. What do you think Holly? Holly? hmmm...where is Holly's response?

Holly: Hello, bloggers,(and Jenn too) I'm here, I'm here!

So I haven't had the chance to see Mike and Molly yet, probably for the same reason I haven't been able to post more regularly either. This working thing is totally in the way of my leisure activities. Nevertheless, I did follow the Marie Claire blog story and was pretty sickened by it. In the retraction of the story (which not sure if that also limits a writers right, but I digress) the author referenced that some of her issues was also a result of her own weight issues: battling anorexia.

I'm not entirely sold that I can stomach watching Mike and Molly roll-around in passionate love during my down time, but I get that's my own hangup. I also can't say that I'm really into watching anyone, but it should certainly fall into my fantasy land, right? It's great to have representation of everyone on TV...but isn't it odd that these characters are still an exaggeration of reality? If the average woman is a size 14...isn't it just as bad to have a size negative zero or size 22 being portrayed as the "American family"? Either way, some group is being exploited. Everyone's got a price, and for the actors of Mike and Molly, they've found their 15 minutes of fame and acceptance

In a blink of an eye...

2010-11-05T08:27:00.001-04:00

Jennifer: Honestly, I really think someone needs to look into this time speeding up thing. I really think there is a phenom occurring just beneath most people's perception of time. I swear it was just two days ago that I was writing last week's Friday post. This week has been nondescript and unfortunately the weekend does not look it will be including any moonlight walks on the beaches of Indonesia with a tall, muscular man named, Sven or Jerome..whatever. I'm quickly running out of time for the things you should do before you turn 35...granted, fairly certain there is no list for 35, but should probably be working on the other list of "things to do before you turn 40," as that will be here by next year...you know, because of the whole universe speeding up thing.

Holly will be back later this evening...she spent the week in Miami. I know, right? I'm in Prince William County, driving around in the cold and the rain, talking to angry delinquent teens and she is drinking mojitos in South Beach. We haven't really talked too much this week, because of her running around and my...well, I'm sure I've done something this week. Caught up with her yesterday by phone, which ended up being a 2 1/2 hr conversation...what does a conversation that long encompass....all the stuff that doesn't transmit well through text..truthfully it could have gone on for at least another hour, but we both had to get up to go to work the next day. Hopefully we can catch up in person this wknd! Unfortunately, I'm working tomorrow, but hopefully Sunday, will bring some rest and relaxation!

Holly: Good caption, Jenn: "in a blink of an eye"! In a blink of an eye, we're here at the the holidays again. Woah. It's time for the Rockettes to pub their annual Radio City Music Hall show, and diversity is taking over folks. There's now an Asian and Black woman! Woah, again. This Obama thing is transferring to all things Americana :)

Miami has been nice, in the fact that its been 85 and sunny, and lots of great Cuban cuisine...but truthfully, not only is it still work, home is home, and I can't wait to get back today. It's daylight savings weekend, so we get to fall back on Saturday (don't forget to set your clocks)...this is always a great time because I feel some form of justice for being able to extend the weekend out longer, even if for 60 minutes.

So back to today's theme: in a blink of an eye. Not only is it the holidays, which also means the impending stress of Christmas shopping, but also means its time for my annual countdown of the "Jenn, what do you want to do for your birthday?" This year, I'm really expecting an answer (add that to your things to accomplish before 35 list), and as long as it doesn't involve biking on a 10-speed across Indonesia, or kayaking the red sea, then I'm game.

Happy Friday everyone!

Monday...and it's cold!

2010-11-01T10:02:00.005-04:00

Markham, VA...

Jennifer: So I've been complaining that it has been so warm and that it really hasn't been a traditional fall season. I hate waking up in the morning and it's fall, but the weather is like 80 degrees. It makes dressing pretty difficult. Do I dress for the weather and throw on the summer clothes or do I dress for the season and throw on my fall gear? I go through those days when I'm wearing wool pants and the temperature is closer to 80 deg than 40 deg , and I spend the day sweating away, but looking "fall apropos." A good portion of my life ends up me standing in front of my closet in the morning struggling to put together a matching outfit...that fits...and looks like I'm in the current century.

After a successful day of apple picking!

