Close Encounter of the Ex-kind

Jennifer: There is definitely a weirdness that comes from running across someone you use to date. The quick inventory you take of yourself, " Does my hair look good?" "Do these clothes make me look fat?" "Why didn't I put makeup on before leaving the house?" You pray hope that you look better than they do and that they don't have some tall, thin 20-something on their arm, while you are standing there wondering if that spinach dip you had for lunch is still in your teeth. It's the game of one-upness....you want to be "one up" on the ex-. It's an unsaid competition. It's not just you, your ex is most certainly running through the same checklist in his head. Even if you broke up with them, you still want them to want you. I don't care what anyone says, you may want them to be happy, but you also want them to still pine after you (a little, nostalgia, not full on stalker-mode) or have more than a twinge of regret they let you go.

The last run in I had with someone I dated was last year. I was working with a group of kids and ran across a guy I dated for a couple of months. In our dating, I drifted off from him, becoming less and less available, until completely stopped taking his calls. Not very mature, I admit, but still super effective.  The day, I ran across him, I wasn't looking my complete best (hard to believe, yes, I know).  Yet in this encounter, I was in the "power position", because I ended the relationship. He was alone, no Harvard graduate/model on his arm, and after an awkwardly long hug, I pulled away. We exchanged pleasantries...work, family, life in general.  Even though, I was in the technical power position, I felt awkward and wanted to get away.  He was a sweet guy, just not the right guy. He gave me his card and asked me to give him a call. I didn't.  For me regardless on what side you are on (the dumper or dumpee), its' always weird to see someone who's seen you naked. Universal law.

Holly: What is the statute of limitations on ex's and weirdness? Like, when do you really stop caring what you look like if you ran into him?  In random occurances, I was in Orlando, FL for work a few weeks ago and mingling in my usual spot: the lobby bar.  Sidenote: this time, as a married woman with child, I was just hanging out with co-workers at the bar.  Since I was there for a larger meeting, there were hundreds of people there, many of whom I've never met, so running into strangers was a high probability.  However, I looked to my left, and there he was...this kid who I haven't seen in 19 years! (you know, since pre-school).  I'm not sure if due to timeline it's valid to call him and ex, I mean honestly, I was a freshman in high school and he was a graduating senior when we were close friends; hadn't seen him since then.  In an odd, out of normal, behavior for me, I approached him and totally didn't care what I looked like, didn't check out a mirror to make sure broccoli wasn't in my teeth, or my lips stained purple from wine.  Maybe it was overconfindence in looking at him sitting alone at a bar with a glass of hard-liquor?  Maybe it was was overconfidence of knowing that no matter what he thought, the past 19 years since our last encounter, life has treated me well?  Or maybe it was because it's been 19 years and who in the world really remembers anyone for that long?

Ok, let's try that again

Jennifer: Ok, I didn't have the heart to pull the plug on Pearls of Amicus. Sounds corny, but I kinda of felt like closing the blog would have been closing a part of Holly and I's friendship. Granted our friendship existed before the blog and sure, it wouldn't have disppeared with the delete of a button. Nevertheless, this blog has been a definite outlet for us to discuss issues that have affected us and other friends of ours...for better or for worse.  So here we go bringing you back to regular programming....definitely not at the top of the Nielsen ratings, but looking to be around for a while longer.

Where to start..in the last couple of months not too much has changed. Keeping busy, with work and trying to maintain a social calendar so as not to become a cat lady sans cat...due to cat allergy and apartment pet policy. I've joined a softball league with some co-workers and have discovered that in softball years 36 is old. After the last practice, I found myself sprawled on the couch with bag of frozen corn on my shoulder, and peas on my knees. I was tempted to use the leftover Oxycontin from my surgery last year, but decided that it wasn't wise as my health insurance wouldn't pop for a really nice rehab facility. So went to the back up and took three Tylenol PMs with my Snapple and fell into a restful sleep that was undisturbed until 7 the next morning. That's kind of my life now...work and home, spotted with random social events.

As always, new friend issues and situations come up and hope to address here on this blog. It seems like almost everyday something pops up in that fits into the friend-relationship arena. So instead of my usual of just texting Holly while I should be working, I will attempt to regularly write here. I think due to our schedules sometimes I will write, sometimes Holly will write, and sometimes we will both write.

All in the name of progress, and being somewhat timely with posts.




Holly:  Wow, it's been so long (too long) since I've logged on to write a post, that Blogger system changed.  Yep, that's just embarassing.  I'm so glad we renewed, it's the very least we could do.  I mean afterall, we still blog...but I believe in real life time, people call it texting.  Yes, that right...still keeping my unlimited plan, as Jenn and I continue to text back and forth a zillion times a day, from light humor topics to downright arguments.  How many of you can say you've solved a problem via text?!?