Friday and Saturday were very low-key, stayed in studying and avoiding the crowds associated with the rallies. Sunday hung out with Holly...apple picking. Drove an hour, west to Markham, VA for the last viable apple picking day....Holly's birthday activity...yes, we are living on the edge. It was fun, using these long plastic, pipe-like pickers to reach the top of the trees for the remaining apples of the season...cue, hilarity and high jinks. At orchard, saw this woman who was dressed in designer clothes, shoes and bag (apparently a Birkin by Hermes, identified by Holly, which range from $7,000-20, 000+...yes, we were in an apple orchard and not the Upper East Side of NY). Audibly made fun of her, secretly, admired her sense of style and the money that accompanied it. Headed back to the city, DC, for dinner at H St Country Club, first time there, it's a hipster place, kinda of kitschy, with a indoor mini-golf course and two bars. Mexican cuisine that was pretty good..small group, just me, Holly and Mick.

Today, is Holly's birthday...so officially, Happy Birthday, Holly!! Wish you many, many more!:)

Holly: We should rename today's post too: That's what friends are for!

I had a pretty amazing weekend, despite the BS going on in section of my life called: real estate ventures. Pretty convinced my calling is really to practice law...or maybe even become a reading specialist; as that seems to be all people need today. Nevertheless, between my wonderful husband, mother and Jenn; a girl couldn't ask for more! Markham, VA is located literally in at the intersection of 'nowhere' and 'where in the hell are we?' Yet provided yet another mini-road trip for the girls of pearls, and a new activity for me to check off the list: apple picking!

Main building and bakery

Holly doing manual labor

Jenn standing amongst nature..doing, who knows what

Assuming it's description of speed and not intelligence

Go shorty, it's my birthday!

2010-10-29T11:55:00.002-04:00

Holly: I was recalling what birthday's used to mean to me pre-3rd decade of life. You could find me eagerly counting down the days, beginning when the first piece of Halloween candy went on sale. No my birthday isn't actually Halloween, in fact, its not even in the month of October; but as a kid, it was the holiday that I had to look forward too. Orange and black cupcakes brought to school, accompanied by the happy birthday song. Well, now I'm a few years into this 3rd decade of my life, and thank God for it. However, the countdown and eagerness has been replaced with reflections of "seriously, another year?" and the countdown to the end of all these horrible political campaign commercials. Nevertheless, I've got a great circle of of family and friends who probably won't be baking cupcakes for me this weekend, nor dressing up in Halloween's best, but hallelujah for a happy hour this evening! Saturday, will be trying my best to avoid anything downtown with the rally and crowds and Sunday avoiding anything with kids looking for candy at my doorstep.

Happy Friday!

Jennifer: Yup, Holly's birthday is on Monday for those who didn't get the email, flyer, tv commercial, smoke signal, etc. Last year, we didn't do too much for Holly's birthday as we were busy planning for her wedding. So this year, I'm stepping it up a little more even it means just going out to dinner. It's a definite step up from the "Happy Birthday!" text message she received last year. I was telling Holly that we need an easy friend birthday tradition so that we don't have to play this "what do you want to do for your birthday?" game each year, which is not at all as fun as the word game would imply. There is some pressure to perform for birthdays as you don't want to create a bad birthday memory....I'm still holding onto a couple of those;). I'm still a couple of years away from treating birthdays like my mom, who refuses to recognize her b-day and says, "what's the point?.. as everyone knows I'm over 18." I'm hoping that I still want to celebrate the anniversary of my birth...no matter how far from 18 I may be...hopefully Holly feels the same way.

Tonight, we are going to try BRABO, maybe their tasting room, for happy hour. Tomorrow, I will not be to far from the crib, as it's going to be insane in DC....so studying for GREs and watching movies. Sunday, this will be Holly's special day, as her birthday is on Monday, and despite my constant appeals to my Congressman this remains a work day and not a holiday. Fun little pre-dinner activity, and then a small dinner with a couple of friends.

Have a great HUW weekend!!

Using business classes to find a husband...

2010-10-28T17:24:00.001-04:00

Jennifer: I was reading an article on my second favorite site, after this one of course, Oprah.com. I was perusing the relationship section which gives "helpful" tools for those looking to improve their marriage, dating, and/or sex life....all areas where I need help. I came across an article about an woman, who suggests approaching dating as a marketing plan..the title of her book is Finding a Husband After 35, Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School. The author takes the planning and business skills she learned from an Ivy League school and applies it to the basically the "hard sell" which is a woman over 35 getting married...wow, that stings a little, but I guess statistically true. The author, Rachel Greenwald, has a website where she hawks her books, as well as, services for one on one coaching. Her approach is basically thinking of one selves as a product, where you need to be pro-active, package well, and market effectively.