I think of this renewal of the blog similar to renewing our vows of friendship.  Not in a weird "friend contract" kind of way; yet more in a we decided we would do this together, so let's see it through-kind of way.  Since there's probably a lack of applause thats occuring with this announcement, I'll take the time and say "WELCOME BACK GIRLS OF PEARLS!"

The past few days, er, weeks, er, months?!? has brought on a lot the same and a lot of changes.  We must introduce you to our new life as we know it, Holly as a mom and Jenn as a reluctant diaper changing auntie.  Fun times, ahead.  I promise.

To renew or not?

Jennifer: I was looking at the past years post and sad to report we have definitely fallen off on our commitment to this blog. I think it happens to the best of us. I looked at some friend's blogs and they have also fallen off a bit...ahem, blogs listed on our blog site actually. It takes a lot to maintain a blog...it needs nurturing, attention, and regular writing to make it relevant. Overall, I think we did pretty good, keeping it up as long as we have. I know when the original idea came to start writing a blog on an airplane ride back from the west coast didn't actually think it would materialize. So overall, it's pretty cool that it did. The renewal for the domain expires this upcoming March 24th. It is only $10 to renew for the year, but I'm thinking what's the point of having a website with nothing new to report. It's probably a bit sad if anything. A reminder of a better, more successful time. So right now, I'm personally leaning towards taking a bit of a maybe break, hiatus if you will from the blog. I doubt if there will be a rush on for our domain name so it's probably safe if for some reason I decide to start it back up again. Worse case, we can just go back to the blogspot domain name. 


Any thoughts for those remaining readers? In famous words of The Clash, should we stay or should we go?

Really...do clothes make the person?

Jennifer: Have you guys seen this coffee sleeve put out by Piperlime.cim, a "chic" website that sells trendy clothes to 20somethings, that states every time a women wears sweatpants in public, a man leaves NYC? Implying that a women has to be dressed to the nines in order to grab that man. Is this true? If a cute girl is dressed in sweats does that mean that she will be overlooked by men just due to her dress?!?

I gotta be honest I'm going through a mid life style crisis, which is a distant cousin to the mid-life crisis. Through out my life my personal dressing style  has definitely been more thrown together than thought through. I'm not the girl who has her wardrobe planned for the week. I'm more the stand in front of the closet, morning of, wondering why I didn't do laundry the day before. So is there a direct correlation between my lack of effort in dress and the current state of my dating life? Hmm...seems possible..actually...probably more than just possible.  If I appreciate the guy who has the fresh hair cut and is wearing clothes that fit properly, then I can't be the hypocrite that says that clothes shouldn't matter. I texted Holly earlier this week after catching my reflection at the mall. Though not dressed horribly, I did feel like I looked like a soccer mom, picking up Christmas clothes for her kids than a single woman on the "prowl." So what to do? Well, it is the end of the year and the time for making resolutions...so here we go, I resolve to make a real effort to dress better and look the best I possibly can. So if you see me looking bumming...call me out for being lazy, sure I may initally curse you out, but know deep down I appreciate you caring.

Holly: Wow, well if clothes do indeed make the person, I suck.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all about creative expression however one chooses to do it. Me: well, I happen to be more along the style of Jenn (insert birds of a feather saying here), and love my Uggs, jeans and the occasional sweatpants in public.  Sidenote: I think it's worth mentioning that if you are wearing leggings as pants, or especially jeggings, you too should look at upgrading to even a sweatpant). 

Perhaps it's true, if you're not putting your best foot forward on the initial meeting, where does one go from there?  I recall many of debates with my hubby and I when we first started dating on "why is it that I never hear you say you're going to get your hair done?" or my favorite questioning: "you said those boots were calls what?  Uggs, short for ugly?".  The truth is, yes I enjoy my comfort and it all boils down to being lazy.  It's so much easier to slip into that "no-iron ever required" favorite pair of pants, than it is to be tugging and pulling on clothes all day long.  But laziness in all areas of life produces the same result: nada.  So looking for a man? Put for the effort and put on some clothes (eh, at least for the first 3 months).  Looking for a new job (I speak from experience)? Still have to put for the effort to dress to impress.  I for one, will not be the one calling Jenn out b/c honestly, I don't know if I want the redicule coming my way in return.

I'm not your friend.

Holly: I was surprised at the level of transparency, ahem, soul selling if you will, that reality stars are willing to uphold just for a dollar.  Makes me wonder, do these people have friends in real life?  Truth be told, I'm not one of them.  Honestly, I'm not even a fan.  Moving forward, it would probably be in your best interest to consider folks like me (ahem 80% of America) you're worst enemy...I'm only in your business when things go wrong, it's the only time I care.