I forwarded the article to a couple of single friends who over 30, careful to hide their names on the emails, as I have no desire to have my tires slashed from a gaggle angry, sexless, single woman;). I asked everyone to respond back to me with their thoughts on the article. Most of my friends were a little put out that I thought they would need this article/book...despite the fact that on an almost daily basis they lament on their lack of a dating life and propsects in this area. Once they got over their initial annoyance of me outing their singlehood, most responded that they could not see them following those suggestion mentioned in the article from the book. One of the main marketing ideas was to contact all of the people in your address book, old co-workers, bosses, landlords, friends, ex-boyfriends...everyone that you had some kind of relationship with professional, personal or otherwise and ask them to set you up. Most of my friends stated it would be too embarrassing and obvious state of desperation that they were not read to admit to or show. I guess the message from the book is that the aggressive go-getter, like in business, is the one who is going to meet success in this case a white (or off white) wedding. Apparently once you get in your 30s, its a dog-eat-dog world and you gotta go above and beyond the norm in order to meet that guy....my question, what is the guy doing to meet me?

Holly: Gee, we really are in a world today that puts everything in context of a transaction. I get that my opinion isn't entirely valid, as I was one of the statistical outliers that was able to walk down the aisle in my off white dress and now check the census box as married. However, I'm not quite sure she's entirely off: everything is all about the marketing. As you're reading this post (and probably rolling your eyes at my post already), take a look in a mirror. Why are you wearing that outfit today? Why did you decide to do your hair that way? OK, so the bell hook in you probably wants to scream " because I want to and its for me", where something tells me the underlying truth is that you're looking to impress someone today. Even if its the lady in line at the grocery store that comments on "how nice your necklace is". Each decision that we make about how we present ourselves is nothing more than an internal marketing campaign, we are always looking to 'sell an image about something'.

So statistically we've heard that you have a greater chance of getting struck by lightening than finding a husband over the age of 35. Wow, that was even hard to write. It sucks I know. But why not think of what to do 'not be a statistic'. When we move to new areas, we ask for referrals for hair stylist, bars, etc. Why not ask for referrals of decent single men. Hell, the truth is that the words "decent-straight-single-and man" is really a lot to live up these days. Oh and if you're looking for a college educated man, cut that pool by one-half. Oh, also you're hoping he's gainfully employed? Yep, take another 20% cut from that number. What? You're asking for a specific ethnicity? Good luck to you. The best way to find that needle in the haystack is going to be having more pairs of eyes searching than just you.

Thank you, Danny Glover!!

2010-10-25T14:56:00.006-04:00

Jennifer: Was watching one of my fav shows on re-run..."How I Met Your Mother"...one of the characters kept a list of things he now considered himself to old to do as he was in his 30s...he called it the Murtaugh list...from the Lethal Weapon movie, when Danny Glover's character says the phrase over and over, "I'm to old for this shit."

Well, I think it is an excellently idea to have this list. How many times have you been out and seen someone doing some shit (please excuse the language) that they were way too old to do. Haven't you been tempted to stop that person and point out that the expiration on that behavior was at least 10 years earlier. So I thought I would list a couple of things on my personal Murtaugh list...I also encourage people to leave comments on as to what's on their Murtaugh list...

Jenn's list

1. Belly shirts...yup, you are too old to wear a belly shirt. I don't care if your belly doesn't hang over your belt...pull your shirt down or get a shirt that is not from the Juniors section. I really don't want to see your pierced navel...also, why is your navel still pierced? ;)

2. Hip hop/Pop ring tone...ok, I have been guilty of this, but really?!? I'm way too old for that sh*#. If you want to hear music let it be from the radio or your ipod...I should not have to hear "Get Low" while I'm standing in line at Target because your "boo" is calling you.

3. Any heel over 3 inches...I'm sorry...this is for all of those overworked arches and toes out there. I know you gave it your all during your 20s and still want to rock it through your 30s. I'm not saying you need to put the Easy Spirits on, but seriously, you don't need to put the 5 inch heels on to prove you're sexy.

4. Hanging out from happy hour until the club closes....you are way too old for that situation. Pick an activity....happy hour or going to the club...you should not be in the club for 8hrs if it is not your place of employment, and note, your time on the club is rapidly ticking away...soon to be added to this list.

5. Definitely too old to think that I can still eat like I did when I was a teenager, or in college or in any part of my 20s. The day of eating whatever fried food, dessert, or fatty goodness and not gaining a pound...they are long over. Now when I want to remember what I had the night before I can just look at my ass in the mirror.

I actually have a ton more, but curious to see what Holly's list consist of....

Holly:

1. Jersey Shore, Made or any other MTV show focused on the dreams of a 16 year old. Just because you technically may still fit in the Nielsen demographic of 18-34...odds are your approaching the back end of that range. Give it up and find a channel where they don't have to cross out the label on beer cans.

2. Gossip. End sentence, period, paragraph. At this juncture of my life, I'm over the 'he said, she said' and not really running for Miss Popularity any longer

3. Sweatpants with writing on the ass. Yes, ladies this includes PINK and JUICY. Even if your fortunate enough to have your ass located in the same place it was at 24, don't put a label on it.

4. Anywhere with admission of 18+ and older. Just don't do it, unless your really in there looking for child.

5. Odd numbered clothing sizes. Let this be your official warning: those are junior sizes! Let it go, move on to the next rack. It's not just that the clothes are cheaper, but odds are there's some great marketing research team that designed those jeans for a 15 year girl.

Happy Hour..please?!?

2010-10-22T10:36:00.002-04:00

Jennifer: So...today..it's Friday...working 5 hours today. Finishing work, and meeting a co-worker for a afternoon tennis match. Really like playing her, she often plays against her husband and her sons...and is really competitive. I use to play Holly, but it's difficult for us to get through a match. We usually get 30mins in and then find ourselves, more and more often at the net to talk. Get to the point where we forgo the pretense of playing tennis and head to the nearest bar, coffee shop, or restaurant. After tennis, hope to get some folks together for a casual happy hour...we haven't been at happy hour for a while. Holly blames me;). Saturday, planning on hitting the trail...back to the Billy Goat trail for some rock scrambles...here's to enter and exiting the forest with the same limb function. Sunday, hope to hang with the family in Maryland. I'm slowly trying to pick up ASL (American Sign Language), my youngest niece is hearing impaired. I would like to be able to sign a couple of things to her...she is a toddler so I can keep it basic...like yes, no, and put that down. Happy weekend wishes to ya'll!

Holly: I have a general rule that I don't complain on Fridays, as there's too much to be thankful for...namely, getting through the week and not having to pretend to care about anything management related. The week itself was pretty awesome, albeit exhausting. Promotion on the job apparently comes with more responsibility (this is the complete opposite of what they imply in B-school); so mid week I was down with my new team in South Florida; team meetings on the beach and conference calls poolside. Again, I repeat my life doesn't suck :) Nevertheless, even the minor travel can take you off course of a normal routine...so yep, I haven't seen the inside of the gym in almost a month of Sundays.
Looking forward to the old fav happy hour, which honestly has been so long, I kinda forgot who has the best drink specials! I have a baby shower to attend on Saturday, and a house to prepare for a home inspection on Sunday. Yep, thats the weekend, quick, fast and before we know it over and on to Monday. Here's hoping to a great Hokie win for the weekend!

Edited for Content...

2010-10-20T10:15:00.000-04:00

Jennifer: Looking back, I must say I'm little surprised and ok, I'll say...it proud, that Holly and I have managed to keep this blog up and going. It started as an idea on the plane ride back from our trip to San Diego as a fun hobby that had potential...potential for what we did know. Here we are a hundred (and few more) posts in and are still motivated to keep writing, which is pretty big for me. I'm that person whose interests change every couple of weeks..as I write this I see my learn to speak Spanish books ( wanted to be fluent so I can speak to my neighbors) gathering dusts, guitars (I was going to be blues singer) gathering dusts, camera (my Ansel Adams photography interest) gathering dusts...wow, I really need to pick up a swiffer duster or something. But the blog has lasted...longer.

Coming up with ideas can be difficult and sometimes I feel like we have quite a few similar posts listed. Writing can be a little time consuming and we aren't really sure how many people are reading, but total appreciate those people who tune in (MH!) and the comments. I'm often surprised and totally psyched when I talk to someone and they bring up a past post.

We chose to write on our friendship, which can often be very revealing about our lives (or lack thereof) and personalities(or lack thereof)( purely self deprecating humor...not to worry I have a healthy, sometimes overly robust sense of self). There have been quite a few situations between Holly and I that have been totally blog worthy, and would have likely been some of our strongest post. Yet we've drew a line and mutually agreed that those events should be private and decided that we did not want to share...mostly for the fear of being over exposed and for having things, which are too dear to us put on display. But, as usual I feel divided, as sometimes, I think we water down our posts too much and don't allow enough of our true emotion or feeling to surface...that exposure could be a catalyst for some new personal growth in us or other people.

Either way, at the end of the day, the blog has become part of our lives. One of us inevitable says, "that would be a good blog topic," during conversations. There have been many times when I've been fine tuned regarding Holly's opinions/ feelings on a subject by reading a posts. The blog has sometimes served as an unpaid intermediary of our friendship...allowing us to write for the blog, but with intentions that it really is written for the other. It can be freeing to write. When we use this ~~blog,~~written expression of our lives, to its fullest potential, and let it serve as a function of discourse on our feelings, it might help us reach new levels....hopefully higher.