Let's take for example the most recent headlines: The KKK (otherwise known as Kim, Kourtney and Kloe) has filed for divorce, got pregnant by a baby's daddy (albeit one with great fashion choices), and got served with assault charges.  Dude, this isn't a good thing.  And why do I know all of this?  My guess, its because they weren't hugged enough as a child and therefore constantly seeking outside attention.  Real people with real friends don't share the ugly with everyone, even for a dollar. 

Then we have Guilianna Rancic.  Don't get me wrong, her story is quite touching and personal.  My heart goes out to anyone battling that evil devil that is cancer, coupled with fertility problems; however, we're really not close at all for me to so involved in having to know your uterus so intimately.  People I ask that you realize that Ann Curry, despite her warm nature, isn't your friend either.  So stop taking up air time with your personal crap.

Jennifer: Hmm, there is a lot of anger from that post above...especially surprising as I've seen her DVR recordings. Humans by nature are a voyeuristic group. Does this mean that I need to know every little part of your life? No, but it also doesn't mean I'm not going to watch when you over-expose yourself. It is sad to realize that you probably know more about what is going on with people on tv than you do with people in your own life.  The reality shows provide an easy view into other's lives without the trouble of emotionally getting involved or responsibility of maintaining a relationship. It's an attractive relationship where you can watch, and fulfill the need to see what is going on with someone's life without having to use much effort. I think that is a huge attraction for reality show watchers.  This is why some people get so worked up over the behavior of these psuedo-entertainment stars.

There is the over used phrase of not being able to turn away from a car-wreck. It certainly applies here... I've been on the road many times, to find traffic slowed just to find out that it's a rubberneck delay. People are overly curious...it's kind of what has kept your ancestors alive over these thousands of years.  The ease of TV and the Internet had now given people instant access into what was the private lives of people. It's not that the Kardashians or Guilianna are that entertaining or interesting. Its just the curiosity of seeing someone live a life unfamiliar to our own.  This blog fits under that umbrealla as well...granted, on a much, much, much (much) smaller scale, but the stats on this blog show that the posts that get the most reads are the ones that include our personal experiences or details about our personal lives. Sorry, Holly, personal crap, sells...and until that market dries up, you're gonna have to put the TV on mute.

We missed you too

Holly: I surely wish there was a good excuse for the lack of postings lately.  Maybe something dramatic as the "breakup of Jen and Holly", or that maybe Jenn decided to move to Belize after she wrote about her vacation.  Alas, there isn't.  Just pure life getting in the way...

I kind of view blogging on PoA similar to the upkeep of any worthwhile friendship, there's a ton of things that you want to share and say to the person (or write for this matter), and you really miss them when time goes by and you haven't caught up, but something happens to cause the distance: I like to call is just life.  But just like a true friend, I've missed you Blog fam and now that we're back in touch its just like old times again.  Here's a rundown on what's been going on with me the past 2 months (which likely looks like every other month):

• I'm still fat. I'm sorry, obese according to that dreaded BMI. Still not attending the gym, but in my latest "adventures to spend money", I've committed to an eating plan of Medifast.  Stay tuned for future blogs of Holly's eating restrictions v. Jenn's gym attendance
• I'm getting a hang of this mom thing...and successfully tricked Jenn into babysitting one night.  And yes, happy to report, we're still friends; despite Braxton's attempt to make her run
• I'm changing careers. Looking for a real estate agent? Well, I'm your woman! Contact me before I contact you...because yes, I will begin the stalking soon of looking for friendly referrals

So there you have it, we're now officially caught up, and back to old times. What's been going on in your world?


Jennifer:

Yes, it is nice to be writing again. Life is definitely ticking away...super fast. Holly and I are still friends...no break up. I was telling my brother that it has been at almost 2 months since I've called Holly on phone(true). His response, " It's because you guys see each other all of the damn time." This is partially true...we are on a minimum once a week face to face and still texting like teenagers mutiple times a day.

We are still working on getting ourselves together...physically. I guess the good thing is that we haven't totally thrown in the towel. I had surgery a couple of weeks ago and now I'm good to go back to the gym. I also ordered swimming goggles and swim cap from Amazon as I've decided I'm going to become a lap swimmer. I'm a pretty good swimmer right now. I just have never learned how to do the breathing thing....so check back for that one.

I did babysit Braxton for Holly and Jason's anniversary. He was super cute and happy before they left. As soon as Holly left, he was still cute, but definitely not happy. It was a long battle, but in the end I won....he was fed, bathed and asleep when they got back. You know it's been a long night in babysitting when you give a hard look of having kids in the future;).