Definition of a Best Friend...

2010-10-18T09:22:00.005-04:00

Jennifer: It's weird, but I don't think we've ever specifically written about what makes a best friend. Especially in a blog that is written by two people who refer to each other as best friends...and are very protective of that title. The title, best friend, is one of those things that is totally debatable and subjective to any individual person. Most people I know, either have one person they refer to as their best friend or they don't have anyone close enough to call a best friend. But there are people who boast having multiple best friends...so what does the term mean when there so many interpretations? On urbandictionary.com there are 59 entries for the definition of best friend (granted majority of entries are posted by teenage girls who change best friends on a monthly basis). On Oprah.com, there are several well written articles on how to distinguish a best friend and how much of your soul you allow open to these people you call "best friend"(granted these articles are posted by overly sensitive self help types who want you to buy their books).

Since we've started this blog, I've been doing a lot more concrete thinking on the terms friend and best friend, and what it means to give someone those titles. We have written before on how a friendship is a relationship that can be as complicated as any kind of romantic one. In any relationship, if both parties don't have a mutual agreement, of what the terms of the relationship is there will be some conflict. When I think of my best friend, I think of a person who knows my life experiences..not only knows them, but they also knows the importance those events played in shaping the person I am today. A best friend is someone when you look at your future, there isn't an instance when you can't seem them sharing, every detail and aspect of what your future will become...from marriage and kids to traveling, sharing dinners, and the random in the middle of the day phone calls. They are the person you want to share things with first, and the person who you trust and they trust you. You aren't afraid of being your true self, even though it may not be pretty or politically correct. You aren't afraid to let the embarrassing moments or qualities of your life be shared, because you know you won't be exploited for it later. There's conflict...there are fights and disagreements...oh, boy are they. You don't have to agree on everything, because at your heart of hearts, you know, no matter what the current disagreement may be, that when you fast forward 50 years from now, no matter, where each of you are, that she is still the only one who sees you for your true self and still considers you the best.

Holly: I guess I don't get the "multi-bestie" thing...for heavens sake people, not all things have to be created equal. You can certainly have a good number of good friends, and even a larger number of folks you love to be around, but best is just that. It's a singular adjective, designating one particular person/item/thing. I have a best friend. I have good friends. I have many cool people that I know. See, how thats a bit different?

The Oprah article (even though I agree with Jenn, it totally was a page out of self help book) was pretty articulate (albeit poetically dramatic) in the differentiation. To paraphrase, it spoke as to how things and feelings stay on the "I'm doing fine" level between friends, where the best friend is the one where "your soul stands naked in front of without judgment and with acceptance". Which is a pretty heavy thing, right? I mean there's really no formal commitment ceremony that one goes through to signify your best friend, but in adult years, you better make sure you've chosen just as carefully as a spouse. It's a promise that you make to each other that "breaking up" just isn't an option, no matter how annoyed you get at each other.

Friday..Friday...

2010-10-15T09:49:00.003-04:00

Jennifer: It's been a short week...or has it? I actually went to work on Monday...the office was dark...guess, what? Yup, the office was closed. Nothing is worse than discovering that you, woke up, got dressed and drove to work for no reason. I've taken off today (Friday), but not for any fun reason..it won't be a long weekend of drinking and partying or checking out some cool resort for a long weekend. I'm actually going to Richmond to meet roofers and contractors for estimates for my mom's house. It is one of those things that is increasingly becoming a part of my responsibility...stuff my mom should be doing. The gradual switch where the child becomes responsible for the parent. My mother personally thinks I'm her assistant and relies on me as such. Yay, for more responsibilities! I'm a constant disappointment to my married family and friends who rely on me as their source for excitement being semi-young and single...they would be better off reading Cosmo. No happy hour this week, which in Holly's words is a definite "sad face."

Rest of weekend, back in the AC (Arlington County), maybe do something culturally relevant, as I don't think that grabbing a dollar movie at Arlington Cinema Drafthouse counts toward cultural, will make an honest attempt to add some to my weekend...just so I don't revert back to my old ways, which included overalls and straw in my mouth. Some friends from work have started a wine club and their second meeting is tomorrow, unfortunately, it's in Manassas, which lays at least 30 miles outside of my allowable weekend perimeter (there is a complex mathematical equation that I do that takes in account: travel time, event time, and expected pleasure returned). But generally speaking, if it's not occurring within 5 miles of the AC, it's likely not to happen. As all of my weekend plans, definitely needs to include BFF time, we haven't hung out at all this week (except for Mon, but not including that as we were working), our schedules have not been simpatico:(. Miss you, Holly!!