Hope all is well with everyone out there. And here is to Holly and I doing better with the blogging.

Belize and solo travel...check and check!

Jennifer: Yes, I finally did it! After many years of hoping and dreaming, I made the trip to the country that I have an obsession fascination with for many years. I'm not sure where this attraction to this country in Central America came, maybe from pictures of the aqua colored water, gently swaying palm trees, English speaking natives. Whatever it is Holly can attest that the country of Belize has popped up many times in conversation over that last couple of years.

After subscribing to this airfare email service, AirFare Watchdog, which sends you the low rates of flights you want to take...love it and it's a good way to plan for that trip you've always wanted to take. Belize flight came in, lower than it's been for years and I had to book it. Why wait? I find myself waiting for things hoping that the perfect situation will present, but sometimes it doesn't so you gotta go with what you got.

The day quickly came and finally found myself in the country that I've been thinking of for so many years. My first impression…well....it's a gorgeous country, and reminds me of some of the other Caribbean places I've visited…places with lots of concrete homes and people moving about with their daily lives. The plane landed in Belize City and I was picked up at the airport by a driver sent by the place where I was staying on Caye Caulker(a little island off the coast). My driver was Jason, native Belizean, who held a sign with my name on it, indicating that he was my driver. I follow him out to the front of the airport where I think his car should be waiting, but we end up walking, across and down the street from the airport. We walked over to his van, which was parked in a overgrown, motel parking lot...gulp. His van looked about 20 years old, dented with broken glass. As he took my backpack(which was my only luggage), I noticed Jason was wearing a necklace of perfectly round, plastic boobs. Yup...I was feeling all types of secure in this foreign country. But my worry was for nothing, Jason turned out to be a capable driver, who didn't murder me. As planned, Jason drove me to the water ferry, where I waited for the boat that would take me to Caye Caulker.

Belize City-Water Ferry Waiting Room

It's a 45-minute ferry ride from Belize City to Caye Caulker (pronounced Key Cork-er). I land at Caye Caulker and it was as I imagined.  This was the Belize that I've pictured in my minds eye all of these years. Locals, hanging around the water ferry station, greet me, and inoculate me to the slow, friendly way of the culture of the Caye. I'm met at the ferry by my "taxi" which is a golf cart, driven by my driver Adrian, who takes me on a quick tour of the island, which is only 3miles long and at it's widest 1 mile...approximately 1500 people on island. It was low season too so there were not that many tourist on the island.  I arrive at CayeReef, which is 6 unit apartment building. I check in and get a quick tour of the apartment, which is upscale and a splurge for me ( I figured probably safer to spend a bit more money). I settle in and start to adjust to the island way. I spent the next couple of days, swaying in a hammock, walking the island, and just soaking in the atmosphere. It's low season and there weren't that many tourist on the island, which allowed me an intimacy with the island.

Typical street--no pavement on whole island

I was able to go snorkeling for the first time, which was pretty great. I went out with 7 other people who were all super friendly and from all over the world. I met a Brazilian couple on their honeymoon, a native Belizean woman, her sister and her 4yr old, and a young American couple. I got a chance to swim with nurse sharks, sting rays and several other types of ocean life. Maybe next time, I will go back to the Caye to get certified in diving. I also took a trip to San Pedro, another island, 45 mins on the other side of the Caye. San Pedro is a larger island, more tourist-y with actual paved roads. On the trip over met another fellow traveler, Susannah from Norway, who was going around the world for the 2nd time at only 27 years old, ended up grabbing dinner and drinks with her. It was a cool part of the trip, getting out of my element and talking to people that I wouldn't normally meet or interact.

Where I stayed

Finally, my time on the Caye was done and it was time for me to head back to the US and my everyday life. In looking back over my trip, I did enjoy it and loved the fact that I was able to complete something that I've wanted to do for a long time. It proved to myself that I can do things on my own and still have a good time. It also helped a lot to have Holly and my brother checking up on me via email during the trip. It reassured me that if something did go wrong that there was someone who would come looking for me or at the very least make an appearance on Nancy Grace.

This trip definitely signifies a new phase. I did miss traveling with my favorite travel partner, but feels good to be the crazy ass traveler who was able to make it happen on her own.

Example of mangroves that surround the island

Piers are everywhere

Waiting for taxi in CC

Sea grass surrounds island for at least 50ft
from beach--this is reason for the piers

He was nice enough to bring to surface for us to touch.
I kept thinking about Steve Irwin.

Private pier with a view

Sting Ray that was at least 4ft wide that swam below me

Yes--that is a shark--nurse sharks  are not man-eaters, thankfully